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Is he genuine?

Butterflies

Major Ratslayer
Thank you for your words. That's so true.

It's just the culture .... A conversation doesn't help either ..... We have tried many times but without success.

And for my husband, of course, his mother is the greatest.

And because he doesn't want us to have to do without something, he just works harder to be able to offer his mother and me everything.

He not only takes care of his mother financially, but also of all siblings and their children.

A child has severe asthma and other illnesses. Is in the hospital regularly and of course he wants better treatment than the standard.

The other child has problems with their eyes and needs new glasses all the time.
The mother has diabetes. The washing machine is broken or the air conditioning fails.

A sister just does not get pregnant and everything is tried on medicine. She is desperate that her husband will leave her.
I just wanted to say that even if you get a good honest man. It remains very complicated because of the culture and the family.

Many underestimate the problems that come together
Reading your post here it's sad how hard your husband has to work to help his family in tunisia. I know it's the culture and tradition to help but aren't there husbands to help with the needs of their own children? It must be very stressful for you and your husband to live this way, torn between 2 cultures. It's a real eye-opener for many ladies it never stops the helping I suppose.
 

dasa

Senior Rat Expert
The problem is that women do not understand that they have thrown away any chance of a real relationship as soon as they send 1 euro.

In doing so, they have made themselves a woman without honor in the eyes of this culture.

They approach the relationship with their
western approach. And that's the downfall.
In this culture a man has to look after his wife ..... If he doesn't, he is a failure. If he also takes money from a woman, he is even less.
 

Butterflies

Major Ratslayer
The problem is that women do not understand that they have thrown away any chance of a real relationship as soon as they send 1 euro.

In doing so, they have made themselves a woman without honor in the eyes of this culture.

They approach the relationship with their
western approach. And that's the downfall.
In this culture a man has to look after his wife ..... If he doesn't, he is a failure. If he also takes money from a woman, he is even less.
I wished all women who are thinking about getting into a relationship with a tunisian read your words but most of us didn't know all this so we "helped" them.
 

dasa

Senior Rat Expert
I wished all women who are thinking about getting into a relationship with a tunisian read your words but most of us didn't know all this so we "helped" them.
The crazy thing is this.

If you give the man money, you make him a prostitute or a paid actor.

For him, all respect for women is automatically lost. It's in their blood.

It is perfectly normal for us to help when someone we love is in trouble. I don't blame any woman. It's in our blood and in our culture.

And with all the time and the many women who give money so easily, we even raise these rats .....
 

Amira

Major Ratslayer
I've been married to a Tunisian for over 10 years. He is a good man. But still it's not easy with the culture.

His family expects him to send money every month.

And there really is a new emergency every month.

He has a side job to his full time job. Just so he can send money every month and it's never enough.
He is in Europe and therefore rich. And so that the whole family looks good in front of the neighbors, a new house must of course be built. Sheep are slaughtered and the whole neighborhood is cared for.

So that the family can finally get recognition
And even though he's a good man and does everything for me, I feel sorry for him.

His family puts a lot of pressure on him. And there is no escape even though so many miles away

His family isn't bad either. But just without education and very easy.

They do not understand that there is no tap running out of money in Europe
culture is difficult to understand and so are their traditions .It is too perfect where everything should shine. Unable to accept their view of women
 

Amira

Major Ratslayer
A proud man does not ask for money. He provides for himself no matter if he is poor or rich but the problem lies in their traditions and view of women. The problem is that they do not accept those who choose a different path than the traditional one. They should preferably have a virgin but many Tunisian girls have types before marriage and some have surgery before a marriage so where is the honesty it does not exist
 

Butterflies

Major Ratslayer
The crazy thing is this.

If you give the man money, you make him a prostitute or a paid actor.

For him, all respect for women is automatically lost. It's in their blood.

It is perfectly normal for us to help when someone we love is in trouble. I don't blame any woman. It's in our blood and in our culture.

