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Someone please help me! I need advice

Bubbly

Major Ratslayer
I can't believe I've got myself into a situation like this, I feel so stupid I have feelings for someone very never met before, hes been to turkey, serbia, Morocco. Hes never asked me for money, or mentioned difficulties with money, when we have spoke about holidays he is willing to book things himself
Very interesting ! What did he travel to Serbia for... ? It is definitely not a tourist dreamland... Ask him and let’s see what lies he is going to tell you.
 

SouthernGirl

Major Ratslayer
I am also a liberal muslim, I enjoy drinking in moderation with my friends and wearing western clothes,
I've seen what jealous relationships are like my mother and father are perfect example.
My father is Egyptian and my mother is English but I see how much he adores her and he's never betrayed her, I think maybe what attracts me so much to the Tunisian is he has some qualities my father has. These qualities I haven't found in men here, the Tunisian never asks me for naked pics or talks dirty to me, hes nothing but respectful in that sense x
Don’t get fooled because he didn’t ask for intimate pictures. You’re a Muslim woman and he knows better. Don’t believe either he has the same good qualities that your Dad has. He knows how to act and what to say so he’ll gain your trust, admire him and will do he wants in the future. It’s all part of grooming you.

A good Muslim man would never ask a Muslim woman, or any woman, to go meet him in a foreign country, far away from her family members.
He takes selfies of himself all day because as a typical rat, he’s a narcissist. He sends them to you not because he sees you as his woman and therefore he wants to share every moment of his line with you. He does it to pretend he cares about you and also it feeds his ego when you compliment his looks. Rats think they’re so hot.
I don’t know your Dad but this man is nothing like him. He is no Muslim and doesn’t live the Muslim lifestyle and respects nothing. Men like him make a mockery of the religion. I believe your Dad would sense that quick.

The fact he asks why you didn’t reply to his message when you were out is unacceptable. The world doesn’t revolve around him and you’re busy with your life. Who asks this kind of question? Who does he think he is to think you should stop what you’re doing, drop everything and reply his messages within seconds. Women should be controlled and at their disposal. He showed you proudly his “luxuries”. I see it as another sign. He’s fake, superficial and sleazy. Don’t let him use you.
 
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confuseddotcom

Major Ratslayer
Thank you for taking the time to reply, what you said is true, I don't want to have the pressure of worrying about taking pictures when I'm out and about. He does the same, he sends videos of himself and pics through out the day and seems to think I need to send one back when I don't have the time to be messing around with my phone !
I won’t lie I had an ex that did the same, asked for live pics and sent them too and actually it did instil a sense of trust in me. But in the end I found nudes that girls had been sending to his Snapchat lol swings and roundabouts. They don’t trust themselves and they can also compartmentalise. I get why anyone might feel insecure especially if they’ve been cheated on in the past but this isn’t the right way to go about it, trust should be blind... if you say you’re at the park, then you’re at the park period, full stop. What is he FBI...
 

MH007

Administrator
Staff member
@Jasmine08

I have to say that this rat not only doesn’t respect you he certainly doesn’t respect your father. I presume he knows your father is from Egypt and is Muslim?

If he dared to proposition a Tunisian woman with going on holiday and sharing a room then her Father, brothers and uncles would have beaten his scummy arse into next week!

How do you think your Father would feel, this could destroy your family no matter how relaxed they are.

MH x
 

Bubbly

Major Ratslayer
If he dared to proposition a Tunisian woman with going on holiday and sharing a room then her Father, brothers and uncles would have beaten his scummy arse into next week!

How do you think your Father would feel, this could destroy your family no matter how relaxed they are.

MH x
Totally true and very sensible.
Rats are full of contradictions and here is a big one amongst many others.
Even if he were not a rat, he is a bloody hypocrite and there is a special place in hell for people like that !
 

tutusandfrogs

Major Ratslayer
I completely understand that you are confused. You are falling in love. It's difficult to know he is genuine with you and you want to meet and see if this could be a genuine relationship. But.... Aren't you scared? He seems genuine but the fact you keep it a secret from your friends and family should tell you something? A gut feeling they wouldn't accept it you meet him there without knowing him? Take a few steps back a while and see what he does? Say you need time to let it all sink in as you feel overwhelmed . Don't rush into this to quick let your feelings calm down a little. If he is genuine he will give you time but remember he can play the good guy without any signs he is a rat. I am not saying he is but plse be careful and consider telling a trusted girlfriend about him and see what she thinks about it all . We are here for you xxx

I am also a liberal muslim, I enjoy drinking in moderation with my friends and wearing western clothes,
I've seen what jealous relationships are like my mother and father are perfect example.
My father is Egyptian and my mother is English but I see how much he adores her and he's never betrayed her, I think maybe what attracts me so much to the Tunisian is he has some qualities my father has. These qualities I haven't found in men here, the Tunisian never asks me for naked pics or talks dirty to me, hes nothing but respectful in that sense x
Yes, I understand as my husband is very attentive, adoring and gentle.
 

