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Rat or not?

Georgia

Well-Known Member
Hi , I’m new to this forum and would very much appreciate your advice on my situation.
Sorry for the long story. Hope this is the right place to post it.

A few years ago I met a Tunisian guy in a college chat room when I was bored and we had fun talking. We just stayed friends for about 4 years, never talked about more than that or indicated anything more than friendship. We lost contact for about a year due to busy lives and recently we started talking again. This time our contact became more and more romantic. He says I am the girl of his dreams and that he loves me. Calls me his princess and is basically perfect (I know, alert alert for the red flags). He does complain sometimes about his situation there (bad salary, not many jobs available and he wants to own a business). I am a bit wary because of all the stories I read on this forum, but he says he doesn’t want to be a couple now because we never met in person (I absolutely agree). I will visit him in a few months - I made all arrangements myself and he didn’t try making them for me, although he told me “you can contact him and him and can stay at Hotel X if you like. My friend works there so you’ll be safe.” I didn’t follow that advice and he never said a word about it after I made arrangements.

His background: master’s degree, fairly good job for a Tunisian (economic affairs, so not in tourism or work with tourists), has visited Europe and traveled as a tourist here, and holds the citizenship of a (wealthy) European country through his father. He is a self-declared atheist (in secret though...). He’s never asked anything from me in material terms, but he does want to move to Europe. He’s asked my help for information because he doesn’t know how to begin moving here. I understand this. He does not need a visa from me because he already has a EU-country passport. He wants to try living in my country (also EU) to see how things work out between us. He wants to learn my language.
I like him a lot, but I wonder: do you see anything I might have missed due to my love induced view on him? Am I being ratted, any signs I missed?

I am 27 and he’s 28.

thank you so much
 
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Gamora

Major Ratslayer
Hi , I’m new to this forum and would very much appreciate your advice on my situation.
Sorry for the long story. Hope this is the right place to post it.

A few years ago I met a Tunisian guy in a college chat room when I was bored and we had fun talking. We just stayed friends for about 4 years, never talked about more than that or indicated anything more than friendship. We lost contact for about a year due to busy lives and recently we started talking again. This time our contact became more and more romantic. He says I am the girl of his dreams and that he loves me. Calls me his princess and is basically perfect (I know, alert alert for the red flags). He does complain sometimes about his situation there (bad salary, not many jobs available and he wants to own a business). I am a bit wary because of all the stories I read on this forum, but he says he doesn’t want to be a couple now because we never met in person (I absolutely agree). I will visit him in a few months - I made all arrangements myself and he didn’t try making them for me, although he told me “you can contact him and him and can stay at Hotel X if you like. My friend works there so you’ll be safe.” I didn’t follow that advice and he never said a word about it after I made arrangements.

His background: master’s degree, fairly good job for a Tunisian (economic affairs, so not in tourism or work with tourists), has visited Europe and traveled as a tourist here, and holds the citizenship of a (wealthy) European country through his father. He is a self-declared atheist (in secret though...). He’s never asked anything from me in material terms, but he does want to move to Europe. He’s asked my help for information because he doesn’t know how to begin moving here. I understand this. He does not need a visa from me because he already has a EU-country passport. He wants to try living in my country (also EU) to see how things work out between us. He wants to learn my language.
I like him a lot, but I wonder: do you see anything I might have missed due to my love induced view on him? Am I being ratted, any signs I missed?

I am 27 and he’s 28.

thank you so much

Hello @Georgia!! Welcome to the forum.

I won't call your friend a rat just yet, but a few red flags I think you need to look at before catching hard feelings for him.

1. The fact that he tells you he loves you so early on in the relationship is telling. He has already started to lovebomb you. Be careful with that.

2. The fact that he does not want to be a couple now, but says he loves you is manipulation to try and get you to think otherwise. Why tell you he loves you but does not want to commit. That is a red flag for sure. He purposely wants you to think he is different.

