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Aisha1

Major Ratslayer
When your baby is there, believe me, there will be times when your husband will have to assist you. You won’t be able to do it all at all times. Like the days when you’re sick and have to stay in bed.
A baby demands your care about 18 hours a day. When they sleep, either you sleep or you do all the rest of your work. When our twins were born, we found ourselves all in a sudden with 4 children under 5: a five year old, a 2 year old and two newborn babies. My husband had a very demanding job in a consulting firm and he travelled a lot but when he was home, he stepped up to the plate. He didn’t feel like it would make him less of a man. That was his kids and his job too. He changed messy diapers (even though he hated it), he woke up with me in the middle of the night to feed her bottle to one of the babies when the other one couldn’t wait for her turn to be fed and would scream bloody murder. He said that he was grateful for all my work and that he couldn’t do all what I do all day. One time, he even joked that going back to the office on Monday mornings felt like a vacation.

There were good years and I had easy going babies but it was a lot of work and I couldn’t have done it alone. Life with young kids get crazy at times and we can’t be in two places at the same time and do 10 things at the same time (Though sometimes we sort of do :))
I grew up seeing my mother slaving away round the clock while my father did nothing after work and treated her like a servant. Even as a child, it annoyed me to no end and When i was a teenager and old enough to think for myself, I swore that I would not have a life like hers. Men work hard too but they have days off. A mother doesn’t get one day off, even on vacations. There is no way my husband would have watch me tending 4 children, then later 5, while he’s sitting watching tv. Some men think that they worked hard all day so they deserve to be served when they get home. Well, guess who else worked hard all day too?

Sorry if it’s so long. @Aisha1, I’m not saying what you should do of course. I respect your beliefs about traditional roles in your culture. In our culture, women do all the housework tasks too and serve husband and children the same way. Men feel entitled and many believe housework is not their job, even when their wife works full time outside the home as well. I’m just saying when babies start coming, life gets much, much busier and the rules of the game change. As women, we can do a lot, we turn ourselves in Superwoman when we become mothers, but even Superwoman has only 2 hands. Before I had kids, I had no idea the amount of care and attention children require. And it lasts years. They grow and they have homework, we need to watch what they do, what kind of friends they have.. It’s not as much physical work, but it’s something else. We are teachers, nurses, rulers, chauffeurs, psychologists, cooks forever of course, and the list is long. I found it easier when they were all little. Though I’d do it all over again. I’m excited for you and your spouse for the arrival of your little one. The overwhelming feeling of joy you experience when you see your baby for the first time. Because yes, I forgot the most important. They bring a lot of joy and sweetness into our lives and make us grow. And you discover with your first baby that you had no idea you could love so much. Ok, I’ll stop. I have tears coming to my eyes thinking about all these years.
I get what you are saying, our cultures are very different in ways and similar in ways, I’ve watched my mom raise 5 after me without help and my grandmother raise 6 without help ( more traditional than my parents, my grandfather did nothing and still does nothing in home… especially when it involved kids). If I’m sick he may help, but I promise it will be if I’m absolutely bed ridden, it’s just not their role and we really stand strong to that….. That’s not good always, I’d like help… but as an Arab I knew what I was getting into when I accepted 3 times.
 

Aisha1

Major Ratslayer
When your baby is there, believe me, there will be times when your husband will have to assist you. You won’t be able to do it all at all times. Like the days when you’re sick and have to stay in bed.
A baby demands your care about 18 hours a day. When they sleep, either you sleep or you do all the rest of your work. When our twins were born, we found ourselves all in a sudden with 4 children under 5: a five year old, a 2 year old and two newborn babies. My husband had a very demanding job in a consulting firm and he travelled a lot but when he was home, he stepped up to the plate. He didn’t feel like it would make him less of a man. That was his kids and his job too. He changed messy diapers (even though he hated it), he woke up with me in the middle of the night to feed her bottle to one of the babies when the other one couldn’t wait for her turn to be fed and would scream bloody murder. He said that he was grateful for all my work and that he couldn’t do all what I do all day. One time, he even joked that going back to the office on Monday mornings felt like a vacation.

