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Someone please help me! I need advice

Sabrina

Major Ratslayer
I have told one friend about him and that I plan to meet him, she obviously told me she thinks the whole thing is strange and doesn't understand why I don't want somebody here! I told him I had told my friend and i told him how she feels about it, I started to become distant from him and he was upset because since speaking with my friend about him I changed, he asked me not to discuss our relationship anymore with my friends, it puts me in an awkward position because I feel I have no one to talk to about it, my friend thinks it's odd so I don't want to say too much to her. I know that it is weird and the age gap is weird.
He has been in a long serious relationship before and he was engaged, I managed to find his ex fiancee on Facebook and she is now married to someone else. I have asked him why he isn't married and he said he has found it difficult since his last relationship ended. I don't know the details of why it ended but it seemed to be something he doesn't want to talk about, which I find a bit odd. I know he is 100% single because his facebook and his Instagram have all his friends and work friends on and they are tagged in his posts, so they would obviously find it odd if it says single when he is married, his social media accounts our obviously genuine. I have no concerns with him being single or not because he definitely is single, the biggest thing is why it ended with his fiancee!? he has spoke about having children a few times and I think he worries he may never have them, he said his father asks when he will marry and have his own children,
I think his feelings for me are genuine I notice he gets jealous and a little angry at certain things like pictures I post on Instagram, he likes to know what friends I'm out with and i think he does this to make sure I'm not on a date with somone. Maybe he does want a European life because he speaks english so well and sees me as the perfect opportunity but he definitely does have feelings for me. Maybe when I can start having proper nights out in the bars and nightclubs again I will be distracted and eventually I'll find this whole thing odd! The boredom of lockdown hasn't helped with this.
He does not want you to talk to anyone because you may learn the truth! He wants to isolate you so you are dependent on him! Tell him you have a father this whole thing is very odd and yes we all just knew our rats had genuine feelings for us until we realized it was all BS yeah maybe his visa didn’t go thru on his other engagement now he’s trying with a younger lady because well she doesn’t know the difference uhhhhh this guy is just an old rat face it!!
 
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Sabrina

Major Ratslayer
You really need to read this again, you're being groomed by an older man. He's a total creep playing with you. Has he booked and paid for rooms in Turkey? I doubt it , have you seen proof? All hotels you reserve the rooms and pay at the hotel .
She saw the proof he provided I think but they will all do this proof my butt probably some document in Arabic “oh believe me baby” :mad:
 

SouthernGirl

Major Ratslayer
he asked me not to discuss our relationship anymore with my friends,
Not good. Not good at all, Jasmine.

What about discussing it with your parents? I bet he doesn’t want that either. He knows how your parents would react about a guy, let alone of his age, who wants to meet their daughter in a faraway country and hasn’t asked for their permission. And they’d be right. Think of it, a honest man with good intentions would want to talk to your parents first and want their blessing about the relationship.
If he was a good man, he’d want everything to be in the open and he wouldn’t risk upsetting your family. It wouldn’t be a good start. Your parents will be upset that a strange man you met online asked you to meet him in a hotel for vacation in secret. He doesn’t respect them. Says a lot about his character.

I believe that he will pay for the rooms and that he has feelings for you -what’s not to like?- but it doesn’t mean that he’s a good person and that he’ll treat you right. I believe too that he could be single (and that he’s desperate) He must have been rejected more than one time before, online and in real life because let’s face it, he’s not exactly a catch and the women he talked to must have seen the shadiness. He has shady written all over the place. It’s not hard to detect.

You say he’s not a perv. Well, he sure comes across as a creep. Remember this stuff in your first posts, wanting to protect you like a daughter, brushing your hair etc.. it reminds me of someone viewing women as pets.. Yuck..
He pretends to be shy about sex. A 36 year old man, yeah right, give me a break.
Talking about age, when you told him you were 19 and not 25, a good guy would have thought twice about continuing the relationship. He would’ve been uncomfortable about the lie and your age. A mature guy would have judged you a bit too young and not mature enough for his like but no, he must have liked it you were so young. (Nothing wrong with you by the way. You are the age you are and it’s normal. What’s not normal is he’s chasing you at 36) Easier to feed lies and control a young person who doesn’t have much life experience yet. Are you even certain he’s 36 and not more? He lied to you already about his age (pathetic) so who knows.. well, even if he is, he’s much too old to have this kind of behavior.