3. If he already has a EU passport, then he should not need your help to move there. He should be familiar with the process. That is suspicious. Can you elaborate a bit more on how he has a EU passport, but needs help moving there?? With a EU passport, this means he has already established some form of residency. They just don't hand those out. Something is amiss here. Hmmm. :confused: This one is interesting. He can literally hop on a flight tomorrow to said country he has the passport in with no problems. Perhaps we need more info on this.

I would be very cautious of him for now. If he truly loves you, then challenge him to make his way to your country on his own, without the help from you. You should not have any ties to him at all in terms of helping him migrate to your country. A good Tunisian man does this on his own, even if it takes years. They do it the right way, they do not phish for victims for help.

While I won't call him a rat just YET, I would encourage you to be cautious and keep reading stories here. There are plenty of educated rats (mine was highly educated and smart), but their goal is a visa. They leave their victim once in country and visa secured.

Perhaps the other women can help with anything I miss.

We are happy you are here :)
 
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Georgia

Well-Known Member
Hello @Georgia!! Welcome to the forum.

I won't call your friend a rat just yet, but a few red flags I think you need to look at before catching hard feelings for him.

1. The fact that he tells you he loves you so early on in the relationship is telling. He has already started to lovebomb you. Be careful with that.

2. The fact that he does not want to be a couple now, but says he loves you is manipulation to try and get you to think otherwise. Why tell you he loves you but does not want to commit. That is a red flag for sure. He purposely wants you to think he is different.

3. If he already has a EU passport, then he should not need your help to move there. He should be familiar with the process. That is suspicious. Can you elaborate a bit more on how he has a EU passport, but needs help moving there?? With a EU passport, this means he has already established some form of residency. They just don't hand those out. Something is amiss here. Hmmm. :confused: This one is interesting. He can literally hop on a flight tomorrow to said country he has the passport in with no problems. Perhaps we need more info on this.

I would be very cautious of him for now. If he truly loves you, then challenge him to make his way to your country on his own, without the help from you. You should not have any ties to him at all in terms of helping him migrate to your country. A good Tunisian man does this on his own, even if it takes years. They do it the right way, they do not phish for victims for help.

While I won't call him a rat just YET, I would encourage you to be cautious and keep reading stories here. There are plenty of educated rats (mine was highly educated and smart), but their goal is a visa. They leave their victim once in country and visa secured.

Perhaps the other women can help with anything I miss.

We are happy you are here :)

thank you so much!!! Great help :)
 
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Gamora

Major Ratslayer
thank you so much!!! Great help :)

You're welcome. Just be careful. Read as much as you can and pay attention.

The biggest hurdle is that they can mimic exactly what you love and like. My rat did this. You have to be 10 steps ahead of them.

There are a few women married to Tunisian men, of course.......but if I were you, I would make him do what a man does, pave his own way. If he wants you, then he needs to work for it. Get his own visa, own money, own apartment/home, etc.

Let us know if you need any help.
 

Gamora

Major Ratslayer
thank you so much!!! Great help :)

about the passport: he says his father basically always lived in Tunisia and the family that lives in the EU-country apparently did something that created a social gap in the family (dont know what happened). He does not want to ask them for help. He says he needs to know how to find a job in my country and how job interviews work here.

This is very suspicious. They have no bearings on his passport and his dad cannot take it away.

If it expired, then it was up to him to renew it as the expiration date approached. Even if his dad does not help him, with him having a EU passport, he can basically fly in and out of Europe as he pleases.

There are plenty of job sites he can access to find a job with how educated he seems to be and he has a passport.

Something is wrong here. Be careful.
 

Georgia

Well-Known Member
You're welcome. Just be careful. Read as much as you can and pay attention.

The biggest hurdle is that they can mimic exactly what you love and like. My rat did this. You have to be 10 steps ahead of them.

There are a few women married to Tunisian men, of course.......but if I were you, I would make him do what a man does, pave his own way. If he wants you, then he needs to work for it. Get his own visa, own money, own apartment/home, etc.

