I get what you are saying, our cultures are very different in ways and similar in ways, I’ve watched my mom raise 5 after me without help and my grandmother raise 6 without help ( more traditional than my parents, my grandfather did nothing and still does nothing in home… especially when it involved kids). If I’m sick he may help, but I promise it will be if I’m absolutely bed ridden, it’s just not their role and we really stand strong to that….. That’s not good always, I’d like help… but as an Arab I knew what I was getting into when I accepted 3 times.When your baby is there, believe me, there will be times when your husband will have to assist you. You won’t be able to do it all at all times. Like the days when you’re sick and have to stay in bed.
A baby demands your care about 18 hours a day. When they sleep, either you sleep or you do all the rest of your work. When our twins were born, we found ourselves all in a sudden with 4 children under 5: a five year old, a 2 year old and two newborn babies. My husband had a very demanding job in a consulting firm and he travelled a lot but when he was home, he stepped up to the plate. He didn’t feel like it would make him less of a man. That was his kids and his job too. He changed messy diapers (even though he hated it), he woke up with me in the middle of the night to feed her bottle to one of the babies when the other one couldn’t wait for her turn to be fed and would scream bloody murder. He said that he was grateful for all my work and that he couldn’t do all what I do all day. One time, he even joked that going back to the office on Monday mornings felt like a vacation.
There were good years and I had easy going babies but it was a lot of work and I couldn’t have done it alone. Life with young kids get crazy at times and we can’t be in two places at the same time and do 10 things at the same time (Though sometimes we sort of do )
I grew up seeing my mother slaving away round the clock while my father did nothing after work and treated her like a servant. Even as a child, it annoyed me to no end and When i was a teenager and old enough to think for myself, I swore that I would not have a life like hers. Men work hard too but they have days off. A mother doesn’t get one day off, even on vacations. There is no way my husband would have watch me tending 4 children, then later 5, while he’s sitting watching tv. Some men think that they worked hard all day so they deserve to be served when they get home. Well, guess who else worked hard all day too?
Sorry if it’s so long. @Aisha1, I’m not saying what you should do of course. I respect your beliefs about traditional roles in your culture. In our culture, women do all the housework tasks too and serve husband and children the same way. Men feel entitled and many believe housework is not their job, even when their wife works full time outside the home as well. I’m just saying when babies start coming, life gets much, much busier and the rules of the game change. As women, we can do a lot, we turn ourselves in Superwoman when we become mothers, but even Superwoman has only 2 hands. Before I had kids, I had no idea the amount of care and attention children require. And it lasts years. They grow and they have homework, we need to watch what they do, what kind of friends they have.. It’s not as much physical work, but it’s something else. We are teachers, nurses, rulers, chauffeurs, psychologists, cooks forever of course, and the list is long. I found it easier when they were all little. Though I’d do it all over again. I’m excited for you and your spouse for the arrival of your little one. The overwhelming feeling of joy you experience when you see your baby for the first time. Because yes, I forgot the most important. They bring a lot of joy and sweetness into our lives and make us grow. And you discover with your first baby that you had no idea you could love so much. Ok, I’ll stop. I have tears coming to my eyes thinking about all these years.