And with all the time and the many women who give money so easily, we even raise these rats .....
With a prostitute you know what you are paying for but with a tunisian love rat not and there is the difference and we don't give money they trick us into "giving" money with all their lies about their sad lives and "operations" . These rats portray themselves as Muslim who cares for the women they show an interest for but it's all fake so it's very important to know what is right and wrong in tunisian culture as they claim to be open minded and liberal but it's really not at all. Maybe the youth who is now growing up they try to be more modern and open but I think when they get older they will go back to the ways they are brought up and settle into the culture they are used to or forced by the older generation to follow the traditions
 

confuseddotcom

Major Ratslayer
Yeah as the others have said, they are like snake charmers and they do find ways of getting money from women. Especially if your boundaries are not so strong (it comes with time). They will guilt trip and use emotional blackmail (“if you loved me you would bla bla bla” or “you love money”). So just imagine you’re in love with or attached to the guy and he gives you the silent treatment if you don’t help his dying uncle/father/sister. And you’re sitting there feeling like a greedy, pampered westerner or a bad wife. You just want things to be the way they were, a few days ago when he was saying habibi ya rouhi. This is what he wanted. Nowadays I’d tell the man to f*** off but when you’re caught in that trap it’s not so easy.
 
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confuseddotcom

Major Ratslayer
End of the day it pays to be selfish. When you think about it Tunisian/Arab women don’t give a shite how or where the groom gets the money from... how far he’s had to degrade or overwork himself. It’s just something that’s got to be done, no questions asked. They don’t feel guilty so why should we.
 

Sabrina

Major Ratslayer
Yeah as the others have said, they are like snake charmers and they do find ways of getting money from women. Especially if your boundaries are not so strong (it comes with time). They will guilt trip and use emotional blackmail (“if you loved me you would bla bla bla” or “you love money”). So just imagine you’re in love with or attached to the guy and he gives you the silent treatment if you don’t help his dying uncle/father/sister. And you’re sitting there feeling like a greedy, pampered westerner or a bad wife. This is what he wanted. Nowadays I’d tell the man to f*** off but when you’re caught in that trap it’s not so easy.
So true you feel like crap if you give into them and you feel like crap if you don’t because you know “we love our money” this must be in their rat text book!
 

confuseddotcom

Major Ratslayer
So true you feel like crap if you give into them and you feel like crap if you don’t because you know “we love our money” this must be in their rat text book!
“You love money.”
“It’s only $5000 it’s the price of a coffee.”
“I will pay you back (in monopoly) when you come.”
“Money is nothing for me, if I had it I’d give it all to you. I fak/foking money.”

ughhh it’s like cycling up a mountain :speechless:
 

Sabrina

Major Ratslayer
“You love money.”
“It’s only $5000 it’s the price of a coffee.”
“I will pay you back (in monopoly) when you come.”
“Money is nothing for me, if I had it I’d give it all to you. I fak/foking money.”

ughhh it’s like cycling up a mountain :speechless:
What’s yours is mine, you’re such a great wife I’ll buy business I will send you back money....... DUH NEVER freakin buttholes;)
 

PaWaa

Junior Rat Expert
Not exactly like that, so that women don't give a dime. When a couple is engaged and prepare to get married, the bride's family also involves in such expenses.
The groom's duty is to build a house for them. But it can take years:) So, if the girl's family is rich enough and they want - they can help with building. Not the bride herself, she doesn't have money on her own.
Also it's bride's family duty - to prepare significant dowry. The bride brings to her new house a lot of stuff, all new dishes, clothes, blankets, all that:)) even if not a rich family. And not like a bag, but can be like several small trucks. So, also costs...
But of cause I'm talking of geniune engagement.
They invest in their daughter's future.
 
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dasa

Senior Rat Expert
Yes, these men manipulate to get money. They engage in emotional blackmail and are adept at asking for money without saying it.

That's why my advice. At the moment when you only send 1 euro, every woman has to know - it's the end.

It's not about love just about money.
 

dasa

Senior Rat Expert
What the rats do is bad. We don't need to discuss it.

But I can understand
You work hard for 200 euros a month and a lot more money comes in for a few lies.

They get sex, they get money, they get visas and a better life in Europe

Of course it's a character thing. But it's easier to have a good character when you're doing well.

Love is a luxury in Tunisia that many cannot afford.
 

PaWaa

Junior Rat Expert
What the rats do is bad. We don't need to discuss it.

But I can understand
You work hard for 200 euros a month and a lot more money comes in for a few lies.

They get sex, they get money, they get visas and a better life in Europe

Of course it's a character thing. But it's easier to have a good character when you're doing well.

Love is a luxury in Tunisia that many cannot afford.
True!!
 

Butterflies

Major Ratslayer
What the rats do is bad. We don't need to discuss it.

But I can understand
You work hard for 200 euros a month and a lot more money comes in for a few lies.