Let us know if you need any help.

thank you For all your answers :)
 

Georgia

Well-Known Member
Hi Georgia, if he has a EU passport is there a reason why he isn’t making the trip to meet you for the first time? Also are you planning on travelling to Tunisia alone?

hi, thank you so much for your answer :)

He has no free days until a while from now and I really need a holiday from here. Anyway that is a good thing you pointed out, thanks. Ill ask about it
Yes, I plan to go alone. Is there a reason you asked?
 

Butterflies

Major Ratslayer
Hi Georgia welcome, he has a good job yet he complains about the bad situation he is living in. Did he contact you after the years you had no contact? When he has free acces to europ surely there are family living there and they can help him to all the papers or info he need to move there? On the European website is all the info he needs to move to the country of his choice. Keep your eyes open and don't trust to easily as they are masters in deceiving women certainly online. Read around on the forum and I would ask more questions at him about the visa he has.
 

ButterflyBee

Major Ratslayer
hi, thank you so much for your answer :)

He has no free days until a while from now and I really need a holiday from here. Anyway that is a good thing you pointed out, thanks. Ill ask about it
Yes, I plan to go alone. Is there a reason you asked?
Sure, any woman travelling alone to a foreign place always worries me! Just be sure you have booked airport transfers from a legit source before hand and have extra funds for emergencies etc and you’re right to choose your own hotel. If you haven’t already it’d be worth reading up on the Tunisian cultural norms so you know what to expect and be wary of. Also, if he doesn’t have any free days how does he plan on spending time with you?
 

Georgia

Well-Known Member
Thanks, you are so kind :)

I have airport transfers from taxi booking.com. I suppose they work with legit companies. yes, the cultural norms I really have to read into. I have to admit the way the man and women interact with each other is so so different from anything I know. That is a danger for me.

when I’m there, his new period for free days start... it Sounds a little strange though
 

MH007

Administrator
Staff member
Sure, any woman travelling alone to a foreign place always worries me! Just be sure you have booked airport transfers from a legit source before hand and have extra funds for emergencies etc and you’re right to choose your own hotel. If you haven’t already it’d be worth reading up on the Tunisian cultural norms so you know what to expect and be wary of. Also, if he doesn’t have any free days how does he plan on spending time with you?
Also hide your passport, keep a spare credit card hidden. Don't go to any apartments with him - stay in public places, let your family know where you are at all times.

Please check in on TLR to let us know you are safe.

This does all sound fishy and I can't really add to what the other members have said apart from be safe, be vigilant, keep your eyes open and your purse closed.

MH x
 

Butterflies

Major Ratslayer
Thanks, you are so kind :)

I have airport transfers from taxi booking.com. I suppose they work with legit companies. yes, the cultural norms I really have to read into. I have to admit the way the man and women interact with each other is so so different from anything I know. That is a danger for me.

when I’m there, his new period for free days start... it Sounds a little strange though
Just be careful plse. I would be very causious to meet a man you never met in real life in a strange country. After all it is a Muslim country. What does he mean his new period of free time starts?
 

Gamora

Major Ratslayer
Thanks, you are so kind :)

I have airport transfers from taxi booking.com. I suppose they work with legit companies. yes, the cultural norms I really have to read into. I have to admit the way the man and women interact with each other is so so different from anything I know. That is a danger for me.

when I’m there, his new period for free days start... it Sounds a little strange though

I am sure you already know this, but want to add....be sure to get travel insurance.

Also, if he stays in the room with you, know that it is illegal in Tunisia for an unmarried man and woman to sleep together. While it is rarely enforced, I would encourage you not to chance it. Make him go home at the end of the night. Besides it is against his cultural practices to sleep or be in the room with an unmarried woman. That is a sign he does not respect you. My rat admitted this much after I called him out on it.

Make him do things the right way, do not give in to his advances.

Safe travels and keep us posted.
 

Peacock

Major Ratslayer
Welcome Georgia
You have been given some excellent advice, pleased take notice of everything that has been said to you. Have a good look round this site to familiarise yourself with what to watch out for. Do not fall for any hard luck stories that involve you sending money to pay for food, rent, medical problems etc etc. Make it clear that you will not finance him. To me there are red flags so just be very cautious and question him thoroughly.
 

