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Opinions please

Annie-May

Rat Expert
I can tell you that from my personal experience, I would not ask him too many questions. because then he wanted to know more about you. unless of course .........but, you can talk about neutral topics, and never talk to yourself about your family. I also asked a lot of questions, and then he said that I know everything about him, but he knows nothing about me. and when I told him everything about myself it was already late, I was completely dependent on him. He lied to me all the time and I listened to his lies, I was happy. He blocked me several times, but money solved this problem and I was happy again.
He has asked me questions before and I've changed the topic to avoid answering, he realised this and said if theres something I dont wish to answer just say as i dont know him very well so understands i may not want to disclose too much and he will respect that. I have done what he said on a few occasions and so far has respected that
 

Butterflies

Major Ratslayer
I've managed to access his account and monitor it for a few day, there is nothing unusual that I can see of, of course I will keep my eyes peeled and look out for signs but right now I really xant find any faults
It's still a ratty thing to do to give you his password I don't know anybody who freely gives away his or hers personal information and certainly not a password to social media. So plse be careful
 

Myriam1

Major Ratslayer
Come on Annie-May, did you really think you were going to find something suspect on the FB page he gave you the password for??? The only goal by giving you this password was to make you trust him and give you a false image of what he's up to.
Also him telling you to say to him when his questions bother you only prooves that he is very well aware and playing a fine strategy of what he is aiming at: make you trust him totally and look totally safe.
 

SouthernGirl

Major Ratslayer
I've managed to access his account and monitor it for a few day, there is nothing unusual that I can see of, of course I will keep my eyes peeled and look out for signs but right now I really xant find any faults
I know you won’t see it that way and I’m sorry but giving a password is not a normal thing to do, period. It’s deceitful. I won’t explain why because it was already done several times. I just hope the best for you and will advice you to be careful and take it easy, Annie May. Don’t trust anyone too easily. These men are good at pretending they are perfect gentlemen at first but they are liars and one can’t take everything they say at face value. In fact, most of what they say is not true but calculated. Watch out.
 
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Annie-May

Rat Expert
So we have still been talking. We have talked a bit about the future, what would happen if things progressed into marriage.He asked me to move and live over there but give him a year or two to finish the family home, that I could visit home whenever I wanted to. He knows right now I dont hit the target to allow him over here and I've made it clear how it wouldnt be easy or quick for me to do so. He talks alot about having children , how I need to look after my health and eat properly. We video called the other day and he asked if I had lost weight, called me skinny and said do you think I'm looking for a skinny wife, I want you in good health for our children. We have talked about his religion, he talks about it alot, showed me a video about it as he knows I'm not religious but worry about things, he said to try look into it maybe I will find peace in the things I worry about. I've looked and watched a few things which I have told him about, he then called me.the following day and said I had to call to tell you I'm not talking with you just to make you change your religion, I accept what you believe or dont believe. I replied that I already know this and am doing it to understand him more, he seemed so worried that i felt he was trying to change me. Just curious as to what your opinions are, if they are still the same , I really still dont have any real doubts about this guy yet, everything seems ok so far
 

Bubbly

Major Ratslayer
I used my smartfone to talk to my rat and closed my fone when we said goodbye at night. But with my tablet he knew nothing of I was constantly logged in to his acount and this is how I found out his tricks as he chatted up other women and asking money at them. You do whatever you feel comfortable with but I know it is a horrible feeling to be doing this. Your priority is to protect yourself so why would he be angry he said you could go there.
That is what should be done to know the truth.
 

Butterflies

Major Ratslayer
So we have still been talking. We have talked a bit about the future, what would happen if things progressed into marriage.He asked me to move and live over there but give him a year or two to finish the family home, that I could visit home whenever I wanted to. He knows right now I dont hit the target to allow him over here and I've made it clear how it wouldnt be easy or quick for me to do so. He talks alot about having children , how I need to look after my health and eat properly. We video called the other day and he asked if I had lost weight, called me skinny and said do you think I'm looking for a skinny wife, I want you in good health for our children. We have talked about his religion, he talks about it alot, showed me a video about it as he knows I'm not religious but worry about things, he said to try look into it maybe I will find peace in the things I worry about. I've looked and watched a few things which I have told him about, he then called me.the following day and said I had to call to tell you I'm not talking with you just to make you change your religion, I accept what you believe or dont believe. I replied that I already know this and am doing it to understand him more, he seemed so worried that i felt he was trying to change me. Just curious as to what your opinions are, if they are still the same , I really still dont have any real doubts about this guy yet, everything seems ok so far
Hi @Annie-May i can't say anything about the religion it's a private choice and yes he should make you feel you don't have to choose but being said that it's difficult in a relationship or marriage as you say he is religious? But there is the contradiction as he claims to be religious why does he search on the internet for a woman who isn't Muslim? As I understand from your texts he doesnt work now he only takes care of the olive trees? So in the future it will not be easy to safe money to build the house you talked about and for him to safe money to pay for the stay in a hotel as it is his responsibility as a tunisian man to pay for it all. There are still red flags and I know you see it differently but the fact he found you on the internet, he being 33, the password : all red flags. Be careful xxx
 

