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Marriage from Hell

WisedonatLast

Well-Known Member
This is my first posting, not sure if Ive done it right - I am still married to a Tunisian but he is back in Tunisia now because he mentally and physically abused me bruising my arms and stomach on many occasions because I had an opinion on many things one being controlled - has this happened to anyone else?
 

WisedonatLast

Well-Known Member
Hi @WisedonatLast ,welcome

I am so sorry for your ordeal, that must have been a nightmare for you. So glad that he is back in Tunisia now where he belongs.
I hope that you are able to get some support from family or friends to help you through all of this. We are also here of course. Sending hugs
Thank you so much. Yes I cancelled his UK visa. My father never approved from the beginning which was a nightmare in itself but I havent told my parents about any of this, have no brothers or sisters, I dont feel I can and my 2 best friends disowned me when I married him so havent really got anyone who understands to talk to about it. I was thinking about going to a councillor !!
 

Storm

Major Ratslayer
Thank you so much. Yes I cancelled his UK visa. My father never approved from the beginning which was a nightmare in itself but I havent told my parents about any of this, have no brothers or sisters, I dont feel I can and my 2 best friends disowned me when I married him so havent really got anyone who understands to talk to about it. I was thinking about going to a councillor !!

I think that going to a councillor may be a good idea as it will be helpful for dealing with the abuse you endured.
Very sad that you are unable to turn to family and friends. I know that in situations with men like them, they have a way of dividing families and friends.
 

JGG

Major Ratslayer
This is my first posting, not sure if Ive done it right - I am still married to a Tunisian but he is back in Tunisia now because he mentally and physically abused me bruising my arms and stomach on many occasions because I had an opinion on many things one being controlled - has this happened to anyone else?
Welcome to the forum. Im so sorry to read your post....my heart goes out to you.....there are many good people here who can help you make sense of what you have gone through and what you are still going through. Always here to listen and support you. ♡♡
 

JGG

Major Ratslayer
Thank you so much. Yes I cancelled his UK visa. My father never approved from the beginning which was a nightmare in itself but I havent told my parents about any of this, have no brothers or sisters, I dont feel I can and my 2 best friends disowned me when I married him so havent really got anyone who understands to talk to about it. I was thinking about going to a councillor !!
........we understand you.....we get it.....many of us have been exactly where you are. I am happy that you are being proactive and seeking help. Yes...counseling may help you realize thst none of this is your fault. Stay strong....one day at a time!
 

JGG

Major Ratslayer
Thank you, I just cant seem to get on with my life anymore, I feel really depressed and my stomach churns all the time.
I have been exactly where you are....lost, confused and broken hearted. You have taken the most important step....you have gotten him out of your life. Its time to focus on you and to start healing. Giving yourself time is very important....you will have good and very bad days but slowly those bad days get fewer and further between and you realize you are truly on the road to recovery. Hold your head up and be proud of yourself...because we are so very proud of you for having the strength to reach out for help. ♡
 

Peacock

Major Ratslayer
Hello and welcome
So sorry that you have been through such a violent and destructive relationship. I am pleased that you had the strength to end it. Now you can start the long, slow healing process and you have done the right thing coming here for support. A lot of people on here have had similar experiences and can understand exactly how you are feeling.
Is it possible for you to admit to your parents what you have suffered? You might get some support from them after all the I told you so's. Counselling could certainly be of benefit to you as well.
Stay on here though and chat to people who will be very supportive. Be proud of yourself for getting rid of him. Stay strong xx
 

SouthernGirl

Major Ratslayer
My heart breaks for you @WisedonatLast What he does to you is not acceptable and a woman should not be abused physically and emotionally for expressing her opinion. Your words resonated with me because I remember my Mom saying that often, when my brothers and I were growing up, she would choose to shut up to maintain peace at home and protect us, meaning not being slapped around again. To this day, I have no tolerance for violent coward men who beat women and I still carry anger for people who abuse others in any way. No one, NO ONE has the right to raise their hand on you. There is no excuse. I hope you will get out of this situation as quick as you can. It takes courage but you can do it. You already made big steps. Kuddos to you for canceling his visa. He can’t get away with what he’s been doing.
Stay here. You’ll get encouragement, advice and support. Hugs.
 

Butterflies

Major Ratslayer
My heart breaks for you @WisedonatLast What he does to you is not acceptable and a woman should not be abused physically and emotionally for expressing her opinion. Your words resonated with me because I remember my Mom saying that often, when my brothers and I were growing up, she would choose to shut up to maintain peace at home and protect us, meaning not being slapped around again. To this day, I have no tolerance for violent coward men who beat women and I still carry anger for people who abuse others in any way. No one, NO ONE has the right to raise their hand on you. There is no excuse. I hope you will get out of this situation as quick as you can. It takes courage but you can do it. You already made big steps. Kuddos to you for canceling his visa. He can’t get away with what he’s been doing.
Stay here. You’ll get encouragement, advice and support. Hugs.
When you lived it you have zero tolerance to such men. Any man who does that is a coward. I hope she gets away from him it is sad to read it
 

SouthernGirl

Major Ratslayer
When you lived it you have zero tolerance to such men. Any man who does that is a coward. I hope she gets away from him it is sad to read it
Exactly. I remember a post you wrote a couple of weeks ago when you talked about your childhood. I could relate word by word to what you said and I meant to respond but didn’t. When you witnessed and experienced it firsthand, you never fully forget it and not only you keep a few scars inside but you get pissed each time you hear about abuse. I’m glad that @WisedonatLast came here to unload what she’s been keeping inside. A few years ago, before Internet, women didn’t have a lot of places to turn to. They didn’t even talk to counselors as there were not that many and it was considered a taboo topic anyway. There was not support out there like there is now. I hope she has a good network for support with friends and family and a place to go.
 

