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Animators in the hotels ladies please read !

Dangerous Beans

Senior Rat Expert
Read all those posts and let it sink in to me. Test him with "momentarily I have no money", "I changed my mind I want to live in Tunesia" "ask for the reseat from the rent" But all this is not that easy because in my culture it means I do not trust him. And lovers should trust.

That's not true, is it? What bigger vote of confidence does one need than a lover willingly giving up her standard of living to come live with them and their parents in Tunisia?
 

SouthernGirl

Major Ratslayer
Read all those posts and let it sink in to me. Test him with "momentarily I have no money", "I changed my mind I want to live in Tunesia" "ask for the reseat from the rent" But all this is not that easy because in my culture it means I do not trust him. And lovers should trust.
« Lovers should trust ». Do you understand that he is no lover and that you’re not a lover to him. It’s not easy but you need to try to look at things from another perspective.
 

Wara2

Well-Known Member
Listen to me Butterflies,

I was totally naive to the phenomenon of T L R when I met mine and I get where it is that you are coming from however.....Think it through, if you were pouring all this money into his and his family hands, I don't believe that that would be your opening post to a forum nursing broken hearts and bank accounts of victims do you?

I personally smelt a rat early on and so I sat on this site like a stalker reading everything before I had the courage to post my partial story, because by my posting and telling my story, it had me admitting to the rest of the world that I had been had and was a bezness victim myself !
Side note, there were also a group of women who seemed bitter and not genuine on here so I crept back into my hole and carried on reading up.

I hope I'm wrong and have Wara wrong but I am not wasting time helping a fake or troll (sorry) and hope that her story is true , let's see
I am a serious person. The story is true. I need the information I have been given here.
 

Wara2

Well-Known Member
Lol I remember that now. She also said she couldn’t cook and he was going to do the cooking in the house. She had it all figured out. Poor lady. She’s going to find out soon.
I don’t know how he managed to get a tourist or fiancé visa.
I said if I work and you have no job will you do the house-work.
For the Visa I had to get quite some papers which I send to him. With those papers he can go to the embassy. He must show them that he is not already married and he nows A1 level german language. That's it.
 

Peacock

Major Ratslayer
Read all those posts and let it sink in to me. Test him with "momentarily I have no money", "I changed my mind I want to live in Tunesia" "ask for the reseat from the rent" But all this is not that easy because in my culture it means I do not trust him. And lovers should trust.
Trust has to be earned!! Trust is not automatic early in a relationship. He has made you pay too much for the accommodation. That would mean that I have lost trust already!! He conned you!!!!
 

yougogirl75

Major Ratslayer
What I asked him was : When I go for work will you do the house-work, and when we have a baby and you have no job will you do the things in the house? He agreed, no problem, he said. And I liked him for that.
Of course he would say that how else will he make it there? But knowing how they are, they aren't going to look after their kids or feel that a man
should do any of that.
I know my ex-rat said he wanted to be as a family with me and my son and one day I was on his facebook when I was in Tunisia and found his plan was not to do this but to network in another city in Canada with other rats.
I had 4 years of a relationship, the truth was out in the open after the sham marriage.
There's evidence and screenshots I have of his harassments, bulllying, fake profiles and all his scamming.
And if you were to believe his words, he would tell you a bold faced lie so how can one trust.
When it does end do you think it will ever end, then when children are involved its harder to get out of it
How would it feel when you find something similiar out?
They just do research, and by coincidence he dragged a German woman into his lies just after breaking up with me.
They know how easy it is to pass a language test and prove they are single but are they really single?
Documents can be forged for a rat to get this paper, I have heard allegedly that this paper can be drawn up by the embassy but the lady said
this is not proof that one is single, in fact there are cases where a man can be engaged in Tunisia and be married to another victim elsewhere.
Its like an affidavit but its only as good as the one making it up, it could be all lies and you would never know different.
Just saying it was a long road of heartache for me to go through, would not wish it on anyone!
 
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SouthernGirl

Major Ratslayer
What I asked him was : When I go for work will you do the house-work, and when we have a baby and you have no job will you do the things in the house? He agreed, no problem, he said. And I liked him for that.
You realize people lie, right? and especially men when they want something from you. That’s what I tell my teenage daughters. Boys/men will say anything to get you to have sex with them. It sounds harsh and can seem over the top to say that to a young girl but nowadays kids have to know. In your case, it’s not sex that he wants but money and visa and the same thing applies : He’ll tell you whatever you want to hear to get it.