If you talked to the ex-fiancée, she’d tell you some good information and possibly she’d advice you to run for the hills. But would you believe her? You’re already very attached to him and you idealize him. He’d say that she’s angry he left her, that her words are out of jealousy, that it’s all lies. And of course that’s she’s crazy (their exes are always crazy) He’d get angry too that you talked to her as he has obviously a temper, as every rat does.

About going out in bars and clubs.. that’d make him mad too. Remember that’s the guy who doesn’t want you to wear bikinis. You’d think it’s cute he’s jealous. After all, it’s because he doesn’t want other guys to look at you because he’s so much in love. No, it’s not cute. It’s signs of a controlling man who doesn’t respect women and who doesn’t consider them as equals to men. A bit of jealousy out of worrying of losing the person is normal in a long-distance relationship but not that kind of jealousy. Tell him and you’ll see his reaction.

Jasmine, I’m sorry to tell you but that’s not a good man. There are multiple signs that show it. All the sweet words and the caring is easy to do. This kind of men are good actors. This one is sly and like a snake. You’re in love with a man that you do t really know and who is not who he pretends to be. I would even say he’s the type that could be dangerous and abusive physically.

Tell your parents about him. Trust their judgments. Don’t think it’s love. If you really want to proceed going there, go with someone else if you can. You probably don’t want to (and he surely doesn’t want that either) but at least, let someone know where you’ll stay. Chance is he won’t hurt you this time, not that early in the relationship (he’ll be on the contrary all lovey-dovey) but still you need to tell a friend or relative where you are.
 
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Dangerous Beans

Rat Expert
Thank you, it is pre-order only at the moment but I will keep an eye out when it is released here.

MH x

Figured, I used a proxy but it's so good it's well worth going to a movie theater when they open back up.


Getting jealous and angry is a means of controlling you. Imagine how much more jealous and angry he will become after you have met and slept together!! Why accept jealousy and anger from someone you haven't even met? He is on his best behaviour now as he is wanting you to fall madly in love with him. If anger and jealousy are showing now in the early stages that is a huge warning. You can do better in life than that!!

Of course he doesn't want you to talk to friends about him, he doesn't want them telling you what is wrong with the relationship. He will try to take up all your time and will want to isolate you from your friends. If you are unable to talk to your parents about him then you know he is unsuitable for you.

Hopefully when you can start to go out more and live a more normal life you will be able to distance yourself from him.

Enjoy your teen years, you only live them once!!!! Don't waste them on him.

Well said, right now everyone's vulnerable for attention like that but please listen to the voice in your head warning you because his silence on the breakup struck you as odd, you're right to be suspicious.
 

confuseddotcom

Major Ratslayer
Not good. Not good at all, Jasmine.

What about discussing it with your parents? I bet he doesn’t want that either. He knows how your parents would react about a guy, let alone of his age, who wants to meet their daughter in a faraway country and hasn’t asked for their permission. And they’d be right. Think of it, a honest man with good intentions would want to talk to your parents first and want their blessing about the relationship.
If he was a good man, he’d want everything to be in the open and he wouldn’t risk upsetting your family. It wouldn’t be a good start. Your parents will be upset that a strange man you met online asked you to meet him in a hotel for vacation in secret. He doesn’t respect them. Says a lot about his character.

I believe that he will pay for the rooms and that he has feelings for you -what’s not to like?- but it doesn’t mean that he’s a good person and that he’ll treat you right. I believe too that he could be single (and that he’s desperate) He must have been rejected more than one time before, online and in real life because let’s face it, he’s not exactly a catch and the women he talked to must have seen the shadiness. He has shady written all over the place. It’s not hard to detect.