Butterflies

Major Ratslayer
Exactly. I remember a post you wrote a couple of weeks ago when you talked about your childhood. I could relate word by word to what you said and I meant to respond but didn’t. When you witnessed and experienced it firsthand, you never fully forget it and not only keep a few scars inside but you get pissed each time you hear about abuse. I’m glad that WiseddonatLast came here to unload what she’s been keeping inside. A few years ago, before Internet, women didn’t have a lot of places to turn. It was a taboo topic and there was not much support out there like there is now. I hope she has a good network for support with friends and family and a place to go.
Exactly when it happened in my childhood the police took him away but the next day he just came back home and my mother was to scared to leave him as he threatened to kill us (the children) . When you read about abuse it opens a closed door in your head and it all comes back. I can't stand these men you recognize these men from afar. Yes I hope she has a safe place where she can talk about it and find strenght to go on with life and be happy again
 

Storm

Major Ratslayer
Exactly when it happened in my childhood the police took him away but the next day he just came back home and my mother was to scared to leave him as he threatened to kill us (the children) . When you read about abuse it opens a closed door in your head and it all comes back. I can't stand these men you recognize these men from afar. Yes I hope she has a safe place where she can talk about it and find strenght to go on with life and be happy again

What a horrible ordeal for you or anyone to go through.
I can't imagine. Seeing how these men treat women in similar circumstances will trigger certain things for sure.
I'm sorry that happened to you and your family and I am glad that you have the strength to carry you forward and now you are able to help others who have been and are going through the same thing. You are remarkable.
 

Beverley

Major Ratslayer
Hi I'm really sorry you are going through all this and suffering over a man that did all those horrible things to you.... joining this site will be the best move you could have made, and although you are struggling to deal with things at the moment and cant see any light, it will happen, you will get incredible support from this group to help you get over this.... I know you say you don't feel like you can talk to your parents, but maybe they wont act or respond in the way you think...they will just want to protect you from this hurt... big hug XX
 

Butterflies

Major Ratslayer
What a horrible ordeal for you or anyone to go through.
I can't imagine. Seeing how these men treat women in similar circumstances will trigger certain things for sure.
I'm sorry that happened to you and your family and I am glad that you have the strength to carry you forward and now you are able to help others who have been and are going through the same thing. You are remarkable.
Thanks Storm it does make it difficult sometimes to read it all what women are going through it makes you aware certain thing in the behavior from women when you see them interact with their man. I hope you know what I mean? But I am fine now really it only makes you want to help wherever you can. And the most important thing is that she has somebody who she can trust and share her story
 

SouthernGirl

Major Ratslayer
Exactly when it happened in my childhood the police took him away but the next day he just came back home and my mother was to scared to leave him as he threatened to kill us (the children) . When you read about abuse it opens a closed door in your head and it all comes back. I can't stand these men you recognize these men from afar. Yes I hope she has a safe place where she can talk about it and find strenght to go on with life and be happy again
I remember you mentioned the threats your father made to you and your siblings and your mom. How these men can be so heartless, I’ll never understand. My dad never threatened to kill us, but he actually got really close to killing my mom and she had to be hospitalized. My big brother and I were older and didn’t live at home anymore, and our teenage brother was not home that night so no one was there to protect her. This coward took advantage of being alone with her to assault her. But I digress, this thread is not about me. It’s just that the experience of this nice lady triggered these thoughts. I’ll just say that we should never shame or judge women who “let” themselves getting abused or manipulated which is abuse too. We are not in their shoes and we don’t know their situation and what they carry inside. That’s why I applaud and respect WiseddonatLast for having the courage to come here and talk about her ordeal. It can’t be easy because victims feel shame even though they were the ones who were hurt.
 
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Peacock

Major Ratslayer
My heart breaks for you @WisedonatLast What he does to you is not acceptable and a woman should not be abused physically and emotionally for expressing her opinion. Your words resonated with me because I remember my Mom saying that often, when my brothers and I were growing up, she would choose to shut up to maintain peace at home and protect us, meaning not being slapped around again. To this day, I have no tolerance for violent coward men who beat women and I still carry anger for people who abuse others in any way. No one, NO ONE has the right to raise their hand on you. There is no excuse. I hope you will get out of this situation as quick as you can. It takes courage but you can do it. You already made big steps. Kuddos to you for canceling his visa. He can’t get away with what he’s been doing.
Stay here. You’ll get encouragement, advice and support. Hugs.
I can relate to how you feel SG. Whenever I come across domestic violence it fires me up. I also experienced it in childhood and as an adult and it makes me angry as well. I despise violent men, they cause so much damage and the mental harm they do never really goes away. I wish every woman could escape the violence and fear.
Well done to anybody who gets rid of a violent partner!
 

