Three Prime Aims of Narcissists (Rats)

[Scottish Lassie]

Good evening all. A couple of years ago I subscribed to a site run by a narcissist who warns both men and women what to do if they find themselves in a relationship with one, how to get them out of our lives, what the telltale signs of a narcissist are and a whole lot of other information related to narcissism. The more I read the more I realise just how much of a narcissist my rat was....and I’m sure many of you will be able to relate. I recently had this post emailed to me and I thought I’d share it. One of the Prime Aims I would add would be the obtaining of a visa....probably the biggest one when it comes to these Rats. It is a bit of a long read but quite interesting. Hope you agree. xxx


I have three Prime Aims.

All of our kind has three Prime Aims.

Our dark and menacing behaviours (even when dressed up as the illusory golden period) are focused on the attainment of these three Prime Aims. They are all that matter. Everything else is dust. We are driven to secure these Prime Aims. They are hard-wired into us, they are sub-conscious requirements in most of our kind and amongst the Greater of our brethren we are aware of the necessity of attaining these three things to ensure that not only do we survive but we also thrive. Everything we do, say and concern ourselves with revolves around achieving these three aims. Nothing else matters.

Do we love you? No. We do not know what that truly is but we will use love or secure our Prime Aims. We will desecrate it through our twisted facsimile of what we understand love to be and use it secure our aims.

Do we want to do good for the disadvantaged around us? No. Yet, if such behaviour will ultimately benefit us through the establishment of a facade which can then be used to further our quest for these Prime Aims then we will become a trustee of that charity or organise a fund raiser for the Orphanage For Unwanted Monobrowed Children.

Do we want to be friends with you because we find your collection of unopened Star Wars figures fascinating. No. We do so because knowing someone with the best collection on the East Coast means that it works in favour of us in terms of attaining the Prime Aims.

Nothing we do is about you. It is all about securing our aims. Admittedly, there will be occasions where we are in alignment and our march with our dark troops by our side to the attainment of the Prime Aims means that you and others benefit. That is pure serendipity and we do not care whether the outcome is good or bad for you, so long as we achieve what we need.

The sooner you grasp and understand that we are focused on securing these Prime Aims and nothing else matters to us, the faster you will be able to formulate your own way to avoid being caught up in their attainment. The Prime Aims and their attainment is the only goal we are interested in and everything else is swept up in the need to achieve them. Children. Job. Home. Wife. Father. Daughter. Friend. Interests. Socialising. Conversations. Money. Status. Manipulation. Connections. Infidelity. Misery. Cruelty. Seduction. Possessions. These and so much more are mere conduits, enablers, bridges to the securing of the Prime Aims.

Never underestimate or fail to recognise the single-mindedness by which our machine like efficiency closes on this goal. You are there to ensure we achieve it. Our faceless Lieutenants and lurking Coterie are there to ensure we achieve it. The secondary and tertiary sources, the facade, the crows, the butterflies, the seduction, the devaluation and the disengagement. The hoovers, oft and repeated or seemingly absent, yet appearing years later are all part of the inextricably linked matrix to achieve the Prime Aims.

So, what are they?

Those of you who have read much of my work will already know what they are, but it is necessary to identify and underline them.

Fuel/Control
The chief Prime Aim. The most important one and the overriding objective of our engagements with everybody that we come into contact with. Fuel is the emotional response provided by you ad everybody else, caused by us which signals that we have control over you.It may be indirect, for instance someone smiling at us as we walk by, it may be direct because we have provoked you into crying by calling you names.

Fuel is both positive and negative. It flows from all appliances. It varies in potency dependent on the Fuel Index (see the book Fuel for an expansive explanation of this central factor of what drives our kind) and in terms of its quantity and frequency. Fuel powers us. It quells the anguish and the anxiety, it settles us, it edifies us, it makes us powerful and it causes us to feel impregnable, omnipotent and god-like.

It is our drug. We want it and we need it and it must be provided each and every day and we take it from those that we have established in our fuel network. From lover to lollipop lady, everybody and I mean everybody we interactive with is a fuel appliance. The words you use, the tone attached to them, the inflection in your voice, the gestures you make, the things you do, the expression on your face, the sounds you make – all of these provide us with fuel and it has to be caused by us.

If you are crying over the death of your mother, that is not fuel for us. It is fuel for your mother (albeit she didn’t need it when alive and certainly has no use for it now she is cold in the ground). Those tears are wasted and this infuriates us. Thus we will say something hurtful about your pathetic weeping so that you then cry because of what we have said. Your emotional response then is down to us and we gain fuel.

Fuel/Control is the single most important thing to us. We must have control over you and any threat to our control is always met by The 3 Assertions of Control. No fuel and we weaken and ultimately enter a Fuel Crisis.

2. Character Traits

We have built a construct. This construct is like a frame and through the gathering of fuel we are able to then power its maintenance and further development. This construct imprisons The Creature. This construct allows us to show the world what we want to see and thus gain more fuel and the cycle repeats.

Everyone we interact with has the potential to furnish us with character traits which we lift and apply to the construct to make it better, stronger, more attractive and more secure. Each piece of fuel is the paste which enables us to place the shards, segments, patches, pieces and elements of character traits onto the construct and keep them there.

If you wish to understand this in greater detail, read my book Fury.

Your interest in insects, a friend’s sporting achievements, a child’s academic prowess, information from a tertiary source about the best restaurant in Barcelona’s gothic quarter, the humorous anecdotes told by a speaker at an awards dinner, the tales told by a grandparent, the intelligence gathered by a colleague and so on, all of those things become character traits which we will take for ourselves and pass of as our own. We want them and need them from those we interact with. Some have nothing to provide and thus they are less important appliances, but others have many and thus your coruscating, dazzling traits when you are a primary source to us become fundamental as part of the Prime Aims.

3. Residual Benefits

Are you well-off? Have a good house? A car? Access to a particular club? Tickets for sought after games? A famous friend? Excellent carer? Brilliant cook? Social magnet? DIY capable? Good income? Respected community member?

We are entitled and we do not recognise boundaries. Your resources are our resources and the more of those that exist and in different forms, the greater the advantage you possess because of these residual benefits.

These vary dependent on the nature of the narcissist who has ensnared you. We may be financially superior and have a large house, but you are well-thought of by people and have an extensive social circle, political connections and the like, thus we want them.

We may have a physical health problem and therefore the fact that you are a nurse practitioner and exceptionally caring results in those residual benefits becoming the foremost ones.

We may have no job and a rampant cocaine habit, so your well-appointed residence and burgeoning bank account are appealing residual benefits to us.

The list of residual benefits is not exhaustive and they will vary from narcissist to narcissist, but they form a further essential part of this triumvirate.

Thus fuel and control, character traits and residual benefits are the Prime Aims. All appliances are expected to fulfil their obligation to provide us with each element of the Prime Aims, although it is naturally of greater importance concerning the primary source having such applicability.