You say he’s not a perv. Well, he sure comes across as a creep. Remember this stuff in your first posts, wanting to protect you like a daughter, brushing your hair etc.. it reminds me of someone viewing women as pets.. Yuck..
He pretends to be shy about sex. A 36 year old man, yeah right, give me a break.
Talking about age, when you told him you were 19 and not 25, a good guy would have thought twice about continuing the relationship. He would’ve been uncomfortable about the lie and your age. A mature guy would have judged you a bit too young and not mature enough for his like but no, he must have liked it you were so young. (Nothing wrong with you by the way. You are the age you are and it’s normal. What’s not normal is he’s chasing you at 36) Easier to feed lies and control a young person who doesn’t have much life experience yet. Are you even certain he’s 36 and not more? He lied to you already about his age (pathetic) so who knows.. well, even if he is, he’s much too old to have this kind of behavior.

If you talked to the ex-fiancée, she’d tell you some good information and possibly she’d advice you to run for the hills. But would you believe her? You’re already very attached to him and you idealize him. He’d say that she’s angry he left her, that her words are out of jealousy, that it’s all lies. And of course that’s she’s crazy (their exes are always crazy) He’d get angry too that you talked to her as he has obviously a temper, as every rat does.

About going out in bars and clubs.. that’d make him mad too. Remember that’s the guy who doesn’t want you to wear bikinis. You’d think it’s cute he’s jealous. After all, it’s because he doesn’t want other guys to look at you because he’s so much in love. No, it’s not cute. It’s signs of a controlling man who doesn’t respect women and who doesn’t consider them as equals to men. A bit of jealousy out of worrying of losing the person is normal in a long-distance relationship but not that kind of jealousy. Tell him and you’ll see his reaction.

Jasmine, I’m sorry to tell you but that’s not a good man. There are multiple signs that show it. All the sweet words and the caring is easy to do. This kind of men are good actors. This one is sly and like a snake. You’re in love with a man that you do t really know and who is not who he pretends to be. I would even say he’s the type that could be dangerous and abusive physically.

Tell your parents about him. Trust their judgments. Don’t think it’s love. If you really want to proceed going there, go with someone else if you can. You probably don’t want to (and he surely doesn’t want that either) but at least, let someone know where you’ll stay. Chance is he won’t hurt you this time, not that early in the relationship (he’ll be on the contrary all lovey-dovey) but still you need to tell a friend or relative where you are.
Exactly, jealousy is all well and good until it turns physical :(

I would avoid dating until at least 21, unless you meet “the one”. Explore what life has to offer first, get a sense of who you are. What you want at 19 is probably not what you’ll be wanting in five years time. @Jasmine08 you will look back and grimace lol. I know it’s hard at the moment with the pandemic and all, and I also know what it’s like to be curious but as they say curiosity killed the cat.
 

Sabrina

Major Ratslayer
Not good. Not good at all, Jasmine.

What about discussing it with your parents? I bet he doesn’t want that either. He knows how your parents would react about a guy, let alone of his age, who wants to meet their daughter in a faraway country and hasn’t asked for their permission. And they’d be right. Think of it, a honest man with good intentions would want to talk to your parents first and want their blessing about the relationship.
If he was a good man, he’d want everything to be in the open and he wouldn’t risk upsetting your family. It wouldn’t be a good start. Your parents will be upset that a strange man you met online asked you to meet him in a hotel for vacation in secret. He doesn’t respect them. Says a lot about his character.

I believe that he will pay for the rooms and that he has feelings for you -what’s not to like?- but it doesn’t mean that he’s a good person and that he’ll treat you right. I believe too that he could be single (and that he’s desperate) He must have been rejected more than one time before, online and in real life because let’s face it, he’s not exactly a catch and the women he talked to must have seen the shadiness. He has shady written all over the place. It’s not hard to detect.