They get sex, they get money, they get visas and a better life in Europe

Of course it's a character thing. But it's easier to have a good character when you're doing well.

Love is a luxury in Tunisia that many cannot afford.
There are lots of people who don't have much money or are not earning alot of money but they don't scam women so no I don't understand it it's evil and they should be ashamed. We don't need to discus rats and I am grateful you are here explaining how a decent tunisian is but I don't accept the reason why these rats destroy women financially, emotionally or otherwise. It's all nice saying you understand the reasons why they want to escape their bad life but I think women who where scammed by these men will think otherwise
 

Sabrina

Major Ratslayer
There are lots of people who don't have much money or are not earning alot of money but they don't scam women so no I don't understand it it's evil and they should be ashamed. We don't need to discus rats and I am grateful you are here explaining how a decent tunisian is but I don't accept the reason why these rats destroy women financially, emotionally or otherwise. It's all nice saying you understand the reasons why they want to escape their bad life but I think women who where scammed by these men will think otherwise
Yeah everyone deserves a better life but these rats do it by deceiving.. and they do not deserve it at a woman’s expense.... leaving them broke, broken hearted when the woman has built her life around a bunch of lies told by the rat, we have to discuss this to warn people, nice to hear what a genuine Tunisian man does but we did not experience a genuine man boy! They do this and move on just to deceive another victim maybe 2 at a time!
 

PaWaa

Junior Rat Expert
I am very far from understanding of rat reasons of scamming!
And relationships with rats are awful not just because of money. But because women after them don't trust any other men. And each time suspect the next rat.
How rat does this: actually a rat does very similar things that truly loving men do.
Does a real man say "I love you" - yes. The same rat does. Does a real man want to marry his beloved girl - yes. The same rats are aimed on. Does a true man want his family meet his girlfriend - yes. The same trick rats execute to scam their victims... And yes, man in love can send love songs, all that stuff, especially when he lives far from the girl... Rat does the same. And so on.
And after rat shows his passion for money, visa, his lies... Everything starts to be seen as lies...
And next time ex-victim hears "I love you", she is ready to run, because she was hurted so horribly with that last time. But unfortunately in most of cases the victim will run faster, before hearing that from geniune man, because she doesn't want any relationships at all after rat....
What i mean: we need to see the situation clear, not making any exuses if we see rats' signs. And need to see closer to a person.
Everybody in the beginning are strangers for each other, everybody can turn to be bad or good person. You dont know before you know:)
Talking to stranger you need to be attentive to what he says and what he means. And protect yourself - do not be hungry of love. If he is rat even, he cannot fish you, if you are not hungry.
And strangers can become friends. Or enemies, possible too:)
But you never know without seeing closer
 

dasa

Senior Rat Expert
There are lots of people who don't have much money or are not earning alot of money but they don't scam women so no I don't understand it it's evil and they should be ashamed. We don't need to discus rats and I am grateful you are here explaining how a decent tunisian is but I don't accept the reason why these rats destroy women financially, emotionally or otherwise. It's all nice saying you understand the reasons why they want to escape their bad life but I think women who where scammed by these men will think otherwise
If you can understand it, then you can protect yourself from it.

And understanding does not mean that I approve or excuse the behavior.

When you understand that there is simply no room for money from a woman in this culture, then you have already learned something very important.
 

dasa

Senior Rat Expert
A man brings a house / apartment to the wedding.

The wife's furniture, linen, pots, etc.

She has been collecting everything since birth, given bed linen and dishes for her birthday so that she can bring her part with her to marriage.

It is the man's duty to take care of her and it would be against everything if he only took 1 dinar from her.

And we're back to the point again. The moment a woman sends only 1 euro, it is clear that it is not a love relationship but bezness.

Our western view of a relationship is normal for us. Just like the Tunisian one for them.

And how can you believe for a moment that a Tunisian man understands our western culture when he has never left his own country?
 

dasa

Senior Rat Expert
When my husband came to Germany many years ago, he suffered a culture shock.

In the advertising the naked women, topless in the swimming pool.

Everyone has sex with everyone and nobody is bothered by it.

Homosexuals who kiss in public

Men who took care of the children at home and the woman was at work.

Women who have best friends and who stay with other men too. Just as friends

Women who act like men. Free and without social pressure.

Single parents and much more.

......