We are not with you because we love you. We are with you because you as the primary source largely fulfil The Prime Aims and you do so better than anybody else in the Fuel Matrix

We are not friends with you because you are good fun. We are friends with you because as a Non Intimate Secondary Source you contribute to The Prime Aims.

We are not flirting with you because you are hot. We are flirting with you because as an Intimate Tertiary Source you contribute to The Prime Aims.

We do not help you as our sister because we have a sense of duty towards you as a family member. We help you because as a Non Intimate Secondary Source you contribute to The Prime Aims.

We do not have an affair with you because our “wife does not understand us”. We have an affair with you because as a Dirty Little Secret you contribute to The Prime Aims.

You are there to be used. You are in the Fuel Matrix because you contribute, to a greater or lesser extent to The Prime Aims. That is your ONLY function.

Always keep in your mind the relevance of these Prime Aims because this will aid you understanding why certain things are said and done by our kind.

 

[MH007]

Good evening all. A couple of years ago I subscribed to a site run by a narcissist who warns both men and women what to do if they find themselves in a relationship with one, how to get them out of our lives, what the telltale signs of a narcissist are and a whole lot of other information related to narcissism. The more I read the more I realise just how much of a narcissist my rat was....and I’m sure many of you will be able to relate. I recently had this post emailed to me and I thought I’d share it. One of the Prime Aims I would add would be the obtaining of a visa....probably the biggest one when it comes to these Rats. It is a bit of a long read but quite interesting. Hope you agree. xxx


I have three Prime Aims.

All of our kind has three Prime Aims.

Our dark and menacing behaviours (even when dressed up as the illusory golden period) are focused on the attainment of these three Prime Aims. They are all that matter. Everything else is dust. We are driven to secure these Prime Aims. They are hard-wired into us, they are sub-conscious requirements in most of our kind and amongst the Greater of our brethren we are aware of the necessity of attaining these three things to ensure that not only do we survive but we also thrive. Everything we do, say and concern ourselves with revolves around achieving these three aims. Nothing else matters.

Do we love you? No. We do not know what that truly is but we will use love or secure our Prime Aims. We will desecrate it through our twisted facsimile of what we understand love to be and use it secure our aims.

Do we want to do good for the disadvantaged around us? No. Yet, if such behaviour will ultimately benefit us through the establishment of a facade which can then be used to further our quest for these Prime Aims then we will become a trustee of that charity or organise a fund raiser for the Orphanage For Unwanted Monobrowed Children.

Do we want to be friends with you because we find your collection of unopened Star Wars figures fascinating. No. We do so because knowing someone with the best collection on the East Coast means that it works in favour of us in terms of attaining the Prime Aims.

Nothing we do is about you. It is all about securing our aims. Admittedly, there will be occasions where we are in alignment and our march with our dark troops by our side to the attainment of the Prime Aims means that you and others benefit. That is pure serendipity and we do not care whether the outcome is good or bad for you, so long as we achieve what we need.

The sooner you grasp and understand that we are focused on securing these Prime Aims and nothing else matters to us, the faster you will be able to formulate your own way to avoid being caught up in their attainment. The Prime Aims and their attainment is the only goal we are interested in and everything else is swept up in the need to achieve them. Children. Job. Home. Wife. Father. Daughter. Friend. Interests. Socialising. Conversations. Money. Status. Manipulation. Connections. Infidelity. Misery. Cruelty. Seduction. Possessions. These and so much more are mere conduits, enablers, bridges to the securing of the Prime Aims.

Never underestimate or fail to recognise the single-mindedness by which our machine like efficiency closes on this goal. You are there to ensure we achieve it. Our faceless Lieutenants and lurking Coterie are there to ensure we achieve it. The secondary and tertiary sources, the facade, the crows, the butterflies, the seduction, the devaluation and the disengagement. The hoovers, oft and repeated or seemingly absent, yet appearing years later are all part of the inextricably linked matrix to achieve the Prime Aims.

So, what are they?

Those of you who have read much of my work will already know what they are, but it is necessary to identify and underline them.

Fuel/Control
The chief Prime Aim. The most important one and the overriding objective of our engagements with everybody that we come into contact with. Fuel is the emotional response provided by you ad everybody else, caused by us which signals that we have control over you.It may be indirect, for instance someone smiling at us as we walk by, it may be direct because we have provoked you into crying by calling you names.

Fuel is both positive and negative. It flows from all appliances. It varies in potency dependent on the Fuel Index (see the book Fuel for an expansive explanation of this central factor of what drives our kind) and in terms of its quantity and frequency. Fuel powers us. It quells the anguish and the anxiety, it settles us, it edifies us, it makes us powerful and it causes us to feel impregnable, omnipotent and god-like.

It is our drug. We want it and we need it and it must be provided each and every day and we take it from those that we have established in our fuel network. From lover to lollipop lady, everybody and I mean everybody we interactive with is a fuel appliance. The words you use, the tone attached to them, the inflection in your voice, the gestures you make, the things you do, the expression on your face, the sounds you make – all of these provide us with fuel and it has to be caused by us.

If you are crying over the death of your mother, that is not fuel for us. It is fuel for your mother (albeit she didn’t need it when alive and certainly has no use for it now she is cold in the ground). Those tears are wasted and this infuriates us. Thus we will say something hurtful about your pathetic weeping so that you then cry because of what we have said. Your emotional response then is down to us and we gain fuel.

Fuel/Control is the single most important thing to us. We must have control over you and any threat to our control is always met by The 3 Assertions of Control. No fuel and we weaken and ultimately enter a Fuel Crisis.

2. Character Traits

We have built a construct. This construct is like a frame and through the gathering of fuel we are able to then power its maintenance and further development. This construct imprisons The Creature. This construct allows us to show the world what we want to see and thus gain more fuel and the cycle repeats.

Everyone we interact with has the potential to furnish us with character traits which we lift and apply to the construct to make it better, stronger, more attractive and more secure. Each piece of fuel is the paste which enables us to place the shards, segments, patches, pieces and elements of character traits onto the construct and keep them there.

If you wish to understand this in greater detail, read my book Fury.

Your interest in insects, a friend’s sporting achievements, a child’s academic prowess, information from a tertiary source about the best restaurant in Barcelona’s gothic quarter, the humorous anecdotes told by a speaker at an awards dinner, the tales told by a grandparent, the intelligence gathered by a colleague and so on, all of those things become character traits which we will take for ourselves and pass of as our own. We want them and need them from those we interact with. Some have nothing to provide and thus they are less important appliances, but others have many and thus your coruscating, dazzling traits when you are a primary source to us become fundamental as part of the Prime Aims.

3. Residual Benefits

Are you well-off? Have a good house? A car? Access to a particular club? Tickets for sought after games? A famous friend? Excellent carer? Brilliant cook? Social magnet? DIY capable? Good income? Respected community member?

We are entitled and we do not recognise boundaries. Your resources are our resources and the more of those that exist and in different forms, the greater the advantage you possess because of these residual benefits.

