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D

Deleted member 37940

Guest
I know there can be grey areas surrounding assets depending on which country it is but I stand by a joint account .
Then people can't complain the Tunisian isn't paying towards bills like I have seen many times stated on here and also stops the woman from not knowing where chunks of money is going .
The woman can always put her money before the Tunisian arrives into a savings account
It then stops 3 of the above situations mentioned
 

MH007

Administrator
Staff member
Well i still dont support the idea of joint accounts. The crazy thing is that in the beginning i thought we should have joint accounts but during the wedding ceremony my husband said that we do not want to have any joint property. I was upset about this initialy because it was done without my knowledge and also i thought that as a married couple we should do stuff together like my parents lol. Now i only thank to god that he did that. He turned out to be extremely greedy person who would cheet me out of even 5 cents if possible. He never wanted to pay half of anything, he was sending money to tunisia then when i sold the house he wanted to take his part lol and now he left. Just imagine what would have happened if we did have joined accounts. Mybe he would be sending my money to tunisia as well? I probaly would not have a roof over my head at this point lol. I imagine it maybe a good idea if both of you dont have much to loose.
I wouldn't have joint anything nor would I put them on my utilities, phone or anything that would allow him to get credit.

Keep your cards and finances close to your chest and never allow any financial links.

MH x
 
D

Deleted member 37940

Guest
Cant do that
Be like treating the person worse than a dog just because of a ' what if '
Don't get married if don't trust them at all ..
What's the point ?
 

Myriam1

Major Ratslayer
Another important matter is inheritence.
Be aware that as a non muslim a wife can never inherit something from her husband in Tunisia. To avoid this, the wife has to convert officially to islam and has to declare it to the municipality. I have seen bewidowed european wives thrown out of their long time homes after her tunisian husband died, the inlaws just leaving here without any resources on the street. Also witnessed some inlaws trying to do so, but happily the european widow could provide the declaration of her becoming a muslima clearly accepted long years before by the municipality...so she kept her house and belongings! Inlaws were very very disappointed, I guarantee you that! This couple of 45 years had 3 children and had been living the whole married life together in Tunisia! Her husband was a gentle and wonderful man, very open minded and intelligent, he had foreseen his family's reaction towards his wife in case he would dissapear.
 
D

Deleted member 37940

Guest
I'm trying to give advice on 3 seperate things if you don't agree that's ok that's up to the individual
Its also up to the individual on how she broaches her married life .
If there is any red flags before the marraige then it's up to her not to marry him

There is stories of people being married x amount of years and it happening which is truely shocking I don't dispute that
But how can a person have a normal marraige when the person won't even allow the Tunisian to be on any bills etc
 

JGG

Major Ratslayer
Cant do that
Be like treating the person worse than a dog just because of a ' what if '
Don't get married if don't trust them at all ..
What's the point ?
Sooooo.....being lied to...cheated on and scammed isn't being treated like a dog? LOL I'm sorry but LOL. I gave my rat love....trust...money....dont think that I treated him like a dog. Im offended by your immature statement!♡
 
D

Deleted member 37940

Guest
Immature ? So safe guarding finances is immature ?
 
D

Deleted member 37940

Guest
If a person has any seed of doubt why marry ?
What makes you think I am in no position ? Do you know me or my situation?
 
D

Deleted member 37940

Guest
Who mentioned ever that you treated your husband like a dog ?
My reply was to the statement of not allowing him to have any bills
 

Anna2you

Major Ratslayer
I'm trying to give advice on 3 seperate things if you don't agree that's ok that's up to the individual
Its also up to the individual on how she broaches her married life .
If there is any red flags before the marraige then it's up to her not to marry him

There is stories of people being married x amount of years and it happening which is truely shocking I don't dispute that
But how can a person have a normal marraige when the person won't even allow the Tunisian to be on any bills etc
Loll ...my husband was not on any bills because he was not interested in being on any bills...he only wanted to be on the house ownership papers lol...all of this came up only after he arrived in Canada. I suggested joint account at one point but he was also not interested. I really hope you will be more lucky with your guy.
 

Anna2you

Major Ratslayer
Immature ? So safe guarding finances is immature ?
Also..you can hide any money you want on separate accounts..when it comes down to divorce the lawyers have the right to dig out anything you have and you will have to share it does not matter if you had it before or after. Here in case if he would want to go on social assistance i would also have been responsible for paying that back for the period of time that i signed the contract to be responsible for him.
 

simple

Major Ratslayer
I'm trying to give advice on 3 seperate things if you don't agree that's ok that's up to the individual
Its also up to the individual on how she broaches her married life .
If there is any red flags before the marraige then it's up to her not to marry him

There is stories of people being married x amount of years and it happening which is truely shocking I don't dispute that
But how can a person have a normal marraige when the person won't even allow the Tunisian to be on any bills etc
If she has made the choice to marry ,then she sees a future with him and of course will behave as any married couple do .If he provides and pays the bills , even if he contributes half ,then all well and good ,If he cant then the advice is protect your assets as much as you can ,,,
 

