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Algerian meeting in Tunisia

ButterflyBee

Major Ratslayer
I have been through this before, after a long marriage where I was never good enough... not like the girls from his country... he found a younger woman in a refugee camp no less... a leach looking for another leech.... it's just hard to trust anyone...
Wow that’s soo messed up. Sorry you had to go through that, needless to say you’re better off without a ‘man’ like that. I can understand why it’d be hard to trust again, especially another foreign guy, old wounds open up. It’s important to learn from what happened, be alert and look/listen for any red flags in this new relationship (I say new I don’t know how long you’ve been together?) but also remember this is a new man and hopefully he won’t hurt you. How did you meet? X
 

Sabrina

Major Ratslayer
Thank you me too.... I got Covid at work along with 4 workmates... been at home for over a month and still can't get myself together.... he is there whenever I need to cry.... truth is I feel like he's my best friend.... just being in any long distance relationship is hard ....
VERY HARD.. I hope you feel better good you have him to go to! Take care!!!
 

shygurl72

Rat Expert
Wow that’s soo messed up. Sorry you had to go through that, needless to say you’re better off without a ‘man’ like that. I can understand why it’d be hard to trust again, especially another foreign guy, old wounds open up. It’s important to learn from what happened, be alert and look/listen for any red flags in this new relationship (I say new I don’t know how long you’ve been together?) but also remember this is a new man and hopefully he won’t hurt you. How did you meet? X
Thank you Butterfly Bee, I always thought my kids needed their father but in the end I made those poor kids so miserable. I was so scared to be on my own... I was beat down physically, emotionally... sometimes I think I forgot how to be happy anymore....this relationship came out of nowhere... I wasn't looking for anyone... we met at a wedding and it's been almost 3 years.... I am so comfortable with him... we can talk about anything and everything... I believe he enjoys my company as much as I enjoy his.... it's not perfect but we have made it work....
 

ButterflyBee

Major Ratslayer
Thank you Butterfly Bee, I always thought my kids needed their father but in the end I made those poor kids so miserable. I was so scared to be on my own... I was beat down physically, emotionally... sometimes I think I forgot how to be happy anymore....this relationship came out of nowhere... I wasn't looking for anyone... we met at a wedding and it's been almost 3 years.... I am so comfortable with him... we can talk about anything and everything... I believe he enjoys my company as much as I enjoy his.... it's not perfect but we have made it work....
Oh bless you. I’m sure it wasn’t you making them miserable, alot of times people think staying in a relationship with the other parent is the best thing to do even if that relationship is toxic and I can see why as it’s important to have two parents however seeing those two parents not working and seeing their mum suffering would be in-fact be worse for the kids. You should be proud you got out of that. I hope you’re a lot better now and happy you have a man you’re comfortable with. Keep an eye for red flags mentioned here such as age difference, if he wants/needs a visa, if he asks for money or gifts etc. Always here to listen and help in any way x
 

shygurl72

Rat Expert
Oh bless you. I’m sure it wasn’t you making them miserable, alot of times people think staying in a relationship with the other parent is the best thing to do even if that relationship is toxic and I can see why as it’s important to have two parents however seeing those two parents not working and seeing their mum suffering would be in-fact be worse for the kids. You should be proud you got out of that. I hope you’re a lot better now and happy you have a man you’re comfortable with. Keep an eye for red flags mentioned here such as age difference, if he wants/needs a visa, if he asks for money or gifts etc. Always here to listen and help in any way x
Thank you ButterflyBee!!! ❤
 

Jennie

Ratslayer
Hi, Croydon girl, we booked an air b and b and the war's of the apartment seemed to have no problem. He said in Algeria we would have to boom two hotel rooms but he said in Tunis it was more relaxed. we have talked about art religion and philosophy at length and he is very intelligent and we have literally talked for hours everyday since January... 8 months now. He is not a practicing Muslim. He is very alternative in his style.
It is more relaxed in Tunis as far as not being married and getting a room together.
 

ButterflyBee

Major Ratslayer
Happy to have you here to tell us how an Arab or a tunisian should be acting towards a woman when he is serious about her:love:
Aw thanks Butterflies. I think it’s important for a woman to ask herself ‘would he like it if his sister/mother was doing this with a man?’ I can guarantee a decent Tunisian wouldn’t let his sister stay in an apartment with a man unmarried, he’d hit the roof!
 

Butterflies

Major Ratslayer
Aw thanks Butterflies. I think it’s important for a woman to ask herself ‘would he like it if his sister/mother was doing this with a man?’ I can guarantee a decent Tunisian wouldn’t let his sister stay in an apartment with a man unmarried, he’d hit the roof!
About my rat, when one of his sisters was going to the house of her new fiancé to meet the parents to talk about the marriage and stuff the whole family went there so I noticed it was a big difference then what we in the west are used to. He visited first the family home to ask her father if he could marry her. We are not used to it no more here in the west
 

ButterflyBee

Major Ratslayer
About my rat, when one of his sisters was going to the house of her new fiancé to meet the parents to talk about the marriage and stuff the whole family went there so I noticed it was a big difference then what we in the west are used to. He visited first the family home to ask her father if he could marry her. We are not used to it no more here in the west
Yes exactly, none of this staying in hotels or apartments together. Even though I was born in the UK it was important for me and my husband to not do things too different. Before we married he had to ask my family for acceptance which he flew to the UK to do. When he was in Tunisia he’d pay the plane tickets and accommodation and spending money for me to visit so we could get to know each other, he also paid for my dad or brother to come with me each time so they could keep an eye and make sure there was no funny business haha. A lot of conditions were discussed before the wedding too to make sure he could look after me.
 