These vary dependent on the nature of the narcissist who has ensnared you. We may be financially superior and have a large house, but you are well-thought of by people and have an extensive social circle, political connections and the like, thus we want them.

We may have a physical health problem and therefore the fact that you are a nurse practitioner and exceptionally caring results in those residual benefits becoming the foremost ones.

We may have no job and a rampant cocaine habit, so your well-appointed residence and burgeoning bank account are appealing residual benefits to us.

The list of residual benefits is not exhaustive and they will vary from narcissist to narcissist, but they form a further essential part of this triumvirate.

Thus fuel and control, character traits and residual benefits are the Prime Aims. All appliances are expected to fulfil their obligation to provide us with each element of the Prime Aims, although it is naturally of greater importance concerning the primary source having such applicability.

We are not with you because we love you. We are with you because you as the primary source largely fulfil The Prime Aims and you do so better than anybody else in the Fuel Matrix

We are not friends with you because you are good fun. We are friends with you because as a Non Intimate Secondary Source you contribute to The Prime Aims.

We are not flirting with you because you are hot. We are flirting with you because as an Intimate Tertiary Source you contribute to The Prime Aims.

We do not help you as our sister because we have a sense of duty towards you as a family member. We help you because as a Non Intimate Secondary Source you contribute to The Prime Aims.

We do not have an affair with you because our “wife does not understand us”. We have an affair with you because as a Dirty Little Secret you contribute to The Prime Aims.

You are there to be used. You are in the Fuel Matrix because you contribute, to a greater or lesser extent to The Prime Aims. That is your ONLY function.

Always keep in your mind the relevance of these Prime Aims because this will aid you understanding why certain things are said and done by our kind.

Great post - thank you!

MH x

 

[Anna2you]

Really good ...it tells exactly how my rat was. He took joy in my missery i guess it gave him a sense of control. They will ruin your life and move on when there is nothing else to gain. And they will never look back or feel any regret. Some people compare relationships with tunisians to any other relationship and say that things just may not work. Well good luck to them because it is nothing like a relationship with a person who has "normal range of human feelings". It is very different to a relationship which simply did not work out because although it may still be painfull it does not leave you "cut and dry". I really feel that if my husband could he would have me dead so that he can get everything and so that there is no witness to anything that he did.

 

[Plymouthgirl]

Good evening all. A couple of years ago I subscribed to a site run by a narcissist who warns both men and women what to do if they find themselves in a relationship with one, how to get them out of our lives, what the telltale signs of a narcissist are and a whole lot of other information related to narcissism. The more I read the more I realise just how much of a narcissist my rat was....and I’m sure many of you will be able to relate. I recently had this post emailed to me and I thought I’d share it. One of the Prime Aims I would add would be the obtaining of a visa....probably the biggest one when it comes to these Rats. It is a bit of a long read but quite interesting. Hope you agree. xxx


I have three Prime Aims.

All of our kind has three Prime Aims.

Our dark and menacing behaviours (even when dressed up as the illusory golden period) are focused on the attainment of these three Prime Aims. They are all that matter. Everything else is dust. We are driven to secure these Prime Aims. They are hard-wired into us, they are sub-conscious requirements in most of our kind and amongst the Greater of our brethren we are aware of the necessity of attaining these three things to ensure that not only do we survive but we also thrive. Everything we do, say and concern ourselves with revolves around achieving these three aims. Nothing else matters.

Do we love you? No. We do not know what that truly is but we will use love or secure our Prime Aims. We will desecrate it through our twisted facsimile of what we understand love to be and use it secure our aims.

Do we want to do good for the disadvantaged around us? No. Yet, if such behaviour will ultimately benefit us through the establishment of a facade which can then be used to further our quest for these Prime Aims then we will become a trustee of that charity or organise a fund raiser for the Orphanage For Unwanted Monobrowed Children.

Do we want to be friends with you because we find your collection of unopened Star Wars figures fascinating. No. We do so because knowing someone with the best collection on the East Coast means that it works in favour of us in terms of attaining the Prime Aims.

Nothing we do is about you. It is all about securing our aims. Admittedly, there will be occasions where we are in alignment and our march with our dark troops by our side to the attainment of the Prime Aims means that you and others benefit. That is pure serendipity and we do not care whether the outcome is good or bad for you, so long as we achieve what we need.

The sooner you grasp and understand that we are focused on securing these Prime Aims and nothing else matters to us, the faster you will be able to formulate your own way to avoid being caught up in their attainment. The Prime Aims and their attainment is the only goal we are interested in and everything else is swept up in the need to achieve them. Children. Job. Home. Wife. Father. Daughter. Friend. Interests. Socialising. Conversations. Money. Status. Manipulation. Connections. Infidelity. Misery. Cruelty. Seduction. Possessions. These and so much more are mere conduits, enablers, bridges to the securing of the Prime Aims.

Never underestimate or fail to recognise the single-mindedness by which our machine like efficiency closes on this goal. You are there to ensure we achieve it. Our faceless Lieutenants and lurking Coterie are there to ensure we achieve it. The secondary and tertiary sources, the facade, the crows, the butterflies, the seduction, the devaluation and the disengagement. The hoovers, oft and repeated or seemingly absent, yet appearing years later are all part of the inextricably linked matrix to achieve the Prime Aims.

So, what are they?

Those of you who have read much of my work will already know what they are, but it is necessary to identify and underline them.

Fuel/Control
The chief Prime Aim. The most important one and the overriding objective of our engagements with everybody that we come into contact with. Fuel is the emotional response provided by you ad everybody else, caused by us which signals that we have control over you.It may be indirect, for instance someone smiling at us as we walk by, it may be direct because we have provoked you into crying by calling you names.

Fuel is both positive and negative. It flows from all appliances. It varies in potency dependent on the Fuel Index (see the book Fuel for an expansive explanation of this central factor of what drives our kind) and in terms of its quantity and frequency. Fuel powers us. It quells the anguish and the anxiety, it settles us, it edifies us, it makes us powerful and it causes us to feel impregnable, omnipotent and god-like.

It is our drug. We want it and we need it and it must be provided each and every day and we take it from those that we have established in our fuel network. From lover to lollipop lady, everybody and I mean everybody we interactive with is a fuel appliance. The words you use, the tone attached to them, the inflection in your voice, the gestures you make, the things you do, the expression on your face, the sounds you make – all of these provide us with fuel and it has to be caused by us.

If you are crying over the death of your mother, that is not fuel for us. It is fuel for your mother (albeit she didn’t need it when alive and certainly has no use for it now she is cold in the ground). Those tears are wasted and this infuriates us. Thus we will say something hurtful about your pathetic weeping so that you then cry because of what we have said. Your emotional response then is down to us and we gain fuel.

Fuel/Control is the single most important thing to us. We must have control over you and any threat to our control is always met by The 3 Assertions of Control. No fuel and we weaken and ultimately enter a Fuel Crisis.

