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Picking Up the Pieces

Plymouthgirl

Inactive
It’s probably been expressed before, in different ways, but how best to pick up the pieces after being exploited and traumatised by a rat?? I mean, it’s one thing to ‘block and delete’, but quite another to make the huge effort required to get your life back on a normal ’footing’, isn’t it??

Depending on how long your relationship was, obviously this is a bigger mountain to climb for some, than others.............. in my own case, I was unfortunate enough to experience two of them..............

The pain of ‘End-times’ with them can be overwhelming..............It certainly was for me.............The constant mind-games, begging, discarding, insulting, and general mind-torture that can go on is incredible.............

So, any smart tips for ‘the road to recovery’?? It sure is a long and winding road..............
 

Sabrina

Major Ratslayer
It’s probably been expressed before, in different ways, but how best to pick up the pieces after being exploited and traumatised by a rat?? I mean, it’s one thing to ‘block and delete’, but quite another to make the huge effort required to get your life back on a normal ’footing’, isn’t it??

Depending on how long your relationship was, obviously this is a bigger mountain to climb for some, than others.............. in my own case, I was unfortunate enough to experience two of them..............

The pain of ‘End-times’ with them can be overwhelming..............It certainly was for me.............The constant mind-games, begging, discarding, insulting, and general mind-torture that can go on is incredible.............

So, any smart tips for ‘the road to recovery’?? It sure is a long and winding road..............
I was with mine for 2 pretty good yrs the third was so back and forth that it was the beginning of the end for me so many times of getting back together I would lose alittle of the feelings each time but when I saw him talking to the other woman I though NO WAY it opened my eyes big time but went back and forth after that.. so it is hard and mine wasn’t that abusive as some (your) or his brother is to his gf plus I’m sure you had more time invested. It will be hard but keeping busy your mind on something else really helps if I have or had too much time I would relive this time or that time ... pray and stay focused on the relief after, find something you might enjoy walking is great for the mind ! Everyone is here for you! :)
 

Mica

Administrator
Staff member
It’s probably been expressed before, in different ways, but how best to pick up the pieces after being exploited and traumatised by a rat?? I mean, it’s one thing to ‘block and delete’, but quite another to make the huge effort required to get your life back on a normal ’footing’, isn’t it??

Depending on how long your relationship was, obviously this is a bigger mountain to climb for some, than others.............. in my own case, I was unfortunate enough to experience two of them..............

The pain of ‘End-times’ with them can be overwhelming..............It certainly was for me.............The constant mind-games, begging, discarding, insulting, and general mind-torture that can go on is incredible.............

So, any smart tips for ‘the road to recovery’?? It sure is a long and winding road..............

After months of depression, questioning everything with no answers, unable to do anything but think about what happened and why?
I decided one day that I wouldn't give that waste of space one more moment of my precious time :) Yes I'd wasted a lot of money but I'd just have to start again with what I had at that point in time.

Of course it wasn't that easy but that was the start. Everytime I started to think about it all I would remind myself of my decision. In the early days I was constantly reminding myself but the more I did it the less I needed to.

We can't do much about what happened but we dont have to let it rule our future.
 

Bubbly

Major Ratslayer
What used to make you happy before meeting rats? How did you enjoy your life ?
Do the things that will take you back to your better.
Do whatever makes you feel happy and comfortable at your own pace.
Be a selfish b*tch for as long as you need, focus on your needs, pamper yourself, give yourself time.
Your life is about you and only you, these advice are worth for any woman. We should not live for anyone, we are not just daughters, sisters, mothers, wives or girlfriends. Our desires must come first.
 

Butterflies

Major Ratslayer
It's true it takes time to recover from it but each day you are away from him is a step to recocery, a step in to your future. Read books or take long walks in nature or at the seaside, let the wind blow through your hair and blow your troubles away out of your mind. Just do whatever you did before the rat as with them they occupy your whole day and you forget living. Find your own self again xxxx
 

Plymouthgirl

Inactive
It's true it takes time to recover from it but each day you are away from him is a step to recocery, a step in to your future. Read books or take long walks in nature or at the seaside, let the wind blow through your hair and blow your troubles away out of your mind. Just do whatever you did before the rat as with them they occupy your whole day and you forget living. Find your own self again xxxx

Good advice, Butterflies, but sadly, much, much easier said than done................Thank you, though...............
 