Jasmine08

Junior Rat Expert
Don’t get fooled because he didn’t ask for intimate pictures. You’re a Muslim woman and he knows better. Don’t believe either he has the same good qualities that your Dad has. He knows how to act and what to say so he’ll gain your trust, admire him and will do he wants in the future. It’s all part of grooming you.

A good Muslim man would never ask a Muslim woman, or any woman, to go meet him in a foreign country, far away from her family members.
He takes selfies of himself all day because as a typical rat, he’s a narcissist. He sends them to you not because he sees you as his woman and therefore he wants to share every moment of his line with you. He does it to pretend he cares about you and also it feeds his ego when you compliment his looks. Rats think they’re so hot.
I don’t know your Dad but this man is nothing like him. He is no Muslim and doesn’t live the Muslim lifestyle and respects nothing. Men like him make a mockery of the religion. I believe your Dad would sense that quick.

The fact he asks why you didn’t reply to his message when you were out is unacceptable. The world doesn’t revolve around him and you’re busy with your life. Who asks this kind of question? Who does he think he is to think you should stop what you’re doing, drop everything and reply his messages within seconds. Women should be controlled and at their disposal. He showed you proudly his “luxuries”. I see it as another sign. He’s fake, superficial and sleazy. Don’t let him use you.

@Jasmine08

How are you doing, are you okay?

MH x
Hello
Thank you for asking how I am, I'll be honest I find it difficult to stop talking to him, I was up till 4am talking to him this morning, we talk about many things, our conversations always flows, I lose track of time. It still fascinats me he never talks about sex when we have got close to the subject he becomes shy, I wonder if maybe he is seeing someone romanticly and thats why? Or he is just respectful which I feel he is.
One thing that alarmed me is he mentioned his employer has paid the staff less than what they should be getting, then he said he had went into his overdraft but he had money saved for emergencies so it wasn't a problem, it made me feel uncomfortable talking about money, he's never asked me for money and if he did I'd end all communication with him as I would be disgusted. After reading things on here it makes me paranoid and question absolutely everything he says, but I am still intrigued by him. How are you?
 

Sabrina

Major Ratslayer
Hello
Thank you for asking how I am, I'll be honest I find it difficult to stop talking to him, I was up till 4am talking to him this morning, we talk about many things, our conversations always flows, I lose track of time. It still fascinats me he never talks about sex when we have got close to the subject he becomes shy, I wonder if maybe he is seeing someone romanticly and thats why? Or he is just respectful which I feel he is.
One thing that alarmed me is he mentioned his employer has paid the staff less than what they should be getting, then he said he had went into his overdraft but he had money saved for emergencies so it wasn't a problem, it made me feel uncomfortable talking about money, he's never asked me for money and if he did I'd end all communication with him as I would be disgusted. After reading things on here it makes me paranoid and question absolutely everything he says, but I am still intrigued by him. How are you?
Just watch out for anything to do with money sounds like a hint to me thats kinda how they work
 

Tigerpants

Major Ratslayer
Hello
Thank you for asking how I am, I'll be honest I find it difficult to stop talking to him, I was up till 4am talking to him this morning, we talk about many things, our conversations always flows, I lose track of time. It still fascinats me he never talks about sex when we have got close to the subject he becomes shy, I wonder if maybe he is seeing someone romanticly and thats why? Or he is just respectful which I feel he is.
One thing that alarmed me is he mentioned his employer has paid the staff less than what they should be getting, then he said he had went into his overdraft but he had money saved for emergencies so it wasn't a problem, it made me feel uncomfortable talking about money, he's never asked me for money and if he did I'd end all communication with him as I would be disgusted. After reading things on here it makes me paranoid and question absolutely everything he says, but I am still intrigued by him. How are you?
Maybe Jasmine, this may be wrong on my part and in no way is meant personally at you ,but what if............he never talks about sex because he is not in it for genuine reasons?

When a guy genuinely 'dig's you there is a sexual tension and they let you know, shy or not, subtly or not.

Maybe talking about sex with him he uses the act of 'shy' to avoid genuine intimate normality as it's not how he REALLY feels?

Money issue being dangled again, little mini test from him as to how you react....

You are right to question everything, you 100% should, be careful
 

Jasmine08

Junior Rat Expert
Maybe Jasmine, this may be wrong on my part and in no way is meant personally at you ,but what if............he never talks about sex because he is not in it for genuine reasons?

When a guy genuinely 'dig's you there is a sexual tension and they let you know, shy or not, subtly or not.

Maybe talking about sex with him he uses the act of 'shy' to avoid genuine intimate normality as it's not how he REALLY feels?

Money issue being dangled again, little mini test from him as to how you react....

You are right to question everything, you 100% should, be careful
Yes exactly,
A part of me just wants him to ask for money so I've got a good reason to block and delete him,
At the moment he's not really done anything wrong. I have feelings for him but let's face it a relationship in two different countries isn't really realistic and with corona travel isn't exactly easy.
The other night I tried to talk less and made little conversation and he asked me why I wasn't talking so much and I felt guilty and mean because he hadn't done anything wrong.
 