2. Character Traits

We have built a construct. This construct is like a frame and through the gathering of fuel we are able to then power its maintenance and further development. This construct imprisons The Creature. This construct allows us to show the world what we want to see and thus gain more fuel and the cycle repeats.

Everyone we interact with has the potential to furnish us with character traits which we lift and apply to the construct to make it better, stronger, more attractive and more secure. Each piece of fuel is the paste which enables us to place the shards, segments, patches, pieces and elements of character traits onto the construct and keep them there.

If you wish to understand this in greater detail, read my book Fury.

Your interest in insects, a friend’s sporting achievements, a child’s academic prowess, information from a tertiary source about the best restaurant in Barcelona’s gothic quarter, the humorous anecdotes told by a speaker at an awards dinner, the tales told by a grandparent, the intelligence gathered by a colleague and so on, all of those things become character traits which we will take for ourselves and pass of as our own. We want them and need them from those we interact with. Some have nothing to provide and thus they are less important appliances, but others have many and thus your coruscating, dazzling traits when you are a primary source to us become fundamental as part of the Prime Aims.

3. Residual Benefits

Are you well-off? Have a good house? A car? Access to a particular club? Tickets for sought after games? A famous friend? Excellent carer? Brilliant cook? Social magnet? DIY capable? Good income? Respected community member?

We are entitled and we do not recognise boundaries. Your resources are our resources and the more of those that exist and in different forms, the greater the advantage you possess because of these residual benefits.

These vary dependent on the nature of the narcissist who has ensnared you. We may be financially superior and have a large house, but you are well-thought of by people and have an extensive social circle, political connections and the like, thus we want them.

We may have a physical health problem and therefore the fact that you are a nurse practitioner and exceptionally caring results in those residual benefits becoming the foremost ones.

We may have no job and a rampant cocaine habit, so your well-appointed residence and burgeoning bank account are appealing residual benefits to us.

The list of residual benefits is not exhaustive and they will vary from narcissist to narcissist, but they form a further essential part of this triumvirate.

Thus fuel and control, character traits and residual benefits are the Prime Aims. All appliances are expected to fulfil their obligation to provide us with each element of the Prime Aims, although it is naturally of greater importance concerning the primary source having such applicability.

We are not with you because we love you. We are with you because you as the primary source largely fulfil The Prime Aims and you do so better than anybody else in the Fuel Matrix

We are not friends with you because you are good fun. We are friends with you because as a Non Intimate Secondary Source you contribute to The Prime Aims.

We are not flirting with you because you are hot. We are flirting with you because as an Intimate Tertiary Source you contribute to The Prime Aims.

We do not help you as our sister because we have a sense of duty towards you as a family member. We help you because as a Non Intimate Secondary Source you contribute to The Prime Aims.

We do not have an affair with you because our “wife does not understand us”. We have an affair with you because as a Dirty Little Secret you contribute to The Prime Aims.

You are there to be used. You are in the Fuel Matrix because you contribute, to a greater or lesser extent to The Prime Aims. That is your ONLY function.

Always keep in your mind the relevance of these Prime Aims because this will aid you understanding why certain things are said and done by our kind.

Bloody Hell.............Chilling stuff..............

 

[Plymouthgirl]

Really good ...it tells exactly how my rat was. He took joy in my missery i guess it gave him a sense of control. They will ruin your life and move on when there is nothing else to gain. And they will never look back or feel any regret. Some people compare relationships with tunisians to any other relationship and say that things just may not work. Well good luck to them because it is nothing like a relationship with a person who has "normal range of human feelings". It is very different to a relationship which simply did not work out because although it may still be painfull it does not leave you "cut and dry". I really feel that if my husband could he would have me dead so that he can get everything and so that there is no witness to anything that he did.

The sickest animals on earth, I swear to God.............

 

[Tigerpants]

Good evening all. A couple of years ago I subscribed to a site run by a narcissist who warns both men and women what to do if they find themselves in a relationship with one, how to get them out of our lives, what the telltale signs of a narcissist are and a whole lot of other information related to narcissism. The more I read the more I realise just how much of a narcissist my rat was....and I’m sure many of you will be able to relate. I recently had this post emailed to me and I thought I’d share it. One of the Prime Aims I would add would be the obtaining of a visa....probably the biggest one when it comes to these Rats. It is a bit of a long read but quite interesting. Hope you agree. xxx


I have three Prime Aims.

All of our kind has three Prime Aims.

Our dark and menacing behaviours (even when dressed up as the illusory golden period) are focused on the attainment of these three Prime Aims. They are all that matter. Everything else is dust. We are driven to secure these Prime Aims. They are hard-wired into us, they are sub-conscious requirements in most of our kind and amongst the Greater of our brethren we are aware of the necessity of attaining these three things to ensure that not only do we survive but we also thrive. Everything we do, say and concern ourselves with revolves around achieving these three aims. Nothing else matters.

Do we love you? No. We do not know what that truly is but we will use love or secure our Prime Aims. We will desecrate it through our twisted facsimile of what we understand love to be and use it secure our aims.

Do we want to do good for the disadvantaged around us? No. Yet, if such behaviour will ultimately benefit us through the establishment of a facade which can then be used to further our quest for these Prime Aims then we will become a trustee of that charity or organise a fund raiser for the Orphanage For Unwanted Monobrowed Children.

Do we want to be friends with you because we find your collection of unopened Star Wars figures fascinating. No. We do so because knowing someone with the best collection on the East Coast means that it works in favour of us in terms of attaining the Prime Aims.

Nothing we do is about you. It is all about securing our aims. Admittedly, there will be occasions where we are in alignment and our march with our dark troops by our side to the attainment of the Prime Aims means that you and others benefit. That is pure serendipity and we do not care whether the outcome is good or bad for you, so long as we achieve what we need.

The sooner you grasp and understand that we are focused on securing these Prime Aims and nothing else matters to us, the faster you will be able to formulate your own way to avoid being caught up in their attainment. The Prime Aims and their attainment is the only goal we are interested in and everything else is swept up in the need to achieve them. Children. Job. Home. Wife. Father. Daughter. Friend. Interests. Socialising. Conversations. Money. Status. Manipulation. Connections. Infidelity. Misery. Cruelty. Seduction. Possessions. These and so much more are mere conduits, enablers, bridges to the securing of the Prime Aims.

Never underestimate or fail to recognise the single-mindedness by which our machine like efficiency closes on this goal. You are there to ensure we achieve it. Our faceless Lieutenants and lurking Coterie are there to ensure we achieve it. The secondary and tertiary sources, the facade, the crows, the butterflies, the seduction, the devaluation and the disengagement. The hoovers, oft and repeated or seemingly absent, yet appearing years later are all part of the inextricably linked matrix to achieve the Prime Aims.

So, what are they?

Those of you who have read much of my work will already know what they are, but it is necessary to identify and underline them.

Fuel/Control
The chief Prime Aim. The most important one and the overriding objective of our engagements with everybody that we come into contact with. Fuel is the emotional response provided by you ad everybody else, caused by us which signals that we have control over you.It may be indirect, for instance someone smiling at us as we walk by, it may be direct because we have provoked you into crying by calling you names.