Wiser

Major Ratslayer
What used to make you happy before meeting rats? How did you enjoy your life ?
Do the things that will take you back to your better.
Do whatever makes you feel happy and comfortable at your own pace.
Be a selfish b*tch for as long as you need, focus on your needs, pamper yourself, give yourself time.
Your life is about you and only you, these advice are worth for any woman. We should not live for anyone, we are not just daughters, sisters, mothers, wives or girlfriends. Our desires must come first.
I agree 100% our needs as individuals must come first.
Right now I’m dealing with a lot and needing a time out from the forum. Need to detach in order to focus on the things I want back in my life and to give the best I can to my loved ones.
This is the best advice, look first after yourself to be the best version for your loved ones.
People wanting to bring you down will be forever crossing your way, it’s up to us to not give them the power. It’s not easy to overcome an experience with a scammer but it’s achievable. Let’s be in peace, let’s be happy with ourselves. ❤️
@MH007 @Mica can I please be removed from the site? If there’s something else happening please send me an email. Thank you for all the support and keep up fighting against Love scams. ❤️
 

Scottish Lassie

Major Ratslayer
I can totally relate to what you’re going through @Plymouthgirl When things ended with my rat 2.5 years ago I thought it would be easier than it has been. My problem is I am too sentimental and I know the pain will eventually go away and will then become one of life’s lessons. Just as I have kept all the Christmas, birthday, Valentine’s cards and personal letters I have ever received since I was a teenager in the 80s, so I still have the letters and the gifts I received from my rat. I can’t take them out to look at them but I also can’t make myself throw them away. I tend to look at the future and how one day I will look at those letters and gifts one day and will be smiling about how I went through a period of madness where I was totally smitten with a guy young enough to be my son. Right now I still can’t listen to the songs that remind me of him. I’ve read that songs (that remind you of certain people or events) are very strong stimulants of emotions. As I was very close to my grandmother I always cry when I listen to the songs that remind me of her. The same goes for songs that remind me of my dad (and he died in 1994). As I write poetry I started writing poetry to vent my anger, similar to when we are told to write all our angry thoughts and feelings about our ex (rat) in a letter and then burn it. Initially I never thought I would get over my rat. He still haunts me and I dream of him occasionally...but I know that his moving on to “greener pastures” was a blessing in disguise. The brainwashing and mind games were torturous, especially during the discard when he hardly contacted me and would take forever to read my texts, WhatsApp and FB Messenger messages. He put me completely off men and right now I will be happy to never be in another serious relationship. I enjoy my freedom and I’m focussing on the positives in my life...especially children. I work full time so my mind is pretty busy. It’s mainly in the evening and on weekends when my mind would wander. It gets easier with each passing day and I count my blessings and know that he would have eventually destroyed me. You think you will never get over them...but you do. They become one of your “experiences” on life’s journey. Look after yourself and do the things that make you happy. This won’t go on forever. xxx
 

Butterflies

Major Ratslayer
I can totally relate to what you’re going through @Plymouthgirl When things ended with my rat 2.5 years ago I thought it would be easier than it has been. My problem is I am too sentimental and I know the pain will eventually go away and will then become one of life’s lessons. Just as I have kept all the Christmas, birthday, Valentine’s cards and personal letters I have ever received since I was a teenager in the 80s, so I still have the letters and the gifts I received from my rat. I can’t take them out to look at them but I also can’t make myself throw them away. I tend to look at the future and how one day I will look at those letters and gifts one day and will be smiling about how I went through a period of madness where I was totally smitten with a guy young enough to be my son. Right now I still can’t listen to the songs that remind me of him. I’ve read that songs (that remind you of certain people or events) are very strong stimulants of emotions. As I was very close to my grandmother I always cry when I listen to the songs that remind me of her. The same goes for songs that remind me of my dad (and he died in 1994). As I write poetry I started writing poetry to vent my anger, similar to when we are told to write all our angry thoughts and feelings about our ex (rat) in a letter and then burn it. Initially I never thought I would get over my rat. He still haunts me and I dream of him occasionally...but I know that his moving on to “greener pastures” was a blessing in disguise. The brainwashing and mind games were torturous, especially during the discard when he hardly contacted me and would take forever to read my texts, WhatsApp and FB Messenger messages. He put me completely off men and right now I will be happy to never be in another serious relationship. I enjoy my freedom and I’m focussing on the positives in my life...especially children. I work full time so my mind is pretty busy. It’s mainly in the evening and on weekends when my mind would wander. It gets easier with each passing day and I count my blessings and know that he would have eventually destroyed me. You think you will never get over them...but you do. They become one of your “experiences” on life’s journey. Look after yourself and do the things that make you happy. This won’t go on forever. xxx
A sweet and sad post @Scottish Lassie. Eventually this experience will be in the past you will cherish the good memories and that is how it should be. But you will never forget the bad as these are the life lessons each and everyone of us are going through. Sending hugs to you ❤️
 