Sabrina

Major Ratslayer
Yes exactly,
A part of me just wants him to ask for money so I've got a good reason to block and delete him,
At the moment he's not really done anything wrong. I have feelings for him but let's face it a relationship in two different countries isn't really realistic and with corona travel isn't exactly easy.
The other night I tried to talk less and made little conversation and he asked me why I wasn't talking so much and I felt guilty and mean because he hadn't done anything wrong.
I know it can be difficult but I have talked to a few guys over there (rats) but they were always sexually interested. Maybe the difference in him and them, don’t feel bad you have to protect your heart
 

SouthernGirl

Major Ratslayer
Maybe Jasmine, this may be wrong on my part and in no way is meant personally at you ,but what if............he never talks about sex because he is not in it for genuine reasons?

When a guy genuinely 'dig's you there is a sexual tension and they let you know, shy or not, subtly or not.

Maybe talking about sex with him he uses the act of 'shy' to avoid genuine intimate normality as it's not how he REALLY feels?

Money issue being dangled again, little mini test from him as to how you react....

You are right to question everything, you 100% should, be careful
Yep, I don’t believe either the “too shy to talk about sex” thing. Sounds to me he acts that way to give himself an image, “Mr Pious guy” and he wants to impress you.

And yet another one who has to mention his paycheck issues. How is it that rats always have employers who pay only partially, or not on time, or not at all? Yours told you that it’s ok, he has savings for emergency (what a great responsible guy he must be..) Wait until he tells you that his savings are gone and something broke or a relative is in hospital and he can’t help them. That should come soon..
 

Tigerpants

Major Ratslayer
Yes exactly,
A part of me just wants him to ask for money so I've got a good reason to block and delete him,
At the moment he's not really done anything wrong. I have feelings for him but let's face it a relationship in two different countries isn't really realistic and with corona travel isn't exactly easy.
The other night I tried to talk less and made little conversation and he asked me why I wasn't talking so much and I felt guilty and mean because he hadn't done anything wrong.
Yep, I don’t believe either the “too shy to talk about sex” thing. Sounds to me he acts that way to give himself an image, “Mr Pious guy” and he wants to impress you.

And yet another one who has to mention his paycheck issues. How is it that rats always have employers who pay only partially, or not on time, or not at all? Yours told you that it’s ok, he has savings for emergency (what a great responsible guy he must be..) Wait until he tells you that his savings are gone and something broke or a relative is in hospital and he can’t help them. That should come soon..
I know,

How many stories have we read on rats claiming they are being underpaid , paid late, not paid at all, its not exactly original.He's not shy in revealing his financial status and difficulties is he, and Tunisian rats project wealth and status with labels ( albeit fakes).
So he's shy to reveal his sexual feelings but not his hardships, wow, the reverse of most proud men.
 

MH007

Administrator
Staff member
Hello
Thank you for asking how I am, I'll be honest I find it difficult to stop talking to him, I was up till 4am talking to him this morning, we talk about many things, our conversations always flows, I lose track of time. It still fascinats me he never talks about sex when we have got close to the subject he becomes shy, I wonder if maybe he is seeing someone romanticly and thats why? Or he is just respectful which I feel he is.
One thing that alarmed me is he mentioned his employer has paid the staff less than what they should be getting, then he said he had went into his overdraft but he had money saved for emergencies so it wasn't a problem, it made me feel uncomfortable talking about money, he's never asked me for money and if he did I'd end all communication with him as I would be disgusted. After reading things on here it makes me paranoid and question absolutely everything he says, but I am still intrigued by him. How are you?
Hi Jasmine, I am okay thank you.

It is understandable that you are finding it difficult and this is their biggest hand - they love bomb and take up so much of your time that the thought of losing that can be really hard and that is when your problems will really start!

He is text book hinting about money to a} let you think he is genuine and not after money and b} to gauge your reaction. Do not think for a minute that because he hasn't asked you for money (yet) that he isn't a rat. He is relying on your good nature to offer to help out and he will probably refuse the first time but again this is in the ratty handbook.

Almost all rats have given their password out to give a sense of honesty and trust but this is another game....

As the other ladies have said do not give him details about your finances etc.

These men are professional manipulators - do not be fooled or ever think you can play their game, they will be one step ahead because they don't have a conscience unlike normal people.

MH x
 

confuseddotcom

Major Ratslayer
I agree with @Tigerpants the fact that he’s keen to showcase his financial struggles and lack of an apparent libido is... strange. He should be proving himself to you at this stage, letting you know that he’s a real man who can take care of you. Regarding the sexual stuff there’s a tiny chance that he sees it as “haram” but tbh mine started off the same (acting coy) then once I got there I could barely get thru the front door he turned into a sex maniac. I would imagine that kinda thing happens often with any form of online or long distance dating, with all the crafty men out there. But I wouldn’t dwell on that too much, the main thing is that he doesn’t start asking for financial help.

Next time he gives a sob story respond with “I’m sorry to hear that” and see what he says..... some are more direct than others..
 
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