Fuel is both positive and negative. It flows from all appliances. It varies in potency dependent on the Fuel Index (see the book Fuel for an expansive explanation of this central factor of what drives our kind) and in terms of its quantity and frequency. Fuel powers us. It quells the anguish and the anxiety, it settles us, it edifies us, it makes us powerful and it causes us to feel impregnable, omnipotent and god-like.

It is our drug. We want it and we need it and it must be provided each and every day and we take it from those that we have established in our fuel network. From lover to lollipop lady, everybody and I mean everybody we interactive with is a fuel appliance. The words you use, the tone attached to them, the inflection in your voice, the gestures you make, the things you do, the expression on your face, the sounds you make – all of these provide us with fuel and it has to be caused by us.

If you are crying over the death of your mother, that is not fuel for us. It is fuel for your mother (albeit she didn’t need it when alive and certainly has no use for it now she is cold in the ground). Those tears are wasted and this infuriates us. Thus we will say something hurtful about your pathetic weeping so that you then cry because of what we have said. Your emotional response then is down to us and we gain fuel.

Fuel/Control is the single most important thing to us. We must have control over you and any threat to our control is always met by The 3 Assertions of Control. No fuel and we weaken and ultimately enter a Fuel Crisis.

2. Character Traits

We have built a construct. This construct is like a frame and through the gathering of fuel we are able to then power its maintenance and further development. This construct imprisons The Creature. This construct allows us to show the world what we want to see and thus gain more fuel and the cycle repeats.

Everyone we interact with has the potential to furnish us with character traits which we lift and apply to the construct to make it better, stronger, more attractive and more secure. Each piece of fuel is the paste which enables us to place the shards, segments, patches, pieces and elements of character traits onto the construct and keep them there.

If you wish to understand this in greater detail, read my book Fury.

Your interest in insects, a friend’s sporting achievements, a child’s academic prowess, information from a tertiary source about the best restaurant in Barcelona’s gothic quarter, the humorous anecdotes told by a speaker at an awards dinner, the tales told by a grandparent, the intelligence gathered by a colleague and so on, all of those things become character traits which we will take for ourselves and pass of as our own. We want them and need them from those we interact with. Some have nothing to provide and thus they are less important appliances, but others have many and thus your coruscating, dazzling traits when you are a primary source to us become fundamental as part of the Prime Aims.

3. Residual Benefits

Are you well-off? Have a good house? A car? Access to a particular club? Tickets for sought after games? A famous friend? Excellent carer? Brilliant cook? Social magnet? DIY capable? Good income? Respected community member?

We are entitled and we do not recognise boundaries. Your resources are our resources and the more of those that exist and in different forms, the greater the advantage you possess because of these residual benefits.

These vary dependent on the nature of the narcissist who has ensnared you. We may be financially superior and have a large house, but you are well-thought of by people and have an extensive social circle, political connections and the like, thus we want them.

We may have a physical health problem and therefore the fact that you are a nurse practitioner and exceptionally caring results in those residual benefits becoming the foremost ones.

We may have no job and a rampant cocaine habit, so your well-appointed residence and burgeoning bank account are appealing residual benefits to us.

The list of residual benefits is not exhaustive and they will vary from narcissist to narcissist, but they form a further essential part of this triumvirate.

Thus fuel and control, character traits and residual benefits are the Prime Aims. All appliances are expected to fulfil their obligation to provide us with each element of the Prime Aims, although it is naturally of greater importance concerning the primary source having such applicability.

We are not with you because we love you. We are with you because you as the primary source largely fulfil The Prime Aims and you do so better than anybody else in the Fuel Matrix

We are not friends with you because you are good fun. We are friends with you because as a Non Intimate Secondary Source you contribute to The Prime Aims.

We are not flirting with you because you are hot. We are flirting with you because as an Intimate Tertiary Source you contribute to The Prime Aims.

We do not help you as our sister because we have a sense of duty towards you as a family member. We help you because as a Non Intimate Secondary Source you contribute to The Prime Aims.

We do not have an affair with you because our “wife does not understand us”. We have an affair with you because as a Dirty Little Secret you contribute to The Prime Aims.

You are there to be used. You are in the Fuel Matrix because you contribute, to a greater or lesser extent to The Prime Aims. That is your ONLY function.

Always keep in your mind the relevance of these Prime Aims because this will aid you understanding why certain things are said and done by our kind.

Amazing post. Truely educational for all and a must read. thanks @Scottish Lassie x

 

[confuseddotcom]

These men have the same mentalities as jihadists, do whatever it takes to achieve your end goal with no holds barred. They rarely ever feel remorse and even if they do they’re ready to defend themselves or blame something/one else cause for them it’s a survival mechanism even if it’s completely unnecessary.

They’re raised on fear instead of love and most hate and yet envy Europeans for not submitting. The odd comment will pop out now and then. If he’s making nasty remarks about infidels then a so-called infidel woman that’s with one would have to ask herself why he’s with her then??? Someone who’s been born and raised amongst infidels lol??? The disrespect will get worse over time, unless YOU submit.

Most of their scams revolve around the end goal of their expensive, “respectable” and “halal” marriages, and if possible material luxuries in addition to that. The dowries will always be there and will always be high until these men can be trusted to support one woman without running off when the going gets tough.

 

[Wiser]

These men have the same mentalities as jihadists, do whatever it takes to achieve your end goal with no holds barred. They rarely ever feel remorse and even if they do they’re ready to defend themselves or blame something/one else cause for them it’s a survival mechanism even if it’s completely unnecessary.

They’re raised on fear instead of love and most hate and yet envy Europeans for not submitting. The odd comment will pop out now and then. If he’s making nasty remarks about infidels then a so-called infidel woman that’s with one would have to ask herself why he’s with her then??? Someone who’s been born and raised amongst infidels lol??? The disrespect will get worse over time, unless YOU submit.

Most of their scams revolve around the end goal of their expensive, “respectable” and “halal” marriages, and if possible material luxuries in addition to that. The dowries will always be there and will always be high until these men can be trusted to support one woman without running off when the going gets tough.

Your post comes at a perfect timing, just had a look on my ex rat social media to check If he is fine. Anyways... His media is full of racist posts against Latin Americans and North Americans. Direct comments inciting hate. Also it’s full of Quoran posts, a lot of how a good Muslim must behave, about what jihad really means and of course posts glorifying women wearing the veil. At the same time ridiculing western women and their dressing code. He posts swear words with same frequency as Prayers... the point is he has many foreign men and women on his social media and locals, if we had this knowledge on their scams we would be able to decode their Social media. They are not even hiding the kind of horrible beings they are. They undercover themselves by posting all that hate and swearing along with their pictures showing all flesh. A traditional person that follows his costumes wouldn’t do it. They treat everyone with kindness and respect.