Anna2you

Major Ratslayer
Sooooo.....being lied to...cheated on and scammed isn't being treated like a dog? LOL I'm sorry but LOL. I gave my rat love....trust...money....dont think that I treated him like a dog. Im offended by your immature statement!♡
So sorry JGG...i know that many women here have lost so much. Many lives got ruined because of the poor women who trusted those guys with everything they had. I the end they lost their life savings, health, dreams and even their lives. I am just so glad we are still alive...I also feel that if my husband could he would have prefered i just died and he stayed in the house lol. I think thats why he would be a jerk and start fights after he found out i developed heart disease. Thats why i feel he also wanted me to continue to work 2 jobs and even nights. Because it just became very obvious that he did not care about me at all since he first set his foot in Canada and that he was only after money. Really i feel like god is watching over me because it could have ended so much worse.
 
D

Deleted member 37940

Guest
Like I stated country to country is different and of course there is many grey areas .
I think my point has been missed .
Money sent to Tunisia, him not paying towards the house or bills etc .
Generally speaking it stops huge chunks of money from being sent to may be the Tunisian girlfriend/ family or build a house
 

JGG

Major Ratslayer
So sorry JGG...i know that many women here have lost so much. Many lives got ruined because of the poor women who trusted those guys with everything they had. I the end they lost their life savings, health, dreams and even their lives. I am just so glad we are still alive...I also feel that if my husband could he would have prefered i just died and he stayed in the house lol. I think thats why he would be a jerk and start fights after he found out i developed heart disease. Thats why i feel he also wanted me to continue to work 2 jobs and even nights. Because it just became very obvious that he did not care about me at all since he first set his foot in Canada and that he was only after money. Really i feel like god is watching over me because it could have ended so much worse.
You are a very strong woman Anna.....I am so proud of the many women here who have survived these Rat experiences.....and....until you go through something like this.....you have no idea about the pain and suffering these relationships cause.Thank God there is a forum like this where women (and men) can come and share their experiences.....gain some knowledge and comfort. In the end....I pray that every one of us can find peace and joy in our lives. ♡
 

Anna2you

Major Ratslayer
Cant do that
Be like treating the person worse than a dog just because of a ' what if '
Don't get married if don't trust them at all ..
What's the point ?
How is not giving him access to all your money treating a person like a dog? Do you believe that giving or not giving somebody money is some kind of proof of love? In addition do you think that all those things were so obvious before the marriage? Well then i hope that it will all work out for you the way you imagine because i do not wish you anything bad. But many of us trused those men thats why we lost in the end...dont you think?
 

Anna2you

Major Ratslayer
You are a very strong woman Anna.....I am so proud of the many women here who have survived these Rat experiences.....and....until you go through something like this.....you have no idea about the pain and suffering these relationships cause.Thank God there is a forum like this where women (and men) can come and share their experiences.....gain some knowledge and comfort. In the end....I pray that every one of us can find peace and joy in our lives. ♡
Thank you JGG .. well i am not that strong or I would be over it already ...but i am ok somehow. Yes i am so greatful for this forum becaue it is very helpful to have a place where you are understood. Out there not everybody can relate and i dont want any ..i told you so..lol...Of course cant blame the people because as you said unless you go through it it is hard to always imagine what somebody is feeling.
 

Layla

Well-Known Member
I feel like a snob every time I say it, but I do feel that my husband's family being middle class and well travelled made a huge difference in our relationship....Not that middle class men from LaMarsa cant be rats but I do feel his family and upbringing (raised in europe untill teenager) made it less likely.

He always says he has a hard time relating to Tunisians.
I'm in full agreement with you here. Marrying someone with a higher socio economic status & who is well travelled makes a massive difference. My husband is from Cairo and ticks all those boxes too. He had lived and worked in several countries before we met.

Before we moved to the UK in 2010 we lived in UAE for a couple of years. At that time I was a member of a now defunct forum which was kind of like TLR but for Egyptians (and with massive fights as hardly ever moderated!) and I knew lots of women on there who had married Egyptians (mostly ones they had met on holiday/internet) and my husband point blank refused to meet most of them if we we were having meet ups in Egypt as he said they were "B2eea" (low class) I used to get really annoyed at his snobbery but he has way more good qualities than bad.

10 years later I see on FB that very few of those marriages have survived as many were rats. I know of 2 ladies who married Copts (christians) and they are still together. My husband is also Coptic so I suppose the fact they can only get married the once in Church makes marriage fraud less likely.

He is also very far away from the stereotypical north african male. When we moved to the UK he purposely avoided making friends with Egyptians, instead preferring to soak himself in UK culture. He took up DIY, learned to make a mean roast dinner with all the trimmings and loves a pint of ale.