Everything that is normal for us

After so many years, he's got used to almost everything.

But when he goes to Tunisia to visit his family, he has a new problem.

It feels familiar but so strange.

He used to wait 2 hours for the bus, today he is totally annoyed after just 5 minutes.

It used to be normal that the women in the family always sat at home and were not allowed to go out without a guard. Today he feels it is slavery.

His siblings do not understand him and think that Europe has corrupted him. But the European money it brings is good enough.

He is now alien in both worlds


Everything is dirty and the men are wasting their time in the café.

His former friends are no longer his friends.

Envy and resentment are normal.

Another friend came to Germany with the help of a very old woman. It was clear that he only needed them for the visa. The woman kicked him out after he took all of her money.

In Tunisia he plays god. Nobody knows that he has no apartment here in Germany and that he has no end of debts
 
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confuseddotcom

Major Ratslayer
I am very far from understanding of rat reasons of scamming!
And relationships with rats are awful not just because of money. But because women after them don't trust any other men. And each time suspect the next rat.
How rat does this: actually a rat does very similar things that truly loving men do.
Does a real man say "I love you" - yes. The same rat does. Does a real man want to marry his beloved girl - yes. The same rats are aimed on. Does a true man want his family meet his girlfriend - yes. The same trick rats execute to scam their victims... And yes, man in love can send love songs, all that stuff, especially when he lives far from the girl... Rat does the same. And so on.
And after rat shows his passion for money, visa, his lies... Everything starts to be seen as lies...
And next time ex-victim hears "I love you", she is ready to run, because she was hurted so horribly with that last time. But unfortunately in most of cases the victim will run faster, before hearing that from geniune man, because she doesn't want any relationships at all after rat....
What i mean: we need to see the situation clear, not making any exuses if we see rats' signs. And need to see closer to a person.
Everybody in the beginning are strangers for each other, everybody can turn to be bad or good person. You dont know before you know:)
Talking to stranger you need to be attentive to what he says and what he means. And protect yourself - do not be hungry of love. If he is rat even, he cannot fish you, if you are not hungry.
And strangers can become friends. Or enemies, possible too:)
But you never know without seeing closer
I would say that the main difference and biggest sign, is that a rat talks and a man shows
 

PaWaa

Junior Rat Expert
A man brings a house / apartment to the wedding.

The wife's furniture, linen, pots, etc.

She has been collecting everything since birth, given bed linen and dishes for her birthday so that she can bring her part with her to marriage.

It is the man's duty to take care of her and it would be against everything if he only took 1 dinar from her.

And we're back to the point again. The moment a woman sends only 1 euro, it is clear that it is not a love relationship but bezness.

Our western view of a relationship is normal for us. Just like the Tunisian one for them.

And how can you believe for a moment that a Tunisian man understands our western culture when he has never left his own country?
If many year go, even if like 15, i think internet was rather rare thing there. Now everybody everywhere have smartphones with 4g, and they don't live in vacuum. A lot of them have ralatives and abroad, France, Italy, Germany. They are not living in tents in desert. They know a lot about european way of living.
In some things they are absolutrly open and like even to demonstrate "I am not a part of this old mentality", but in some questions... They are absolutely "of this old mentality" :)))
 

dasa

Senior Rat Expert
If many year go, even if like 15, i think internet was rather rare thing there. Now everybody everywhere have smartphones with 4g, and they don't live in vacuum. A lot of them have ralatives and abroad, France, Italy, Germany. They are not living in tents in desert. They know a lot about european way of living.
In some things they are absolutrly open and like even to demonstrate "I am not a part of this old mentality", but in some questions... They are absolutely "of this old mentality" :)))
Of course they don't live in a vacuum and they all know someone who lives abroad.

But that's exactly the problem.

The Tunisians living abroad convey a completely wrong picture of Europe.

They send money, come with big cars and lots of gifts.

But that many live on credit and that everything is just a soap bubble is not seen.

And yes, many want to take advantage of the positive qualities of Western life, just as they do with their culture.

Take only the best of every culture ...... Unfortunately, it doesn't work in the long run.
 

dasa

Senior Rat Expert
Last time we took a rental car. Small and nothing special.

Do you know what was the first thing that was said?

Why are you renting such a little old car? Do you have no money for something better?

Most of them want to show off when they are in Tunisia. They want to show what a good life they have (even if it is not really a good life).