There were good years and I had easy going babies but it was a lot of work and I couldn’t have done it alone. Life with young kids get crazy at times and we can’t be in two places at the same time and do 10 things at the same time (Though sometimes we sort of do :))
I grew up seeing my mother slaving away round the clock while my father did nothing after work and treated her like a servant. Even as a child, it annoyed me to no end and When i was a teenager and old enough to think for myself, I swore that I would not have a life like hers. Men work hard too but they have days off. A mother doesn’t get one day off, even on vacations. There is no way my husband would have watch me tending 4 children, then later 5, while he’s sitting watching tv. Some men think that they worked hard all day so they deserve to be served when they get home. Well, guess who else worked hard all day too?

Sorry if it’s so long. @Aisha1, I’m not saying what you should do of course. I respect your beliefs about traditional roles in your culture. In our culture, women do all the housework tasks too and serve husband and children the same way. Men feel entitled and many believe housework is not their job, even when their wife works full time outside the home as well. I’m just saying when babies start coming, life gets much, much busier and the rules of the game change. As women, we can do a lot, we turn ourselves in Superwoman when we become mothers, but even Superwoman has only 2 hands. Before I had kids, I had no idea the amount of care and attention children require. And it lasts years. They grow and they have homework, we need to watch what they do, what kind of friends they have.. It’s not as much physical work, but it’s something else. We are teachers, nurses, rulers, chauffeurs, psychologists, cooks forever of course, and the list is long. I found it easier when they were all little. Though I’d do it all over again. I’m excited for you and your spouse for the arrival of your little one. The overwhelming feeling of joy you experience when you see your baby for the first time. Because yes, I forgot the most important. They bring a lot of joy and sweetness into our lives and make us grow. And you discover with your first baby that you had no idea you could love so much. Ok, I’ll stop. I have tears coming to my eyes thinking about all these years.
That’s one reason boys are so close with their mothers because they with us all the time. We are very excited to meet him I know that for sure.
 

Sabrina

Major Ratslayer
You really believe that? A little rat boy going to take over all the menial and boring housework tasks?
Inform yourself about the rat culture and background. Most likely he had a mother and sisters who catered for him and all the men in the house all his life. He probably never made his bed or wouldn’t know how to boil an egg. But he also agreed he’d take care of the babies all day while you work? Lol even in our countries, not many men would be able to take care of a baby. Even after a couple of hours, they’d go crazy!
But he told you all that and you liked him even more for saying these beautiful words. Believing all his crap is not good.
Hey Mine could cook
 

Sabrina

Major Ratslayer
I get what you are saying, our cultures are very different in ways and similar in ways, I’ve watched my mom raise 5 after me without help and my grandmother raise 6 without help ( more traditional than my parents, my grandfather did nothing and still does nothing in home… especially when it involved kids). If I’m sick he may help, but I promise it will be if I’m absolutely bed ridden, it’s just not their role and we really stand strong to that….. That’s not good always, I’d like help… but as an Arab I knew what I was getting into when I accepted 3 times.
I understand you doing what you do, I think I would be the same way. I raised a son all on my own and worked and more I do for my son as I’m sure I would my husband I don’t know where it came from culture or just different humans… but twins and other children… wow total different situation
 

confuseddotcom

Major Ratslayer
What I asked him was : When I go for work will you do the house-work, and when we have a baby and you have no job will you do the things in the house? He agreed, no problem, he said. And I liked him for that.
Ugh is his dingaling made of gold for you to be throwing all this money at him?!

There’s not a single man on this earth worth sponsoring or worshipping other than the man that’s walked you down the aisle, and promised to love, honour and protect you. 950 euros for a flat you say? Wooow. If this is true, he is riding you like a rodeo bull. He will as you say, be happy to stay at home (btw what kind of Arab man would be proud of it) while you work for a few years, he’ll build his money up and then boom the problems start, and he gets to take off as a man of means.

The depth of your love now is the depth of your wound later :( Men value what they invest in, and by the looks of it he’s providing F all. You deserve better!
 

Aisha1

Major Ratslayer
run away girl from him before it's too late, they deceive young girls too, this is a very bad sign that you gave him money, he will ask more and more of you, we all loved at one time, but now we are very sorry.
I think some women have this idea if they are similar in age to the man, young and attractive that they have found something different…their man is real and not out for visa or money…. only rats target older ladies or not attractive….. well the truth is none of that matters, they target the naive and vulnerable, those specifically have nothing to do with age or looks. The rat doesn’t love you, he in some cases actually despises you and laughs about you.
 

Wara2

Well-Known Member
She had alot to absorb … hopefully she is thinking about all!!