You are not a child but an adult but you seem extremely naive and I don’t like to tell you that because it’s not nice to hear. But you need to be more careful and not believe blindly everything he tells you. I understand you can’t imagine he’s a bad person but just assume he is, just in case.

Take a step down for a while and see how he reacts. He’s not going to like it when you tell him no more money. You can be certain he will ask you again. You think that it’s normal to give so much money because it’s your future and lovers should trust. What does making rent deposits for his parents have to do with your future? This is not normal to ask a girlfriend, a lover, to do that. He’s a taker, not a lover, not someone you should trust. It’s not real, it’s a lie.
 
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SouthernGirl

Major Ratslayer
What I asked him was : When I go for work will you do the house-work, and when we have a baby and you have no job will you do the things in the house? He agreed, no problem, he said. And I liked him for that.
You really believe that? A little rat boy going to take over all the menial and boring housework tasks?
Inform yourself about the rat culture and background. Most likely he had a mother and sisters who catered for him and all the men in the house all his life. He probably never made his bed or wouldn’t know how to boil an egg. But he also agreed he’d take care of the babies all day while you work? Lol even in our countries, not many men would be able to take care of a baby. Even after a couple of hours, they’d go crazy!
But he told you all that and you liked him even more for saying these beautiful words. Believing all his crap is not good.
 

Tigerpants

Major Ratslayer
You really believe that? A little rat boy going to take over all the menial and boring housework tasks?
Inform yourself about the rat culture and background. Most likely he had a mother and sisters who catered for him and all the men in the house all his life. He probably never made his bed or wouldn’t know how to boil an egg. But he also agreed he’d take care of the babies all day while you work? Lol even in our countries, not many men would be able to take care of a baby. Even after a couple of hours, they’d go crazy!
But he told you all that and you liked him even more for saying these beautiful words. Believing all his crap is not good.
My rat acted like a guest in his home. Women doing everything around the home and gardens, father going to work, ratty watching TV and spending hours and hours at coffee.
There is no way yours can even contemplate what running a home and nursing babies would look like, they sleep when they're not drinking coffee or beers !
 

Aisha1

Major Ratslayer
You really believe that? A little rat boy going to take over all the menial and boring housework tasks?
Inform yourself about the rat culture and background. Most likely he had a mother and sisters who catered for him and all the men in the house all his life. He probably never made his bed or wouldn’t know how to boil an egg. But he also agreed he’d take care of the babies all day while you work? Lol even in our countries, not many men would be able to take care of a baby. Even after a couple of hours, they’d go crazy!
But he told you all that and you liked him even more for saying these beautiful words. Believing all his crap is not good.
Arab men don’t keep house and babies… again you better learn our culture. He may say that, but it’s a lie. And of his mother found out she would demand him divorce you sooner than planned and possibly he may turn violent when people in his community learn about it.
 

Aisha1

Major Ratslayer
They don’t do that dear lol
I wait on my husband from the moment he wakes up until he goes to sleep, he does nothing and doesn’t even need to ask.. just I know how he likes to be. I serve breakfast for him, make sure his clothes for day are ready and he has something to bring to work, when he goes I have breakfast and clean the house during the day, start preparing dinner about an hour before he comes so he can eat when he gets in and has shower… after dinner I make sure there is tea and fruit on table where we sit. I will do the same for my son, I’m Arab so of course the sun with rise and set on him, my eyes will be my son. No way the Tunisian man is going to take care of babies…. Hhhhhh , it’s not their role.
 

Tinker-lulu

Major Ratslayer
I wait on my husband from the moment he wakes up until he goes to sleep, he dies nothing and doesn’t even need to ask.. just I know how he likes to be. I serve breakfast for him, make sure his clothes for day are ready and he has something to bring to work, when he goes I have breakfast and clean the house during the day, start preparing dinner about an hour before he comes so he can eat when he gets in and has shower… after dinner I make sure there is tea and fruit on table where we sit. I will do the same for my son, I’m Arab so of course the sun with rise and set on him, my eyes will be my son.
Wow, I suppose that he considers himself the bread winner therefore is kind of 50/50?
 

Aisha1

Major Ratslayer
Wow, I suppose that he considers himself the bread winner therefore is kind of 50/50?
My husband treats me good and never has demanded anything to me, but growing up Muslim Arab girl I was taught a role and I don’t consider myself equal to my husband, he is absolutely above me. In Islam we learn like this. Now that being said, I’m not against how westerners live and think, we just live by our culture. My point is most of the time if you marry an Arab man they will expect their way to be followed, I don’t believe when they say they are equal with wife, will cook and clean… it’s just not true or reality.
 

