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Comehere

Rat Expert
Hi, I'm fairly new, lthough I have been in contact with MH and Mica, looking for perspective.

Going back 10 months ago, I was on holiday in Sousse with my girlfriend's, definitely not looking for a holiday fling - but things didn't work out that way. We ended up in a club the 2nd night we were there, my friend fancied a barman, I was lecturing her that he's a Tunisian and probably got a different girl everynight (when in hindsight it was me that needed the lecture), because it vwas me that got talking to the DJ. I won't bore you with all the cheesy and gory details, but we spent the rest of the holiday together. I was on alert so to speak, but I had no real plans to see him again once the holiday was over. Due to his work he already has visa and he wasnt poor.

After arrived back in the UK, we did keep in contact, he was asking to meet up again soon, he would send me gifts through the post, I woke up every morning to a message.

There was a big DJing event happening in December, he asked me to go, so I did (I'll add here I didn't pay, he paid for my flights and everything hilsti was there). This happened several more times, we were seeing each other at least once a month.

Corona hit, I was working from home, he wasn't working but doing radio, we were in contact constsntly, I was falling for him. He told me he loved me, I didn't say it back. June arrived he was back DJing in clubs, he had a set coming up in ibiza, again he wanted me to go, so I did, we had a great few days together.

Back in Tunisia I knew he was DJing with a female DJ, it was a work colleague I didn't feel threatened, until I stumbled across a video of them together, they looked to close for my liking. I had a go at him, he said they were purely work friends and that was it. I was pissy with him, he asked to meet up, I declined, ladt week he sent me a massive bouquet of flowers, was all over me up until Friday, where I haven't heard from him - he's ghosting me.

Last night I told him I'm done and goodbye.

I am having a little wobble this evening!

Thank you for reading if you've gotten this far

X
 

JGG

Major Ratslayer
Well once again this story confirms that rats come in all shapes...
You probably hurt his ego (good ;)) anyway you deserve a medal because I wouldn’t be able to trust a DJ from my own place, let alone a Tunisian one. They all have that same reputation, unfortunately.
Oh these men know exactly how to worm their way into our hearts....for me....ghosting is a deal breaker (now anyways)....they do that to make you miss them then contact them again because they are our heroin....we need the lovbombing fix. Stay strong...and stay away. Im sorry to say that you are not and never will be his future. Glad you are here.♡
 

simple

Major Ratslayer
It will be all about money and permanent residence [visa]...Well off ???Paying for flights and hotels??? If thats the case he has no need to lovebomb you ,thats how they get control,,,If the lovebombing wasnt a factor ,i would not have commented here as there woudlnt be cause for alarm ,,,But that is a big red flag ...His ghosting you is a form of manipulation,,so i hope you stay strong and dont reply when he contacts you again ,,Was the female dj Tunisian or foreign???
 

Comehere

Rat Expert
It will be all about money and permanent residence [visa]...Well off ???Paying for flights and hotels??? If thats the case he has no need to lovebomb you ,thats how they get control,,,If the lovebombing wasnt a factor ,i would not have commented here as there woudlnt be cause for alarm ,,,But that is a big red flag ...His ghosting you is a form of manipulation,,so i hope you stay strong and dont reply when he contacts you again ,,Was the female dj Tunisian or foreign???

She is a Tunisian dj
 

Comehere

Rat Expert
Oh these men know exactly how to worm their way into our hearts....for me....ghosting is a deal breaker (now anyways)....they do that to make you miss them then contact them again because they are our heroin....we need the lovbombing fix. Stay strong...and stay away. Im sorry to say that you are not and never will be his future. Glad you are here.♡

Ghosting is a huge no no for me too, if you can't be an adult and have a proper conversation if you have an isdue, then jog on, thats why I'm done with him x
 

ButterflyBee

Major Ratslayer
She is a Tunisian dj
A Tunisian girl being a DJ isn’t culturally accepted to be honest, she will be looked on by men and by society as a s***, to be blunt. So it wouldn’t be surprising if he was having fun with her behind your back. Also a lot of Tunisian girls are aware of foreign girlfriends and tend to be either in on whatever scam the guy has going on OR doesn’t give a sh** because he’s just a bit of fun for her too. If you had a feeling about the two of them being too close, always trust your instinct...
 

Comehere

Rat Expert
Its not uncommon for girlfriends to be on the scam also.....I take it they both DJ at the same hotel as part of an animation team as 9 times out of 10 ,,thats how they manage to travel abroad ,to DJ at the sister hotel in another country !
No, they don't DJ together a lot, she was a guest DJ at the club this particular night. Neither are dj's at hotels, it's clubs/bars only x
 

ButterflyBee

Major Ratslayer
I'll put it out here, I havent cried over him (thank goodness), but today I am absolutely fuming with him. If he was local I would be giving him a piece of my mind, but unfortunately I cant do that - which frustrates me more than anything x
I can imagine you just want to jump him and tell him exactly what a coward (could think of a stronger word) he is. But that’s what he’ll be expecting. Ghost him as he ghosted you, 0 contact will make healing easier x
 