You say he’s not a perv. Well, he sure comes across as a creep. Remember this stuff in your first posts, wanting to protect you like a daughter, brushing your hair etc.. it reminds me of someone viewing women as pets.. Yuck..
He pretends to be shy about sex. A 36 year old man, yeah right, give me a break.
Talking about age, when you told him you were 19 and not 25, a good guy would have thought twice about continuing the relationship. He would’ve been uncomfortable about the lie and your age. A mature guy would have judged you a bit too young and not mature enough for his like but no, he must have liked it you were so young. (Nothing wrong with you by the way. You are the age you are and it’s normal. What’s not normal is he’s chasing you at 36) Easier to feed lies and control a young person who doesn’t have much life experience yet. Are you even certain he’s 36 and not more? He lied to you already about his age (pathetic) so who knows.. well, even if he is, he’s much too old to have this kind of behavior.

If you talked to the ex-fiancée, she’d tell you some good information and possibly she’d advice you to run for the hills. But would you believe her? You’re already very attached to him and you idealize him. He’d say that she’s angry he left her, that her words are out of jealousy, that it’s all lies. And of course that’s she’s crazy (their exes are always crazy) He’d get angry too that you talked to her as he has obviously a temper, as every rat does.

About going out in bars and clubs.. that’d make him mad too. Remember that’s the guy who doesn’t want you to wear bikinis. You’d think it’s cute he’s jealous. After all, it’s because he doesn’t want other guys to look at you because he’s so much in love. No, it’s not cute. It’s signs of a controlling man who doesn’t respect women and who doesn’t consider them as equals to men. A bit of jealousy out of worrying of losing the person is normal in a long-distance relationship but not that kind of jealousy. Tell him and you’ll see his reaction.

Jasmine, I’m sorry to tell you but that’s not a good man. There are multiple signs that show it. All the sweet words and the caring is easy to do. This kind of men are good actors. This one is sly and like a snake. You’re in love with a man that you do t really know and who is not who he pretends to be. I would even say he’s the type that could be dangerous and abusive physically.

Tell your parents about him. Trust their judgments. Don’t think it’s love. If you really want to proceed going there, go with someone else if you can. You probably don’t want to (and he surely doesn’t want that either) but at least, let someone know where you’ll stay. Chance is he won’t hurt you this time, not that early in the relationship (he’ll be on the contrary all lovey-dovey) but still you need to tell a friend or relative where you are.
Good talk all true!!
 

yougogirl75

Major Ratslayer
I know I have moved on but thought I should contribute a few ideas to this forum
Better to be on your own turf and date, things go way too wrong far from home especially in Tunisia
Did anybody ever think that maybe this rat might be a married Tunisian rat?
Does anybody ever really know for sure if any of the rats had a nefarious past I mean beside what we already know?
I am sure the rats could pay police off and wipe their criminal record, and its unknown and scary not to know everything we should know!
Unless we can count on a reliable source to tell us for sure in Tunisia, hard to find!
We only believe what they tell us at first and have nothing to go by but just messages, pics and videos and their profiles, the fake profiles too.
Lots of married Tunisian rats scouring the globe for prey, I mean a perfect example would be just like my ex-rat
pulling off a scam on the other women while in a sham with me.
These booger rats keep marrying women and recycling victims, heck one could be married in England and another in Tunisia, heck may have 3 wives on the go at the same time, we may never know what is the real truth.
Just my advice RUN for the Hills seriously!
 
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tipme

Major Ratslayer
I do sometimes feel sad that I feel like this, I seen a picture of him on the beach and I felt sad I was not there with him close to him, I know that the men here are good but they aren't as appealing as him because he has been the fantasy for 7 months, it's not easy for me to reach him so I long for him more than any man, I have come to love how protective he is, I love that he wants to know where I am throughout the day, our conversations have become a routine around our work and social life, we talk every morning and night and when I get back late from seeing friends he is happy to see I'm home and safe and will call to say goodnight, I actually think I've fallen in love with him, I imagine I'd feel so safe around him, he is not a pervert. We have however discussed what our future will be like, our plan is to first meet on holiday in turkey, the 2nd and 3rd time we meet will be in Tunisia if we feel the connection Is strong then our 4th meeting he wants me to move in with him. I don't consider myself to be in a formal relationship with him at the moment because I am also talking to other men who live local to me and I have been on dates but I.h always just want him and the thought of him going on dates with women makes my stomach turn. I have never told him about my dating life because i know this would upset him and I hate the thought of it upsetting him. But I've never met him so I can't exactly say he's my boyfriend but I do feel I love him like a boyfriend already.
Love your not seeing the picture .he f ones u when u get into work when u come home protective I thought all that. Too.no th is is control a nd if u have any male friends at first on I don't mind .later on your friends.you will be called a dirty woman whore bi tch he wants u to b to just on your own .and u will not even no that it is happening.cos your so loved up one by one if frieds
 