Tinker-lulu

Major Ratslayer
My husband treats me good and never has demanded anything to me, but growing up Muslim Arab girl I was taught a role and I don’t consider myself equal to my husband, he is absolutely above me. In Islam we learn like this. Now that being said, I’m not against how westerners live and think, we just live by our culture. My point is most of the time if you marry an Arab man they will expect their way to be followed, I don’t believe when they say they are equal with wife, will cook and clean… it’s just not true or reality.
Yes it’s understandable, the same as Arab mothers do with their sons, it’s a culture thing.
The West culture is so different lol.
A big Contrast!
 

March

Senior Rat Expert
He asked the money for his parents not for himself. I asked him if he would take care of the household and if we had a child if I could work while he was at home taking care of the child. No problem - he assured me.
Yes, i am paying for all the papers, copies, fees and everything. Run away : Everyday we have video calls. I love him.
run away girl from him before it's too late, they deceive young girls too, this is a very bad sign that you gave him money, he will ask more and more of you, we all loved at one time, but now we are very sorry.
 

SouthernGirl

Major Ratslayer
My husband treats me good and never has demanded anything to me, but growing up Muslim Arab girl I was taught a role and I don’t consider myself equal to my husband, he is absolutely above me. In Islam we learn like this. Now that being said, I’m not against how westerners live and think, we just live by our culture. My point is most of the time if you marry an Arab man they will expect their way to be followed, I don’t believe when they say they are equal with wife, will cook and clean… it’s just not true or reality.
When your baby is there, believe me, there will be times when your husband will have to assist you. You won’t be able to do it all at all times. Like the days when you’re sick and have to stay in bed.
A baby demands your care about 18 hours a day. When they sleep, either you sleep or you do all the rest of your work. When our twins were born, we found ourselves all in a sudden with 4 children under 5: a five year old, a 2 year old and two newborn babies. My husband had a very demanding job in a consulting firm and he travelled a lot but when he was home, he stepped up to the plate. He didn’t feel like it would make him less of a man. That was his kids and his job too. He changed messy diapers (even though he hated it), he woke up with me in the middle of the night to feed her bottle to one of the babies when the other one couldn’t wait for her turn to be fed and would scream bloody murder. He said that he was grateful for all my work and that he couldn’t do all what I do all day. One time, he even joked that going back to the office on Monday mornings felt like a vacation.

There were good years and I had easy going babies but it was a lot of work and I couldn’t have done it alone. Life with young kids get crazy at times and we can’t be in three places at the same time and do 10 things at once (Though sometimes we sort of do :))
I grew up seeing my mother slaving away round the clock while my father did nothing after work and treated her like a servant. Even as a child, it annoyed me to no end and when I was a teenager and old enough to think for myself, I swore that I would not have a life like hers. Men work hard too but they have days off. A mother doesn’t get one day off, even on vacations. There is no way my husband would have watched me tending 4 children, then later 5, while sitting and watching tv. Some men think that they worked hard all day so they deserve to be served when they get home. Well, guess who else worked hard all day too?

@Aisha1, I’m not saying what you should do of course. I respect your beliefs about traditional roles in your culture. In our culture, women are the primary caretakers too, they do all the housework tasks as well and serve husband and children the same way just like in Arabic culture, even though it’s expected that men “help” too. We don’t believe men are above women. Ooooh no! Some men feel entitled and believe housework is not their job, even when their wife works full time outside the home as well. I’m just saying when babies start coming, life gets much, much busier and the rules of the game change. As women, we can do a lot, we turn ourselves into Superwoman when we become mothers, but even Superwoman has only 2 hands. Before I had kids, I had no idea the amount of care and attention children require. And it lasts years. They grow and they have homework, we need to watch what they do, what kind of friends they have.. It’s not as much physical work, but it’s something else. We are teachers, nurses, rulers, chauffeurs, psychologists, cooks forever of course, and the list is long. I found it easier when they were all little. Though I’d do it all over again.

I’m excited for you and your spouse for the arrival of your little one. The overwhelming feeling of joy you experience when you see your baby for the first time is priceless. Because yes, I forgot the most important: they bring a lot of joy and sweetness into our lives and make us grow. And you discover with your first baby that you had no idea you could love so much. Ok, I’ll stop. I have tears coming to my eyes thinking about all these years.
 
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