MH007

Administrator
Staff member
I can totally relate to what you’re going through @Plymouthgirl When things ended with my rat 2.5 years ago I thought it would be easier than it has been. My problem is I am too sentimental and I know the pain will eventually go away and will then become one of life’s lessons. Just as I have kept all the Christmas, birthday, Valentine’s cards and personal letters I have ever received since I was a teenager in the 80s, so I still have the letters and the gifts I received from my rat. I can’t take them out to look at them but I also can’t make myself throw them away. I tend to look at the future and how one day I will look at those letters and gifts one day and will be smiling about how I went through a period of madness where I was totally smitten with a guy young enough to be my son. Right now I still can’t listen to the songs that remind me of him. I’ve read that songs (that remind you of certain people or events) are very strong stimulants of emotions. As I was very close to my grandmother I always cry when I listen to the songs that remind me of her. The same goes for songs that remind me of my dad (and he died in 1994). As I write poetry I started writing poetry to vent my anger, similar to when we are told to write all our angry thoughts and feelings about our ex (rat) in a letter and then burn it. Initially I never thought I would get over my rat. He still haunts me and I dream of him occasionally...but I know that his moving on to “greener pastures” was a blessing in disguise. The brainwashing and mind games were torturous, especially during the discard when he hardly contacted me and would take forever to read my texts, WhatsApp and FB Messenger messages. He put me completely off men and right now I will be happy to never be in another serious relationship. I enjoy my freedom and I’m focussing on the positives in my life...especially children. I work full time so my mind is pretty busy. It’s mainly in the evening and on weekends when my mind would wander. It gets easier with each passing day and I count my blessings and know that he would have eventually destroyed me. You think you will never get over them...but you do. They become one of your “experiences” on life’s journey. Look after yourself and do the things that make you happy. This won’t go on forever. xxx
What a moving and heartfelt post - I often wish I had kept all the letters and cards as I love to look through old photos so would have loved to still have them.

Your words will help many members going through this.

MH x
 

Jane

Major Ratslayer
Good advice, Butterflies, but sadly, much, much easier said than done................Thank you, though...............
This is useful advise from a relationship addiction expert ( he compares this withdrawal as the same as drugs or alcohol withdrawal with similar painful side effects :


“Recovery from any addiction, including a relationship addiction, is hard but worthwhile work. You can do this through perseverance, hope, self-discovery, and grace. The best way to accomplish any long-term goal is to do it one step and one day at a time. Don’t scare yourself by thinking beyond today. Live each day as it comes and take the next indicated step on your journey to healthy living.“
 

Plymouthgirl

Inactive
I know it’s so much easier said then done it takes time , and each individual is different as their own experiences to conquer our demons ! Hang in there it WILL HAPPEN

Thing is though, they’re not ‘our Demons’............It is THEY who are the DEMONS!!!! That is the root and cause of ALL the problems that sadly ensue from knowing them.............They are quite often narcissistic psychopaths................
 

Sabrina

Major Ratslayer
Thing is though, they’re not ‘our Demons’............It is THEY who are the DEMONS!!!! That is the root and cause of ALL the problems that sadly ensue from knowing them.............They are quite often narcissistic psychopaths................
This is exactly what they are ! Unfortunate that they treat women the way they do, because they truly are the demons and I know you know but it will become clearer and clearer each day this is all they are! What a miserable way to live.. speaking about them!
 

Scottish Lassie

Major Ratslayer
What a moving and heartfelt post - I often wish I had kept all the letters and cards as I love to look through old photos so would have loved to still have them.

Your words will help many members going through this.