 

[confuseddotcom]

They are hypocrites Half the time they don’t even read the Quran if they can read at all, and they just cherry pick whatever suits them. They hate the west and yet they can’t live without their fake Lacoste and their iPhones LOL they are a mess

 

[Scottish Lassie]

Great post - thank you!

MH x

Great post - thank you!

MH x

Thanks @MH007. I read so many of those posts and can see some much similar content when I read the posts on here. Clearly there isn’t even one rat who isn’t narcissistic. Sad too to see how much abuse victims of narcissists allow themselves to go through before they either manage to escape or accept that there is no at out and they’ll just have to accept their partner as they are. Fortunately everyone on here have seen these rats for who they really are and with the support of those in this group, have managed to deal with what they endured and are changing their lives for the better. We will not be defeated! They will receive their comeuppance. xx

 

[Scottish Lassie]

Really good ...it tells exactly how my rat was. He took joy in my missery i guess it gave him a sense of control. They will ruin your life and move on when there is nothing else to gain. And they will never look back or feel any regret. Some people compare relationships with tunisians to any other relationship and say that things just may not work. Well good luck to them because it is nothing like a relationship with a person who has "normal range of human feelings". It is very different to a relationship which simply did not work out because although it may still be painfull it does not leave you "cut and dry". I really feel that if my husband could he would have me dead so that he can get everything and so that there is no witness to anything that he did.

You are absolutely correct @Anna2you. They are not normal. Many relationships don’t work and there’s nothing wrong with that. Sometimes only after being together in a relationship do couples realise they are not compatible and many times they have an amicable separation. However these rats want to direct their own play and they decide your part...your words and your actions. There is no compromise. It’s their way or the highway. Sadly oftentimes you think you e escaped them but they keep you on, what could be, a very long rope. When they feel like pulling you back into their world, they do. Sadly many of us are so addicted and have been messed up emotionally that we return and hope they’ve changed and we’ll still get our “happily ever after”. That will never happen and once they are tired of us again we will be discarded and left to pick up the pieces of our broken hearts yet again. It can be an endless cycle and not everyone is strong enough to completely escape. Even harder for those married to a rat, such as yourself....especially if you’ve had children together. These rats want you to have their children as then you are forever tied to them in some or other format. I would not want to be in your position...not knowing if you’re safe and sleeping with one eye open. What goes around comes around and hopefully he will get a taste of his own medicine and you will eventually get him out of your life once and for all. You deserve to be free of him and you deserve to be happy. Don’t give up. xx

 

[Scottish Lassie]

Bloody Hell.............Chilling stuff..............

My thoughts exactly. I get chills down my spine when I read those articles and realise just how twisted these men are. They sometimes claim rather had screwed up lives when they were younger and use that as an excuse for their behaviour now. Of course it is always someone’s fault...never theirs. They hate accountability and that will never change. They give you no choice but to accept them as they are and the harder you try to escape the more they try to suck you back in. They are liars and cheats and have no empathy for anyone. In fact they attach themselves to empathetic people because they see us as vulnerable and easy to manipulate. We have natures they have never understood or experienced...because we have proper emotions and we are loving and caring and want to share this with them. They don’t know how to live..only how to use and abuse...and our rats have done just that to many of us. At least here the ladies have seen through the facade however painful and are trying to put their lives back together. There is a light at the end of the tunnel for those who don’t give up until they have truly made their escape. xx

 

[Scottish Lassie]

The sickest animals on earth, I swear to God.............

That they are. No other way to describe them. They are the lowest of the lowest and deserve to be used and abused and made to suffer as much as they have made their victims suffer. xx

 

[Scottish Lassie]

Amazing post. Truely educational for all and a must read. thanks @Scottish Lassie x

My pleasure @Tigerpants. I will definitely post some more of the articles I feel will resonate with this group. The more we learn about them and their tactics the better prepared we will be when they start luring us into their web. xx

 

[Scottish Lassie]

These men have the same mentalities as jihadists, do whatever it takes to achieve your end goal with no holds barred. They rarely ever feel remorse and even if they do they’re ready to defend themselves or blame something/one else cause for them it’s a survival mechanism even if it’s completely unnecessary.

They’re raised on fear instead of love and most hate and yet envy Europeans for not submitting. The odd comment will pop out now and then. If he’s making nasty remarks about infidels then a so-called infidel woman that’s with one would have to ask herself why he’s with her then??? Someone who’s been born and raised amongst infidels lol??? The disrespect will get worse over time, unless YOU submit.

Most of their scams revolve around the end goal of their expensive, “respectable” and “halal” marriages, and if possible material luxuries in addition to that. The dowries will always be there and will always be high until these men can be trusted to support one woman without running off when the going gets tough.

That is very well said @confuseddotcom You know your subject very well and everything you have said is true. They are masters of manipulation but yes, perhaps more and more Europeans are recognising their traits and this is becoming very frustrating. Europe is probably, in their minds, the best place to find their victims since they are closer to home. Those who travel to America or Canada are much further away and can’t leave the country until after 2 years methinks. Of course they’ll want to remain married until they qualify for permanent residency but of course, with so many victims accessible online, they can continue with Berne’s as usual and none would be the wiser. Little do their wives know they are living a lie and their rat will be off back home once he has what he needs to give his planned wife the life he was not able to afford until , like a leech, vacuuming off his victims to unknowingly provide the means to make the dream with his virgin Tunisian bride (probably cousin) a reality. They are as evil as evil can ever be! xx

 

[Scottish Lassie]

Your post comes at a perfect timing, just had a look on my ex rat social media to check If he is fine. Anyways... His media is full of racist posts against Latin Americans and North Americans. Direct comments inciting hate. Also it’s full of Quoran posts, a lot of how a good Muslim must behave, about what jihad really means and of course posts glorifying women wearing the veil. At the same time ridiculing western women and their dressing code. He posts swear words with same frequency as Prayers... the point is he has many foreign men and women on his social media and locals, if we had this knowledge on their scams we would be able to decode their Social media. They are not even hiding the kind of horrible beings they are. They undercover themselves by posting all that hate and swearing along with their pictures showing all flesh. A traditional person that follows his costumes wouldn’t do it. They treat everyone with kindness and respect.View attachment 67654

They are a breed of their own and feel they can say and do anything they want without repercussions. The fact that they openly express their hatred tells me that they feel they are invincible and nobody can touch them. I don’t know much about the Muslim Faith but I work with several of them and they are such lovely people. Those who insite such hatred give their own religion and fellow Muslims a very bad name. If I was in a relationship with such a person I would be terrified that harm might befall me or my family. They are shameless and deserve no place in society or on this earth in general. Their time will come when they will have to face the music....and it won’t be pretty! xx

 

[Scottish Lassie]

They are hypocrites Half the time they don’t even read the Quran if they can read at all, and they just cherry pick whatever suits them. They hate the west and yet they can’t live without their fake Lacoste and their iPhones LOL they are a mess