He never watches Egyptian TV (except for football) rarely listens to the music, we don't cook the food. Our kids don't speak a word of Arabic either. He likes to read an Arabic news site on his phone but that's about as far as it goes

I know this very unusual but it's just the way our relationship has evolved over time. I used to complain he should teach the kids arabic but I'm over it now. ;-)
 
D

Deleted member 37940

Guest
How is not giving him access to all your money treating a person like a dog? Do you believe that giving or not giving somebody money is some kind of proof of love? In addition do you think that all those things were so obvious before the marriage? Well then i hope that it will all work out for you the way you imagine because i do not wish you anything bad. But many of us trused those men thats why we lost in the end...dont you think?
Where did i say access to money ?
I'm.replying to the statement that said
Don't put him on utility bills and so on .
I'm just curious as if is the way of thinking why marry him in the first place ?
I'm in full agreement of safe guarding finances and which ever way the person chooses to broach that that is up to them
I just spoke of an alternative so people can keep an eye on their money .
 
D

Deleted member 37940

Guest
Just to clarify I don't condone rats or bezness or anything like that .
I know people are deeply hurt and so on because of it
I do not belittle anyone's story
 

JGG

Major Ratslayer
Thank you JGG .. well i am not that strong or I would be over it already ...but i am ok somehow. Yes i am so greatful for this forum becaue it is very helpful to have a place where you are understood. Out there not everybody can relate and i dont want any ..i told you so..lol...Of course cant blame the people because as you said unless you go through it it is hard to always imagine what somebody is feeling.
I agree....for me it was that sense of 'I need to find out for myself......and I sure did lol. I know I have not shared much of my story but when this all started in January of 2018....I already was feeling that 'gut instinct' .....I actually found TLR early on in my relationship....March of 2018....I became a member then and reached out to a few people here ....everyone that I talked to were great...they gave me strong warnings and wished me luck. I was one of those that thought " my guy is not like these men....he would never do these bad things to me...he is different...blah blah blah....I never came back to this forum until.....here I am 2 years later and although my story is not as bad as others....I wish I would have taken heed and listened to the advice I was given. I am doing great now and feeling strong and so thankful for this forum. I am fortunate and thankful that my rat never made it to my country....I can't even imagine what my life would be like now if he did. I pray that his next victims finds this forum and listens before its too late. This forum has given me a voice and for that I am grateful♡
 

JGG

Major Ratslayer
Thank you JGG .. well i am not that strong or I would be over it already ...but i am ok somehow. Yes i am so greatful for this forum becaue it is very helpful to have a place where you are understood. Out there not everybody can relate and i dont want any ..i told you so..lol...Of course cant blame the people because as you said unless you go through it it is hard to always imagine what somebody is feeling.
Anna how are you doing now and how long for you since your relationship was over?
 

Anna2you

Major Ratslayer
Anna how are you doing now and how long for you since your relationship was over?
We have separated last day of October. Its been a while..and i am doing ok...but while before i felt kind of numb i now feel angry lol. If that makes sense. I am trying to not think about it much but there is still lot of unresolved issues. It also does not help that i am kind of isolated in a small northern community and far away from my family and friends...the bastard left me here lol in the middle of winter to take care of everything myself ..of course its better that he is gone but its not been easy since my health is not great ..waiting for an operation so that i can function better but now with this covid thing everything is on hold.
 

JGG

Major Ratslayer
We have separated last day of October. Its been a while..and i am doing ok...but while before i felt kind of numb i now feel angry lol. If that makes sense. I am trying to not think about it much but there is still lot of unresolved issues. It also does not help that i am kind of isolated in a small northern community and far away from my family and friends...the bastard left me here lol in the middle of winter to take care of everything myself ..of course its better that he is gone but its not been easy since my health is not great ..waiting for an operation so that i can function better but now with this covid thing everything is on hold.
I am so sorry Anna.....I think your feelings of anger are very common when after dealing with the end of this kind of relationship. I still sometimes wake up from a deep sleep feeling angry, scared and frustrated. I often felt humiliated but soon realized I had to forgive myself and move forward. I refuse now to let him control my emotions and coming here has really
We have separated last day of October. Its been a while..and i am doing ok...but while before i felt kind of numb i now feel angry lol. If that makes sense. I am trying to not think about it much but there is still lot of unresolved issues. It also does not help that i am kind of isolated in a small northern community and far away from my family and friends...the bastard left me here lol in the middle of winter to take care of everything myself ..of course its better that he is gone but its not been easy since my health is not great ..waiting for an operation so that i can function better but now with this covid thing everything is on hold.
I am sorry Anna that you are going through this.....I was a medical flight nurse in The western arctic and lived for years in Yellowknife NWT so I understand the isolation you must feel. I hope you dont have to wait long for your surgery now that things are slowly opening up. Please keep me posted as to when your surgery will take place. You have friends here that care about you! ♡
 

Anna2you

Major Ratslayer
Its Ok JGG and really thank you for you concern. Well i think it will be performed most likely in Vancouver and they will fly me down there and thats where i came from so my sons and friends are down there. Thats at least good becaue i am sure i could not count on him in this anyways. Wow Yellowknife..thats even colder than here i think lol. You sound like a tough cookie...lol.
 
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