yougogirl75

Major Ratslayer
@Jasmine08 You are too good for this rat, he has some weird vibes based on what he has said to you.
wow, so exciting and romantic to hear from someone who makes your days seem how interested he is and the list goes on.
That's the hook and bait this rat has going on.
Why feel guilty, you are young and deserve to go on dates and have fun and you have not met this rat yet to say it is 100% love.
But why go all the way there and spend money just to see him, ask him if he would be willing to make the sacrifice for you that you are willing to make for him?
It's too much hassle for someone who really you don't know or think you know.
The rat's way of thinking is a warped mentality, it is the opposite of a normal person's mentality.
I mean I don't know how else to convince you that you will be the only one in this relationship sacrificing.
How do you know for sure he has others? The reality may shock you!!
Just saying it out of concern but ultimately you are free to do as you want!
 

yougogirl75

Major Ratslayer
As much as the advice given on here may not be what you want to hear but is necessary to hear us out.
There is no sugar coating it or making it seem less than it is, this will and can affect your life
you may be plan c for this Tunisian, and he will be your only plan, funny how they treated us like an option and we made them a priority
You are going by your feelings, that's where the rats monopolize on the victims.
Logic must also be used as well, just saying from experience.
 

Starlight

Major Ratslayer
Hi Jasmine,
Why on earth would he ask you not to discuss your relationship with your friends as it's the most normal thing on earth for you to do???

As he doesn't want to talk about why his past relationship ended I would be like a rat up a drainpipe exploring that in far more detail with him if it were me.

You have not even met him and he speaks about having children when he is almost old enought to be your father.

You say you enjoy bars and nightclubs as is perfectly normal particularly at 19 and in a western culture, I'm not sure he would happily drop you off at any bar or nightclub if you were together as he most probably wouldn't allow you to go if you were actually together.

You have your whole life ahead of you, don't wreck it on a controlling older man, and as for celebrating his birthday , according to my rat , rats don't celebrate !
Yes they do celebrate there birthdays because its a way off recieving money from you to spend on there friends!!!
But if u ask where ur birthday gift is wow watch the anger start and excuses snd they call u selfish !!!!
Please warning bells Red flags tunisisn rats are drama queen's good actors full off bullshit !!!!
Beware the tunisian rats are ruthless are there pursuit odd money material things and money nothing else!!! Love is never really there from there hearts to you its fake
Love is there for your money gifts visits and the latest phone !!!!!
 
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needhelp

Well-Known Member
Hello, I haven't been on here for a little while, I just wanted to give you an update, I've been talking everyday with the Tunisian since November it's almost 7 months now I am 19 he is 36, he lied about his age at first and told me he was 28 even though he doesn't look 28! he looks older! Anyway he has booked two rooms in a hotel in Turkey for the start of June but now my country has said Travel to Turkey is forbidden because of the pandemic, he has already paid for these rooms I have seen the booking confirmation, we have planned to rearrange for the end of June but we really wanted to be together for his Birthday at the start of June, is anyone else in a similar position? I'm worried with all thats going on it's going to be a long time before I meet him face to face, I am losing patience, I have been on dates with men here and find myself thinking about the tunisian and wanting to return home to call him, I work for a cosmetic company so i am now back at work on the counter which helps keep me distracted from him, during lock down I was always eager for his messages, when I'm out with friends I think of him and look forward to returning home to chat with him, I'm fed up of waiting to meet him. I sometimes consider ending this communication with him so I don't feel like this but truth is I dream of meeting him everyday and I find myself dreaming what life would be like with him there. I'm Just feeling a little sad and trapped here, if it wasn't for coronavirus I would be meeting him and I'd be able to see it this is real or not.
Hi Jasmine,
please remember how disgusted you were when he sent you the pedo vibe texts about the daddy daughter thing.. and how annoyed you've been when he wanted to forbid you drinking your beer and going out with friends. Would you accept this behaviour from men in your area?
What would you say to a guy in UK, who you meet for a date and the first thing he does is demand you give him your phone, don't look at anyone anymore from
now on and he reaches you a cloth to get rid of your make up while he orders you an orange juice and tips your beer in the sink. Would that be ok for you?