I couldn’t agree with you more @confuseddotcom. They really are a mess and alter their own beliefs to accommodate their narcissistic lifestyles. Even as a Christian I find it hard to believe that Allah would condone their actions...and yet they feel free to do as they please and will have us believe that in their belief they are not doing anything wrong. Yes, I am sure many of them are Muslims by name only but know hardly anything about their beliefs. They hate the west because they are jealous of them even though they would happily be westernised if it meant they would reach their ultimate goal. No consideration for others and no accountability. They are pure evil. Nothing more, nothing less. xx

 

[Sabrina]

Good evening all. A couple of years ago I subscribed to a site run by a narcissist who warns both men and women what to do if they find themselves in a relationship with one, how to get them out of our lives, what the telltale signs of a narcissist are and a whole lot of other information related to narcissism. The more I read the more I realise just how much of a narcissist my rat was....and I’m sure many of you will be able to relate. I recently had this post emailed to me and I thought I’d share it. One of the Prime Aims I would add would be the obtaining of a visa....probably the biggest one when it comes to these Rats. It is a bit of a long read but quite interesting. Hope you agree. xxx


I have three Prime Aims.

All of our kind has three Prime Aims.

Our dark and menacing behaviours (even when dressed up as the illusory golden period) are focused on the attainment of these three Prime Aims. They are all that matter. Everything else is dust. We are driven to secure these Prime Aims. They are hard-wired into us, they are sub-conscious requirements in most of our kind and amongst the Greater of our brethren we are aware of the necessity of attaining these three things to ensure that not only do we survive but we also thrive. Everything we do, say and concern ourselves with revolves around achieving these three aims. Nothing else matters.

Do we love you? No. We do not know what that truly is but we will use love or secure our Prime Aims. We will desecrate it through our twisted facsimile of what we understand love to be and use it secure our aims.

Do we want to do good for the disadvantaged around us? No. Yet, if such behaviour will ultimately benefit us through the establishment of a facade which can then be used to further our quest for these Prime Aims then we will become a trustee of that charity or organise a fund raiser for the Orphanage For Unwanted Monobrowed Children.

Do we want to be friends with you because we find your collection of unopened Star Wars figures fascinating. No. We do so because knowing someone with the best collection on the East Coast means that it works in favour of us in terms of attaining the Prime Aims.

Nothing we do is about you. It is all about securing our aims. Admittedly, there will be occasions where we are in alignment and our march with our dark troops by our side to the attainment of the Prime Aims means that you and others benefit. That is pure serendipity and we do not care whether the outcome is good or bad for you, so long as we achieve what we need.

The sooner you grasp and understand that we are focused on securing these Prime Aims and nothing else matters to us, the faster you will be able to formulate your own way to avoid being caught up in their attainment. The Prime Aims and their attainment is the only goal we are interested in and everything else is swept up in the need to achieve them. Children. Job. Home. Wife. Father. Daughter. Friend. Interests. Socialising. Conversations. Money. Status. Manipulation. Connections. Infidelity. Misery. Cruelty. Seduction. Possessions. These and so much more are mere conduits, enablers, bridges to the securing of the Prime Aims.

Never underestimate or fail to recognise the single-mindedness by which our machine like efficiency closes on this goal. You are there to ensure we achieve it. Our faceless Lieutenants and lurking Coterie are there to ensure we achieve it. The secondary and tertiary sources, the facade, the crows, the butterflies, the seduction, the devaluation and the disengagement. The hoovers, oft and repeated or seemingly absent, yet appearing years later are all part of the inextricably linked matrix to achieve the Prime Aims.

So, what are they?

Those of you who have read much of my work will already know what they are, but it is necessary to identify and underline them.

Fuel/Control
The chief Prime Aim. The most important one and the overriding objective of our engagements with everybody that we come into contact with. Fuel is the emotional response provided by you ad everybody else, caused by us which signals that we have control over you.It may be indirect, for instance someone smiling at us as we walk by, it may be direct because we have provoked you into crying by calling you names.

Fuel is both positive and negative. It flows from all appliances. It varies in potency dependent on the Fuel Index (see the book Fuel for an expansive explanation of this central factor of what drives our kind) and in terms of its quantity and frequency. Fuel powers us. It quells the anguish and the anxiety, it settles us, it edifies us, it makes us powerful and it causes us to feel impregnable, omnipotent and god-like.

It is our drug. We want it and we need it and it must be provided each and every day and we take it from those that we have established in our fuel network. From lover to lollipop lady, everybody and I mean everybody we interactive with is a fuel appliance. The words you use, the tone attached to them, the inflection in your voice, the gestures you make, the things you do, the expression on your face, the sounds you make – all of these provide us with fuel and it has to be caused by us.

If you are crying over the death of your mother, that is not fuel for us. It is fuel for your mother (albeit she didn’t need it when alive and certainly has no use for it now she is cold in the ground). Those tears are wasted and this infuriates us. Thus we will say something hurtful about your pathetic weeping so that you then cry because of what we have said. Your emotional response then is down to us and we gain fuel.

Fuel/Control is the single most important thing to us. We must have control over you and any threat to our control is always met by The 3 Assertions of Control. No fuel and we weaken and ultimately enter a Fuel Crisis.

2. Character Traits

We have built a construct. This construct is like a frame and through the gathering of fuel we are able to then power its maintenance and further development. This construct imprisons The Creature. This construct allows us to show the world what we want to see and thus gain more fuel and the cycle repeats.

Everyone we interact with has the potential to furnish us with character traits which we lift and apply to the construct to make it better, stronger, more attractive and more secure. Each piece of fuel is the paste which enables us to place the shards, segments, patches, pieces and elements of character traits onto the construct and keep them there.

If you wish to understand this in greater detail, read my book Fury.

Your interest in insects, a friend’s sporting achievements, a child’s academic prowess, information from a tertiary source about the best restaurant in Barcelona’s gothic quarter, the humorous anecdotes told by a speaker at an awards dinner, the tales told by a grandparent, the intelligence gathered by a colleague and so on, all of those things become character traits which we will take for ourselves and pass of as our own. We want them and need them from those we interact with. Some have nothing to provide and thus they are less important appliances, but others have many and thus your coruscating, dazzling traits when you are a primary source to us become fundamental as part of the Prime Aims.

3. Residual Benefits

Are you well-off? Have a good house? A car? Access to a particular club? Tickets for sought after games? A famous friend? Excellent carer? Brilliant cook? Social magnet? DIY capable? Good income? Respected community member?

We are entitled and we do not recognise boundaries. Your resources are our resources and the more of those that exist and in different forms, the greater the advantage you possess because of these residual benefits.

These vary dependent on the nature of the narcissist who has ensnared you. We may be financially superior and have a large house, but you are well-thought of by people and have an extensive social circle, political connections and the like, thus we want them.

We may have a physical health problem and therefore the fact that you are a nurse practitioner and exceptionally caring results in those residual benefits becoming the foremost ones.

We may have no job and a rampant cocaine habit, so your well-appointed residence and burgeoning bank account are appealing residual benefits to us.