Croydon girl

Major Ratslayer
Yes exactly, none of this staying in hotels or apartments together. Even though I was born in the UK it was important for me and my husband to not do things too different. Before we married he had to ask my family for acceptance which he flew to the UK to do. When he was in Tunisia he’d pay the plane tickets and accommodation and spending money for me to visit so we could get to know each other, he also paid for my dad or brother to come with me each time so they could keep an eye and make sure there was no funny business haha. A lot of conditions were discussed before the wedding too to make sure he could look after me.
That's lovely ButterflyBee!
 

Neonnurse

Senior Rat Expert
He's a rat but not even trying to hide it.
He's told you he wants to live in Ireland. That's what he wants from the relationship. He isn't bothered if it's you or another woman, he wants out of algeria.
The fact he had mentioned this already and he wants to marry you without even meeting are massive red flashing lights.
 

shygurl72

Rat Expert
@shygurl72 how are you doing? x
Not so good, Thank you so much for asking.... I finished my relationship.... I wanted to believe he was a good man... and like so many others I ignored subtle things I saw in him... I gave everything in this relationship... but he said something to me he couldn't take back... so I let him go..... I love him but I have to love myself and my kids more... he hasn't tried to contact me and I doubt he will.... I'm not waiting, I have blocked him.... I don't really know what to do with myself right now ....
 

ButterflyBee

Major Ratslayer
Not so good, Thank you so much for asking.... I finished my relationship.... I wanted to believe he was a good man... and like so many others I ignored subtle things I saw in him... I gave everything in this relationship... but he said something to me he couldn't take back... so I let him go..... I love him but I have to love myself and my kids more... he hasn't tried to contact me and I doubt he will.... I'm not waiting, I have blocked him.... I don't really know what to do with myself right now ....
I’m so sorry to hear that :(
I’m sure it hurts right now but you’re 100% doing right by putting you and your kids first. Whatever he said is a reflection of him, although we say things sometimes when we’re angry there’s no excuse to hurt someone we claim to love, especially someone who put their all into making it work. Busy yourself with things you love to do and things that make you smile, come here and rant if you need to or just to chat, things will get easier x
 

shygurl72

Rat Expert
I’m so sorry to hear that :(
I’m sure it hurts right now but you’re 100% doing right by putting you and your kids first. Whatever he said is a reflection of him, although we say things sometimes when we’re angry there’s no excuse to hurt someone we claim to love, especially someone who put their all into making it work. Busy yourself with things you love to do and things that make you smile, come here and rant if you need to or just to chat, things will get easier x
Thank you for your kind words.... I don't know what to say..... I'm just exhausted...and so disappointed.... you want to believe people are good ... but I just have to admit to myself.... I mean nothing to this person, I'm just a stepping stone...
 

Butterflies

Major Ratslayer
Thank you for your kind words.... I don't know what to say..... I'm just exhausted...and so disappointed.... you want to believe people are good ... but I just have to admit to myself.... I mean nothing to this person, I'm just a stepping stone...
Sad to say but we where all a stepping stone for these men. It takes time to get him out of your mind but try to remember how he made you feel when he said these bad things to and that is the hardest part to admit to yourself he was just another beautiful liar. Take all the time you need and you can vent here if you want that maybe it helps you. Later you will realize this man wasn't who he pretended to be. Much courage to you xxx
 

ButterflyBee

Major Ratslayer
Thank you for your kind words.... I don't know what to say..... I'm just exhausted...and so disappointed.... you want to believe people are good ... but I just have to admit to myself.... I mean nothing to this person, I'm just a stepping stone...
You will come out of this stronger and wiser than before, believe that. It will take time but you will heal and feel so much better x
 

MH007

Administrator
Staff member
Thank you for your kind words.... I don't know what to say..... I'm just exhausted...and so disappointed.... you want to believe people are good ... but I just have to admit to myself.... I mean nothing to this person, I'm just a stepping stone...
This is truly the hardest part and it feels like you will never recover but guess what.......you will recover and will be stronger than ever, they don’t break us.

We are all here for you and totally understand what you are going through.

Sleep when you need to no matter what time of day if you need it do it.

I found a playlist of all my favourite songs would help me when I went to bed - rather than lying there in silence and I still do now although use Alexa as she will play songs that pop into my mind - it’s great as you think about the song, I try to remember all the lyrics and it totally clears my mind from stress.

Hugs

MH
 
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