I know someone who works very hard here. For years only work and sleep. He shares a small apartment with 4 other people and only eats the bare essentials. All the money goes to Tunisia to build a house where he will never live.

The main thing is that the family in Tunisia is admired.
 

yougogirl75

Major Ratslayer
I am very far from understanding of rat reasons of scamming!
And relationships with rats are awful not just because of money. But because women after them don't trust any other men. And each time suspect the next rat.
How rat does this: actually a rat does very similar things that truly loving men do.
Does a real man say "I love you" - yes. The same rat does. Does a real man want to marry his beloved girl - yes. The same rats are aimed on. Does a true man want his family meet his girlfriend - yes. The same trick rats execute to scam their victims... And yes, man in love can send love songs, all that stuff, especially when he lives far from the girl... Rat does the same. And so on.
And after rat shows his passion for money, visa, his lies... Everything starts to be seen as lies...
And next time ex-victim hears "I love you", she is ready to run, because she was hurted so horribly with that last time. But unfortunately in most of cases the victim will run faster, before hearing that from geniune man, because she doesn't want any relationships at all after rat....
What i mean: we need to see the situation clear, not making any exuses if we see rats' signs. And need to see closer to a person.
Everybody in the beginning are strangers for each other, everybody can turn to be bad or good person. You dont know before you know:)
Talking to stranger you need to be attentive to what he says and what he means. And protect yourself - do not be hungry of love. If he is rat even, he cannot fish you, if you are not hungry.
And strangers can become friends. Or enemies, possible too:)
But you never know without seeing closer
The part that stands out now for me is the next time I hear "I love you" from a man, because of the abuse I suffered from the ex-rat I don't see love the same.
Although I should not think that person will be like the ex-rat was, I am at the point where I healed but I have put walls up still.
I just don't want to get as hurt as I was ever again!
Not sure how to let someone else in my life again!
I have a right to be happy and I deserve it!
The ex-rat should have no control over the rest of my life, as I don't have any over his and neither do I care if he has anyone to be honest!
And another thing is that the ex-rat is out of my life, but the residual effects linger around.
If I do find true love, I hope this true love will not be swayed by lying and deceptive messages from the ex-rat, hard to cover all bases even though I have blocked him entirely from my life!
I will have to be living under a rock and out of view of social media with a new love.
Anybody have any ideas how to handle that?
 
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Sabrina

Major Ratslayer
Last time we took a rental car. Small and nothing special.

Do you know what was the first thing that was said?

Why are you renting such a little old car? Do you have no money for something better?

Most of them want to show off when they are in Tunisia. They want to show what a good life they have (even if it is not really a good life).

I know someone who works very hard here. For years only work and sleep. He shares a small apartment with 4 other people and only eats the bare essentials. All the money goes to Tunisia to build a house where he will never live.

The main thing is that the family in Tunisia is admired.
So materialistic???????
 

Sabrina

Major Ratslayer
The part that stands out now for me is the next time I hear "I love you" from a man, because of the abuse I suffered from the ex-rat I don't see love the same.
Although I should not think that person will be like the ex-rat was, I am at the point where I healed but I have put walls up still.
I just don't want to get as hurt as I was ever again!
Not sure how to let someone else in my life again!
I have a right to be happy and I deserve it!
The ex-rat should have no control over the rest of my life, as I don't have any over his and neither do I care if he has anyone to be honest!
And another thing is that the ex-rat is out of my life, but the residual effects linger around.
If I do find true love, I hope this true love will not be swayed by lying and deceptive messages from the ex-rat, hard to cover all bases even though I have blocked him entirely from my life!
I will have to be living under a rock and out of view of social media with a new love.
Anybody have any ideas how to handle that?
Hopefully you find someone in your own country! With the rats they are hunting! A true man is not gonna say I love you after a week of talking to someone!! Be with someone you can talk to, trust go out on weekends with, able to spend time with thru the week not just on holidays. Social media can be so deceptive!! A man that buys you even little things not hints around for money from you
 

yougogirl75

Major Ratslayer
Oh yes, only here in my own country. Of course you are right, this is what feels comfortable being friends and the words " I love you" would be expected later with a true man. Rats give "I love yous" like it was just a thing to say like Hello, no meaning in it or actions to be honest.
healthy boundaries will be drawn, and of course I deserve those little things.
I know what a healthy relationship is now, and with a true man who has good intentions
the rat was full of bad intentions.
 
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