Lass

Major Ratslayer
Hi @Georgia this whole story is extremely sketchy, it just doesn't add up at all. They have that proverb in Tunisia "tongue has no bones" and very often it scares me how accurate it is. Rats will tell you anything you want to hear. He is love bombing you. He has a masters degree, has a decent job and is fairly well travelled but is unable to find out how to apply for a job in Europe. His decent job in economy sector brings him low income which he feels the urge to tell you about. He wants to move to Europe although he also wants to open up his own business (in Tunisia I presume?). He visited Europe on several occasions but there's no one else to give him the guidance on moving over, except you of course, his perfect princess he's never met in person. He has European country passport but would prefer for you to travel on your own to Arab country to meet him. He is an atheist but keeps it a secret. He has family in Europe but is estranged from them. He doesn't work in tourism industry but have a friend that works in a hotel that can make sure that you are safe there :whistle:
It's been a while since I heard such a dodgy story. I sincerely hope that he is a lovely boy with good intentions and I do apologise if I come across as a little bit sarcastic but in my head none of it makes sense.
 

Bubbly

Major Ratslayer
I think this one will take years to figure out. He seems quite smart and not obvious so far. I would advise you to visit him and get to know him. Also test in during situation of crisis, analyse his reactions while you guys are together, but this will take time. As the girls said, be cautious when going there but you seem very sensible so you know what you have to do. Now it’s time to start your investigation mission, good luck !
 

Georgia

Well-Known Member
Hi , I’m new to this forum and would very much appreciate your advice on my situation.
Sorry for the long story. Hope this is the right place to post it.

A few years ago I met a Tunisian guy in a college chat room when I was bored and we had fun talking. We just stayed friends for about 4 years, never talked about more than that or indicated anything more than friendship. We lost contact for about a year due to busy lives and recently we started talking again. This time our contact became more and more romantic. He says I am the girl of his dreams and that he loves me. Calls me his princess and is basically perfect (I know, alert alert for the red flags). He does complain sometimes about his situation there (bad salary, not many jobs available and he wants to own a business). I am a bit wary because of all the stories I read on this forum, but he says he doesn’t want to be a couple now because we never met in person (I absolutely agree). I will visit him in a few months - I made all arrangements myself and he didn’t try making them for me, although he told me “you can contact him and him and can stay at Hotel X if you like. My friend works there so you’ll be safe.” I didn’t follow that advice and he never said a word about it after I made arrangements.

His background: master’s degree, fairly good job for a Tunisian (economic affairs, so not in tourism or work with tourists), has visited Europe and traveled as a tourist here, and holds the citizenship of a (wealthy) European country through his father. He is a self-declared atheist (in secret though...). He’s never asked anything from me in material terms, but he does want to move to Europe. He’s asked my help for information because he doesn’t know how to begin moving here. I understand this. He does not need a visa from me because he already has a EU-country passport. He wants to try living in my country (also EU) to see how things work out between us. He wants to learn my language.
I like him a lot, but I wonder: do you see anything I might have missed due to my love induced view on him? Am I being ratted, any signs I missed?

I am 27 and he’s 28.

thank you so much

hi all! Thank you fabulous women so much for your stories and support❤️ You really helped me and probably many other readers who come across this.
Have a wonderful day!
 

Georgia

Well-Known Member
I think this one will take years to figure out. He seems quite smart and not obvious so far. I would advise you to visit him and get to know him. Also test in during situation of crisis, analyse his reactions while you guys are together, but this will take time. As the girls said, be cautious when going there but you seem very sensible so you know what you have to do. Now it’s time to start your investigation mission, good luck !

thank you!! He is indeed very smart and hard to pinpoint at times
 

Bubbly

Major Ratslayer
thank you!! He is indeed very smart and hard to pinpoint at times
Mine was also and I spent a year being glued to him checking each of his moves.
One day they do eventually screw up but it requires patience, headache and heartache. Keep in mind you are the smarter one, they may know everything about immigration laws but we know everything about their tricks. Stay in control.
 
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