Annie-May

Rat Expert
Hi @Annie-May i can't say anything about the religion it's a private choice and yes he should make you feel you don't have to choose but being said that it's difficult in a relationship or marriage as you say he is religious? But there is the contradiction as he claims to be religious why does he search on the internet for a woman who isn't Muslim? As I understand from your texts he doesnt work now he only takes care of the olive trees? So in the future it will not be easy to safe money to build the house you talked about and for him to safe money to pay for the stay in a hotel as it is his responsibility as a tunisian man to pay for it all. There are still red flags and I know you se it differently but the fact he found you on the internet, he being 33, the password : all red flags. Be careful xxx
Yes he believes in god but he knows he does a few things that go against his religion and he knows that is bad and is trying to change things. Such as quit drinking, he has cut down how much he drinks in recent months and I can tell this from when we talk. He is currently taking care of the olive trees yes, he is also growing a huge amount tomatoes too currently. As for the house, I'm not talking about building one, he was talking about the family home where he lives with his mother and siblings, he said there is a bit of work that still needs doing on it, he said until it was completely finished he wouldnt want me to be there. One a good note, I have not departed with any money still and he still hasnt even mentioned anything of the sort
 

SouthernGirl

Major Ratslayer
that I could visit home whenever I wanted to.
So he’d like you to go live there (most likely a lie) and he tells you that you could visit home whenever you want to. He doesn’t even have a real paying job now. Who would finance all these trips? I don’t believe this guy. He sounds like he does a lot of flattering too. That’s very nice he called you skinny but saying I want you in good health (meaning not overweight) for our children is not all right. That sounds very controlling.
 

Croydon girl

Major Ratslayer
Yes he believes in god but he knows he does a few things that go against his religion and he knows that is bad and is trying to change things. Such as quit drinking, he has cut down how much he drinks in recent months and I can tell this from when we talk. He is currently taking care of the olive trees yes, he is also growing a huge amount tomatoes too currently. As for the house, I'm not talking about building one, he was talking about the family home where he lives with his mother and siblings, he said there is a bit of work that still needs doing on it, he said until it was completely finished he wouldnt want me to be there. One a good note, I have not departed with any money still and he still hasnt even mentioned anything of the sort
I've forgotten, do you live in the UK?
 

Annie-May

Rat Expert
So he’d like you to go live there (most likely a lie) and he tells you that you could visit home whenever you want to. He doesn’t even have a real paying job now. Who would finance all these trips? I don’t believe this guy. He sounds like he does a lot of flattering too. That’s very nice he called you skinny but saying I want you in good health (meaning not overweight) for our children is not all right. That sounds very controlling.
I dont get flattered by nice words and being called skinny, I've had a stressful year like most and its impacted my weight which I dont like. He has said he doesnt if I am skinny or fat, I am how I am meant to be just along as I am healthy. I didnt think of it as being controlling, I've been told that before and never assumed it was controlling so havent assumed that this time
 

SouthernGirl

Major Ratslayer
I dont get flattered by nice words and being called skinny, I've had a stressful year like most and its impacted my weight which I dont like. He has said he doesnt if I am skinny or fat, I am how I am meant to be just along as I am healthy. I didnt think of it as being controlling, I've been told that before and never assumed it was controlling so havent assumed that this time
I know you don’t see it as being controlling just like you don’t see it as fishy and abnormal that he’d give you his password. I’m giving you my opinion and I understand you like him and want to believe he is good and you’ll keep defending him. I can just say don’t be too gullible and be careful. I wish you good luck. Hope he’s good but frankly I don’t believe it because of what he tells you. There are signs.,
 

Annie-May

Rat Expert
I know you don’t see it as being controlling just like you don’t see it as fishy and abnormal that he’d give you his password. I’m giving you my opinion and I understand you like him and want to believe he is good and you’ll keep defending him. I can just say don’t be too gullible and be careful. I wish you good luck. Hope he’s good but frankly I don’t believe it because of what he tells you. There are signs.,
I understand your concerns I really do, I know what goes on and I'm keeping my eyes wide open, I'm not daft or stupid, and yes it could be a possibility I'm blinded by the fact I like him but I know if he isnt genuine I will soon spot that, as long as I remain not sending money (he hasnt asked) then I wont be losing anything, I may only get hurt but Its a risk I will take as I could get hurt in any relationship
 