Bubbly

Major Ratslayer
I'll put it out here, I havent cried over him (thank goodness), but today I am absolutely fuming with him. If he was local I would be giving him a piece of my mind, but unfortunately I cant do that - which frustrates me more than anything x
Hahaha I know what you mean, mine is local and it still gets me infuriated even after beating the sh*t out of him but it is all worth it. Curse him so hard he could hear you, I swear something wrong will happen to him !
 

simple

Major Ratslayer
My shoes have arrived!!!! I'm going to stamp all over his face, then I'm out with the girls - onwards and upwards ladies x
This is good news ,dont forget to leave the price tag on if you post a picture on fb ,so he can see it ..then block him..In fact if you can put a couple of empty Chanel bags and DG bags ,around your shoes ,so he will think you bought items from there also ,That will make him green with envy,,,xx
 

Tinker-lulu

Major Ratslayer
Hi, I'm fairly new, lthough I have been in contact with MH and Mica, looking for perspective.

Going back 10 months ago, I was on holiday in Sousse with my girlfriend's, definitely not looking for a holiday fling - but things didn't work out that way. We ended up in a club the 2nd night we were there, my friend fancied a barman, I was lecturing her that he's a Tunisian and probably got a different girl everynight (when in hindsight it was me that needed the lecture), because it vwas me that got talking to the DJ. I won't bore you with all the cheesy and gory details, but we spent the rest of the holiday together. I was on alert so to speak, but I had no real plans to see him again once the holiday was over. Due to his work he already has visa and he wasnt poor.

After arrived back in the UK, we did keep in contact, he was asking to meet up again soon, he would send me gifts through the post, I woke up every morning to a message.

There was a big DJing event happening in December, he asked me to go, so I did (I'll add here I didn't pay, he paid for my flights and everything hilsti was there). This happened several more times, we were seeing each other at least once a month.

Corona hit, I was working from home, he wasn't working but doing radio, we were in contact constsntly, I was falling for him. He told me he loved me, I didn't say it back. June arrived he was back DJing in clubs, he had a set coming up in ibiza, again he wanted me to go, so I did, we had a great few days together.

Back in Tunisia I knew he was DJing with a female DJ, it was a work colleague I didn't feel threatened, until I stumbled across a video of them together, they looked to close for my liking. I had a go at him, he said they were purely work friends and that was it. I was pissy with him, he asked to meet up, I declined, ladt week he sent me a massive bouquet of flowers, was all over me up until Friday, where I haven't heard from him - he's ghosting me.

Last night I told him I'm done and goodbye.

I am having a little wobble this evening!

Thank you for reading if you've gotten this far

X
Sounds different?. NOT... he obviously have heard about “love rats” another tactic? Hell YEAH... welcome and thanks for sharing as this story is one for us to Note x
 

Scottish Lassie

Ratslayer
Good afternoon @Comehere. Thank you for sharing your story with us and welcome. You’ll definitely receive support from the ladies on here. They’ve all be there and done it. As I started reading your post it all sounded romantic (especially that he already had his own visa) and sounded too good to be true. By the time I reached the end of the post I realised that it was. I know all about the ghosting. My rat did that constantly to me. He’s also keep blocking and unblocking me on WhatsApp, Facebook, Skype and evening LinkedIn. It was as if he was waiting for a response. Suddenly he’d unblock me but not say anything and he’d send me a connect request on LinkedIn and then block me before I could even respond. I never used to be the first one to respond when he unblocked me on social media. We mainly chatted on WhatsApp. He’d wait until I was online and then type a message saying, “I caught you!” He’d attempt to start chatting and I’d usually respond. We’d chat for a while and then he’d suddenly have to leave. I’d message him and the message wouldn’t be delivered (probably when he changed his sim to chat to some other women) but he’d still be online on Facebook despite being “so busy”. Towards the end he was ghosting me a lot, making his silent treatment very obvious and then expected me to be available to chat whenever he decided he was ready to return. Sadly towards the end he kept trying to have booty calls and wasn’t interested in how I was or what had been going on in my life. In the beginning he asked all these things and was attentive and caring. I told him once that once I block someone on social media (especially apps such as Facebook & Instagram) I don’t turn back. I told him I don’t go through all the people I’ve blocked (I have about 400 on Instagram..him included) and decide if I’ve “forgiven them and am willing to remove them from the naughty list“. He blocked me on LinkedIn (got to do that before I blocked him). With it being a professional platform you don’t have the option to block someone who has blocked you. I just pray he doesn’t try to contact me on there one day. I’ll quickly block his sorry arse. I’m not ghosting him...I will NOT contact him again! He may still be in my system and there may still be some hurt...but knowing what I know now there is no way I will allow him to worm his way back into my life in the form of a Hoover. I’m done!!!
 

Scottish Lassie

Ratslayer
I can imagine you just want to jump him and tell him exactly what a coward (could think of a stronger word) he is. But that’s what he’ll be expecting. Ghost him as he ghosted you, 0 contact will make healing easier x
Definitely the best advice. If you can master “No contact” you are on your way to a full recovery. If anyone ends up with regret...it won’t be you! x
 
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