Also ask yourself, if you had a daughter, would you want her to go and meet a man alone in a country far away?
Would you feel she'll be ok and safe with him? And that he'd be good for her and her future?

If you play the whole meeting scenario through in your mind, which options are there? I would think the following three:

1. He is really in love with you, but has a real problem with jealousy, and if you want to be with him,
you have to say forever goodbye to being yourself, as that's what he has already painted as a picture in his texts to you.
No more going out, no more drinking, no more male friends, no more going anywhere without him, no more make up, meeting others only if he allows it.
Possibly being locked up in an appartement alone all day until he comes back.
Is that what you want as a 19 year old girl?
He showed in his texts that his idea of a relationship has nothing to do with being westernised. He is traditional, and not in a good way.

2. Option, he is a rat and wants you for his own benefits. He'll be at his best behaviour, trying to make you still more attached to him
and then eventually he'll manage that you either prematurely get married to him or worse, get pregnant by him,
which means he's got the free ticket to get to the UK as his child lives there!
At that point he can drop you anytime and you will have forever a nasty old tunisian attached to you, who might threaten to take your child away
(or takes it away during a holiday) and you spend the rest of your life trying to retrieve it and to get rid of him.
This will occupy most of your time, which you could have used to do nice things for yourself.

3. Option, women trafficking is a real thing. I wondered when he listed places like Serbia, why he actually went there? I know, the official version is a festival. But these places Serbia, Albania, Bulgaria are places which have to do with trafficking. What if you are just prey? Young, beautiful, easy to manipulate.
I mean seriously, do you think if he had a daughter he would let her travel alone with 19 to a strange country to see a guy? 100% surely noo way!
So why would he ask you to do this, especially because he apparently wants to protect you? Why does he endanger you?
And if you do this trip secretly, that shows him your parents don't have control over you and he can basically let you disappear
without them realising it quickly enough to help you.
This happens every day all over the world.
You might risk that you are going to be kidnapped and sold to some disgusting people and there are only horrible things that they might do to you.
Do you want to risk that?

I know you think he is wonderful, loving and you have this picture of him in your head how he is and why you feel so much for him.
But he could have basically told you anything about himself and it might all be made up.
Yes, you might think, that's why I want to go and meet him. But what if only one meeting is enough to bring you into big trouble?
Also, would you if you were about to scam someone into loving you, show your true face, or be on guard and show yourself the way the person wants to see you?

Sending virtual hugs.
 

Tigerpants

Major Ratslayer
Perverted Englishmen? Because of course, he’s not a perv’...
This is very manipulative that he talks about men who’d get you drunk and have sex with you. It’s probably his M.O. with women and he thinks that all men operate that way. Also why does he assume you’d let someone get you drunk? I see it as insulting a woman’s intelligence, which of course men like him think we have none. How funny that once their shallow little pride is hurt, they say the pettiest things and show who they truly are, or to repeat an expression in English I’ve learned reading on this site: the mask falls off.

Note: Beside the point but I’ll say it anyway : Englishmen are hot. (From a Frenchgirl who loved rock music all her life and whose favorite bands and stars are all from the UK. Oh yes!) Does this little human rodent think that he and his rat friends are better and smarter? Can’t even compete. Not a chance!
Just for you @SouthernGirl - Happy Sunday!
 
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