Annie-May

Rat Expert
If you moved to tunisia, how will you support yourself? You don't speak the language and you won't be able to get a job as all jobs go to tunisians first, and he says you can come home whenever you want to, who is going to pay for all this?
He said he will support me as he would if he was married to a tunisian girl, I've already told him I expect to be treated as you would treat a girl from there. He knows I wouldnt be able to work and I know that too. I need to question him a bit more about if what he earns by what he does is sufficient to live on and if not what will he do about making sure there will be enough money to live on. I live a normal life, I'm not materialistic so I shouldnt be to much of an expense for him! As for the language, I'm trying to learn it, but I'm not revealing that to him, that is staying my secret for a while
 

SouthernGirl

Major Ratslayer
Its a risk I will take as I could get hurt in any relationship
True, there are risks involved in any relationship but if he turns to be a rat, it won’t be like any other relationship. It would hurt more, and in more ways than one. I don’t believe you’re stupid but we can all be naive when we enter a relationship. What I say is with the kind of guy I believe he is, a woman can’t afford to be naive. It doesn’t sound fun and encouraging, but I’d be on my guards with this one, I’m sorry to tell you.
 

Annie-May

Rat Expert
Yes, no sending money. Never. They day he asks for “help” or even hints for it with a sobbing story (a common practice) then you’ll know. No pictures he could use against you later either.
The day that happens is the last day he will ever be able to talk to me again. Regarding pictures he could use against me later, there is no chance of that! I swear I act more muslim than most muslims act, he even said that himself
 

confuseddotcom

Major Ratslayer
He said he will support me as he would if he was married to a tunisian girl, I've already told him I expect to be treated as you would treat a girl from there. He knows I wouldnt be able to work and I know that too. I need to question him a bit more about if what he earns by what he does is sufficient to live on and if not what will he do about making sure there will be enough money to live on. I live a normal life, I'm not materialistic so I shouldnt be to much of an expense for him! As for the language, I'm trying to learn it, but I'm not revealing that to him, that is staying my secret for a while
To be honest they can and do support their foreign wives - it’s not unheard of - but not without great sacrifice from the woman, including conversion (the kids will be Muslim anyway) and bending to the man’s ways (though Tunisians do seem a bit more flexible than other Arabs *cough* Egyptians lol). But I think the ball is in your court and it’s ultimately up to you what you see yourself doing in the future. You need to ask yourself many questions, such as would you be happy to be a stay at home wife, would you be prepared if at some point he wants to try living in the UK and needs your help in doing so? What about finances, do you have your own emergency fund? Would you be able to raise the kids Muslim etc. If the love, trust and general foundation of your relationship is strong enough then all of that comes with ease...
 

Sabrina

Major Ratslayer
Yes, no sending money. Never. They day he asks for “help” or even hints for it with a sobbing story (a common practice) then you’ll know. No pictures he could use against you later either.
Living normal in the uk is one thing Tunisia is a whole different country, I personally could not see myself moving there from USA maybe I just didn’t love him to give everything up, but I saw the way he drained me too
 
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Croydon girl

Major Ratslayer
Living normal in the uk is one thing Tunisia is a whole different country, I personally care yes not see myself moving there from USA maybe I just didn’t love him to give everything up, but I saw the way he drained me
Yes, i agree Sabrina, in the UK and the US, we can do what we like! Imagine living in Tunisia, being told what you can and can't do! By some bloke and his family! I like to work and have my own money, wouldn't want to rely on some geezer to keep me!
 

Sabrina

Major Ratslayer
Yes, i agree Sabrina, in the UK and the US, we can do what we like! Imagine living in Tunisia, being told what you can and can't do! By some bloke and his family! I like to work and have my own money, wouldn't want to rely on some geezer to keep me!
Plus. Everything is so different it was a culture shock for me just visiting so I would definitely suggest she visit first to see if this is really what she would want
 

Annie-May

Rat Expert
To be honest they can and do support their foreign wives - it’s not unheard of - but not without great sacrifice from the woman, including conversion (the kids will be Muslim anyway) and bending to the man’s ways (though Tunisians do seem a bit more flexible than other Arabs *cough* Egyptians lol). But I think the ball is in your court and it’s ultimately up to you what you see yourself doing in the future. You need to ask yourself many questions, such as would you be happy to be a stay at home wife, would you be prepared if at some point he wants to try living in the UK and needs your help in doing so? What about finances, do you have your own emergency fund? Would you be able to raise the kids Muslim etc. If the love, trust and general foundation of your relationship is strong enough then all of that comes with ease...
Yes I know of a fair few relationships between muslim and christians, people from turkey/tunisia etc and people from the uk. Some have failed and some have been such a success. I have thought about everything you have mentioned. A successful relationship is about trust,compromise and understanding and I'm willing to do that, and if he is too and is genuine then there is a chance things can work but still that chance it wouldnt
 
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