MH x

Thanks MH for your heartfelt words. We’re all going through this together and at least we understand the emotions that come with being entangled with a love rat. If these words help even just one person it will be worth it. xx
 

Scottish Lassie

Major Ratslayer
A sweet and sad post @Scottish Lassie. Eventually this experience will be in the past you will cherish the good memories and that is how it should be. But you will never forget the bad as these are the life lessons each and everyone of us are going through. Sending hugs to you ❤️

Thanks very much @Butterflies. It helps having a support group and it certainly speeds up the healing process. I find good memories in all my sad/bad life stories. It helps stop me from becoming an angry, depressive person who thinks the world owes her something. Life it too short and we don’t get to play “life’s tape” again once it ends. Time wasted on bad feelings is no good for our health and these love rats aren’t worth our tears of unhappiness as we grow older. They are a small dark cloud in an otherwise sunny blue sky. They should have no real impact. It is up to us though to make it so. Sending big hugs across the miles. ❤️xx
 

Butterflies

Major Ratslayer
Thanks very much @Butterflies. It helps having a support group and it certainly speeds up the healing process. I find good memories in all my sad/bad life stories. It helps stop me from becoming an angry, depressive person who thinks the world owes her something. Life it too short and we don’t get to play “life’s tape” again once it ends. Time wasted on bad feelings is no good for our health and these love rats aren’t worth our tears of unhappiness as we grow older. They are a small dark cloud in an otherwise sunny blue sky. They should have no real impact. It is up to us though to make it so. Sending big hugs across the miles. ❤️xx
Can't remember but I thought it was you who writes poetry? Maybe this experience can be a source of lovely heartwarming or otherwise poems to help other women to deal with life every day. Xxx
 

Scottish Lassie

Major Ratslayer
Yes @Butterflies, I do enjoy writing poetry. I recently started up a new page on Instagram devoted solely to my poetry. I’ve been using Canva to make my posts look more professional but I’m still learning how to keep my poems short. Some of them are up to 4 foolscap pages long...a bit long for an Instagram post. Perhaps I’ll write one about love rats and post a thread on here. You’ve given me an idea. Watch this space lovely lady. Xxx
 

Butterflies

Major Ratslayer
Yes @Butterflies, I do enjoy writing poetry. I recently started up a new page on Instagram devoted solely to my poetry. I’ve been using Canva to make my posts look more professional but I’m still learning how to keep my poems short. Some of them are up to 4 foolscap pages long...a bit long for an Instagram post. Perhaps I’ll write one about love rats and post a thread on here. You’ve given me an idea. Watch this space lovely lady. Xxx
Go for it girl you can do it I am sure of it xxx
 

Sabrina

Major Ratslayer
Thanks very much @Butterflies. It helps having a support group and it certainly speeds up the healing process. I find good memories in all my sad/bad life stories. It helps stop me from becoming an angry, depressive person who thinks the world owes her something. Life it too short and we don’t get to play “life’s tape” again once it ends. Time wasted on bad feelings is no good for our health and these love rats aren’t worth our tears of unhappiness as we grow older. They are a small dark cloud in an otherwise sunny blue sky. They should have no real impact. It is up to us though to make it so. Sending big hugs across the miles. ❤️xx
So true I’m at the point “what did I even see in him.. he started relationship out trying to blackmail me “of course someone hacked into his phone” lmao now... blocked the idiot oh he sent private messages for months guess I was intrigued (gag) but now It’s history! Oh yeah finally told my best friend about him yesterday... she and her sister thought I had been involved with him! She would’ve been like my mom... YOU’RE GOING WHERE OH NO YOUR NOT!!!!!! That movie with Sally Fields not without my daughter comes to her mind with countries like Tunisia.. anyway time passes they pass like a bad dream
 

MH007

Administrator
Staff member
Yes @Butterflies, I do enjoy writing poetry. I recently started up a new page on Instagram devoted solely to my poetry. I’ve been using Canva to make my posts look more professional but I’m still learning how to keep my poems short. Some of them are up to 4 foolscap pages long...a bit long for an Instagram post. Perhaps I’ll write one about love rats and post a thread on here. You’ve given me an idea. Watch this space lovely lady. Xxx
That would be a lovely thing to do ❤️

MH x
 

MH007

Administrator
Staff member
Yes @Butterflies, I do enjoy writing poetry. I recently started up a new page on Instagram devoted solely to my poetry. I’ve been using Canva to make my posts look more professional but I’m still learning how to keep my poems short. Some of them are up to 4 foolscap pages long...a bit long for an Instagram post. Perhaps I’ll write one about love rats and post a thread on here. You’ve given me an idea. Watch this space lovely lady. Xxx
Hi @Scottish Lassie

How are you doing, are you coping with the continued lockdown, are you okay?

Hugs

MH x
 
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