It is very kind of you to ask how I am doing today.
My first problem, to take in what you have written, is that a man who has treated me with love is called a "rat" by you. It is terrible.
After sleeping on it once, I think it is possible that he could be a damn bad person. Especially because he took advantage of you so much. I will check in the next few days what can be checked in terms of his sincerity. My doubts still lie especially in the fact that when he asks for money for his parents, that this in Tunisian culture puts "shame" on him and shows his insincerity. And that it means he is only interested on money and the visa.
AND above all that one could already from this act conclude his dishonorableness.
I will and I must find out. There is no way to marry him if he is a dishonest person.
 

Butterflies

Major Ratslayer
It is very kind of you to ask how I am doing today.
My first problem, to take in what you have written, is that a man who has treated me with love is called a "rat" by you. It is terrible.
After sleeping on it once, I think it is possible that he could be a damn bad person. Especially because he took advantage of you so much. I will check in the next few days what can be checked in terms of his sincerity. My doubts still lie especially in the fact that when he asks for money for his parents, that this in Tunisian culture puts "shame" on him and shows his insincerity. And that it means he is only interested on money and the visa.
AND above all that one could already from this act conclude his dishonorableness.
I will and I must find out. There is no way to marry him if he is a dishonest person.
Thank you for replying @Wara2 I know it hurts when we call these men rats as this is what's the name of the forum :tunisian love rats. And we can in all honesty say we don't call each tunisian man a rat it's only when it's clear to us he is one, we are only going by what you told us about him. We all where convinced our tunisian man loved us for us and not for what he could gaine from us. Accepting your money is a red flag and all the other things you told to. If you talk to him don't let him know you are on this forum asking for advice, he will only say we are sabotaging your relationship and we all are old bitter women. Try to investigate more, search for other acounts on social media, ask a trusted member here or a friend of you as if he has more acounts the chance is he blocked you from seeing it . I know it's scary to do so but you have every right to do so. Arabs who have a relationship are investigated by their future families. Remember it's your future and it's important you are safe.
 

Sabrina

Major Ratslayer
Thank you for replying @Wara2 I know it hurts when we call these men rats as this is what's the name of the forum :tunisian love rats. And we can in all honesty say we don't call each tunisian man a rat it's only when it's clear to us he is one, we are only going by what you told us about him. We all where convinced our tunisian man loved us for us and not for what he could gaine from us. Accepting your money is a red flag and all the other things you told to. If you talk to him don't let him know you are on this forum asking for advice, he will only say we are sabotaging your relationship and we all are old bitter women. Try to investigate more, search for other acounts on social media, ask a trusted member here or a friend of you as if he has more acounts the chance is he blocked you from seeing it . I know it's scary to do so but you have every right to do so. Arabs who have a relationship are investigated by their future families. Remember it's your future and it's important you are safe.
True and he could have several SIM cards. I know for a fact mine has 3 and counting
 

SouthernGirl

Major Ratslayer
And that it means he is only interested on money and the visa.
You got that right! That’s all what he is about. This is a fact: a good Tunisian man will not take money from a woman. It’s very shameful in the Arabic culture. Scammers have no shame. They want money and they use others to get it. This man is not true to you.

Can you imagine a German man that you are dating asks you to pay his parents’rent? No, because Good men in Europe or anywhere else don’t do that.
I’m glad you are now suspicious -because you should be, it’s not normal that he asked you to pay bills- and decided to be watchful. Remember again that people lie, some people are bad and will victimize others. This man is a liar and he wants a visa and money. Best wishes, @Wara2. Let us know in the future how you’re doing.
 

Wara2

Well-Known Member
You got that right! That’s all what he is about. This is a fact: a good Tunisian man will not take money from a woman. It’s very shameful in the Arabic culture. Scammers have no shame. They want money and they use others to get it. This man is not true to you.

Can you imagine a German man that you are dating asks you to pay his parents’rent? No, because Good men in Europe or anywhere else don’t do that.
I’m glad you are now suspicious -because you should be, it’s not normal that he asked you to pay bills- and decided to be watchful. Remember again that people lie, some people are bad and will victimize others. This man is a liar and he wants a visa and money. Best wishes, @Wara2. Let us know in the future how you’re doing.
I shall report in about a weeks time. Thank you all.
 

SouthernGirl

Major Ratslayer
I shall report in about a weeks time. Thank you all.
Thank YOU, @Wara2. We want to know how things will go. Do not forget one important thing: that you are strong and you’re more intelligent than him, even if he will try to make you believe the opposite. Do not give him any opportunity to overpower you and destroy your life and future dreams.
 
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