Peacock

Major Ratslayer
I remember you mentioned the threats your father made to you and your siblings and your mom. How these men can be so heartless, I’ll never understand. My dad never threatened to kill us, but he actually got really close to killing my mom and she had to be hospitalized. My big brother and I were older and didn’t live at home anymore, and our teenage brother was not home that night so no one was there to protect her. This coward took advantage of being alone with her to assault her. But I digress, this thread is not about me. It’s just that the experience of this nice lady triggered these thoughts. I’ll just say that we should never shame or judge women who “let” themselves getting abused or manipulated which is abuse too. We are not in their shoes and we don’t know their situation and what they carry inside. That’s why I applaud and respect WiseddonatLast for having the courage to come here and talk about her ordeal. It can’t be easy because victims feel shame even though they were the ones who were hurt.
I think this post has triggered thoughts for a few of us! I don't think I have ever really spoken about that side of my earlier life. Eventually though it all makes us stronger people that make the right choices in life.
WisedonatLast is doing the right thing coming on here and talking about her horrible experience. It takes a strong person to come here and ask for help.
 

SouthernGirl

Major Ratslayer
can relate to how you feel SG. Whenever I come across domestic violence it fires me up. I also experienced it in childhood and as an adult and it makes me angry as well. I despise violent men, they cause so much damage and the mental harm they do never really goes away. I wish every woman could escape the violence and fear.
Well done to anybody who gets rid of a violent partner!
Peacock, “Firing us up” is the perfect term to describe what happens in our heads when we hear the story of a woman being abused. While we don’t think of our childhood experiences all the time, it does ignite something in us when we think of abuse being done to women. I remember that you don’t have an experience with a rat like I don’t either but we first came here because a friend was victim of one. I Think our empathy for rat victims may come from our history with an abusive parent, male, who share similar traits to the ones rats have. I realized not that long ago that if I stayed here even though my friend was done with her online rats. , it’s because I recognized that these rats were big abusers. They may not have been all physical and violent to their victims, but they caused as much harm, if not more. I understand now why I’m so enraged and harbor so much disgust at rats despite the fact I never had one. Any kind of abusers, I put them all in the same basket. There are sociopaths who are entitled and who have no empathy for the ones they hurt. Like you said, I wish every woman stuck in an abusive relationship, with a rat or a non rat, will get out. It’s not easy because they are all sweet talkers and manipulative and can be charming and they know how to make themselves be forgiven and they promise it won’t happen again, but then it always does. Stay strong and keep fighting, WisedonatLast. You’ve got this. He’ll be the loser at end.
 
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Sabrina

Major Ratslayer
This is my first posting, not sure if Ive done it right - I am still married to a Tunisian but he is back in Tunisia now because he mentally and physically abused me bruising my arms and stomach on many occasions because I had an opinion on many things one being controlled - has this happened to anyone else?
It happened to an American woman that her bf lives in Tunisia she went to visit came back bruised but she went back 6 months later I heard he did the same so...... oh and the mental abuse is always for her HE IS AWFUL once it happens I don’t think it will stop regardless what country the guy is from but especially these guys
 

Peacock

Major Ratslayer
Peacock, “Firing us up” is the perfect term to describe what happens in our heads when we hear the story of a woman being abused. While you don’t think of our childhood experience all the time, it does ignite something in us when we think of abuse being done to women. I remember that you don’t have an experience with a rat like I don’t either but we first came here because a friend was victim of one. I realized not long ago that if I stayed here even though my friend was done with him, it’s because I saw that these rats are big abusers even though not all of them have physically abused their victims. I understood why I was so enraged at rats even though I never had one. I just harbor serious anger against men, not all men, only the ones who use, abuse, destroy lives with no mercy. Any kind of abusers, I put them all in the same basket. There are sociopaths who are entitled and who have no empathy for the ones they hurt.
Southern Girl
You have explained so well the reason we are both still here wanting to help people. I hadn't actually analysed why I am still here but what you say really does make sense. I hate the way rats abuse and destroy innocent people.
 

Sabrina

Major Ratslayer
Peacock, “Firing us up” is the perfect term to describe what happens in our heads when we hear the story of a woman being abused. While you don’t think of our childhood experience all the time, it does ignite something in us when we think of abuse being done to women. I remember that you don’t have an experience with a rat like I don’t either but we first came here because a friend was victim of one. I realized not long ago that if I stayed here even though my friend was done with him, it’s because I saw that these rats are big abusers even though not all of them have physically abused their victims. I understood why I was so enraged at rats even though I never had one. I just harbor serious anger against men, not all men, only the ones who use, abuse, destroy lives with no mercy. Any kind of abusers, I put them all in the same basket. There are sociopaths who are entitled and who have no empathy for the ones they hurt.
Exactly
 
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