The list of residual benefits is not exhaustive and they will vary from narcissist to narcissist, but they form a further essential part of this triumvirate.

Thus fuel and control, character traits and residual benefits are the Prime Aims. All appliances are expected to fulfil their obligation to provide us with each element of the Prime Aims, although it is naturally of greater importance concerning the primary source having such applicability.

We are not with you because we love you. We are with you because you as the primary source largely fulfil The Prime Aims and you do so better than anybody else in the Fuel Matrix

We are not friends with you because you are good fun. We are friends with you because as a Non Intimate Secondary Source you contribute to The Prime Aims.

We are not flirting with you because you are hot. We are flirting with you because as an Intimate Tertiary Source you contribute to The Prime Aims.

We do not help you as our sister because we have a sense of duty towards you as a family member. We help you because as a Non Intimate Secondary Source you contribute to The Prime Aims.

We do not have an affair with you because our “wife does not understand us”. We have an affair with you because as a Dirty Little Secret you contribute to The Prime Aims.

You are there to be used. You are in the Fuel Matrix because you contribute, to a greater or lesser extent to The Prime Aims. That is your ONLY function.

Always keep in your mind the relevance of these Prime Aims because this will aid you understanding why certain things are said and done by our kind.

Good post and I was wondering have you ever wondered when they stopped loving you? But I guess they never did? I cannot comprehend someone going thru all this for so long! I’m speaking of the guy acting..... WOW all this makes me feel better and better about not speaking to him I had read on Tunisian loverats when we first started talking so I was always on lookout and never trusted him completely he always said I make him a liarnope he did that all by himself I just knew

 

[Scottish Lassie]

Good post and I was wondering have you ever wondered when they stopped loving you? But I guess they never did? I cannot comprehend someone going thru all this for so long! I’m speaking of the guy acting..... WOW all this makes me feel better and better about not speaking to him I had read on Tunisian loverats when we first started talking so I was always on lookout and never trusted him completely he always said I make him a liarnope he did that all by himself I just knew

Thanks @Sabrina lasser. I wondered often when my rat stopped loving me. I surmised that it was when he stopped contacting me often and was no longer telling me how much he loved me and wanted us to be together. He kept pressuring me about marriage and I think he eventually gave up and started focussing on other prospects when he could see that I wasn’t pushing to make things happen. At first I thought he must have loved me as I know I loved him and he seemed so genuine. However, when I came across this site and started reading these articles about narcissists, I realised it had all been a lie and that his motive was never about us being together and living happily ever after. It was about the visa all along. Now the scales are off my eyes and his mask fell off and I realised just how naive I was. These guys will do whatever it takes to get what they want. My rat would have only qualified for Indefinite Leave to Remain in the U.K. after being married to me and residing in the UZk for at least 5 years. No doubt he would have been the loving, romantic and doting husband I had fallen in love with online...but only until he received his settlement visa...then he would leave me and return to Tunisia to start his actual life. Once bitten twice shy. I’m staying far away from Tunisian men now and definitely will be very weary about finding love online. x

 

[MH007]

Thanks @Sabrina lasser. I wondered often when my rat stopped loving me. I surmised that it was when he stopped contacting me often and was no longer telling me how much he loved me and wanted us to be together. He kept pressuring me about marriage and I think he eventually gave up and started focussing on other prospects when he could see that I wasn’t pushing to make things happen. At first I thought he must have loved me as I know I loved him and he seemed so genuine. However, when I came across this site and started reading these articles about narcissists, I realised it had all been a lie and that his motive was never about us being together and living happily ever after. It was about the visa all along. Now the scales are off my eyes and his mask fell off and I realised just how naive I was. These guys will do whatever it takes to get what they want. My rat would have only qualified for Indefinite Leave to Remain in the U.K. after being married to me and residing in the UZk for at least 5 years. No doubt he would have been the loving, romantic and doting husband I had fallen in love with online...but only until he received his settlement visa...then he would leave me and return to Tunisia to start his actual life. Once bitten twice shy. I’m staying far away from Tunisian men now and definitely will be very weary about finding love online. x

Thanks for your honest post.

How are you doing now?

Hugs

MH x

 

[Scottish Lassie]

Thanks for your honest post.

How are you doing now?

Hugs

MH x

Thanks very much @MH007. All is pretty well but a bit stressful. I haven’t been on here for a while as I have been stressing about when my company will be reopening and I will be returning to the office. After 4 months on furlough it is starting to get to me. My daughter returned to school last week after they closed in March. She is glad to be back. It has given me time to focus on my poetry writing though and I try to keep my rat out of my thoughts but he creeps in every so often when I think of his poor wife. Will be glad to get back to work so I have no time to think about my rat. I’ve wasted enough thinking time on him as it is. Hope all is well with you.

Hugs x

 

[MH007]

[/QUOTE]

="Scottish Lassie, post: 336220, member: 38454"]
Thanks very much @MH007. All is pretty well but a bit stressful. I haven’t been on here for a while as I have been stressing about when my company will be reopening and I will be returning to the office. After 4 months on furlough it is starting to get to me. My daughter returned to school last week after they closed in March. She is glad to be back. It has given me time to focus on my poetry writing though and I try to keep my rat out of my thoughts but he creeps in every so often when I think of his poor wife. Will be glad to get back to work so I have no time to think about my rat. I’ve wasted enough thinking time on him as it is. Hope all is well with you.

Hugs x

I think Covid has given us all too much time to think about rats even more so now if you daughter is back at school

All is good with me thank you - TLR has kept me busy lol apart from that I have become quite lazy and addicted to trashy TV - the highlight of my evenings is Married at first sight Australia and in the day undercover boss amongst other equally mind numbing but easy watching shows.

Perhaps you would share some of your poetry with us - I'm sure we will all enjoy reading them.

Hugs

MH x

 

[Butterflies]

Well MH these are the highlight for me to married at first sight Australia and 90days fiancee/ happy ever after? I blame corona lol. I would like it to to read some of her poetry

 

[Victoraax]

Can I contact admin??
It is important.
Regards.

 

[Butterflies]

Can I contact admin??
It is important.
Regards.

Hi Victoraax welcome here at the forum. You can [email protected] MH007 she will help you. Go to the top of your profile here at the forum. There is an envelop on the right side of your screen. Click on it and choose her name there to start a conversation x

 

[MH007]

Can I contact admin??
It is important.
Regards.

I will message you.

MH x

 

[Sabrina]

Thanks @Sabrina lasser. I wondered often when my rat stopped loving me. I surmised that it was when he stopped contacting me often and was no longer telling me how much he loved me and wanted us to be together. He kept pressuring me about marriage and I think he eventually gave up and started focussing on other prospects when he could see that I wasn’t pushing to make things happen. At first I thought he must have loved me as I know I loved him and he seemed so genuine. However, when I came across this site and started reading these articles about narcissists, I realised it had all been a lie and that his motive was never about us being together and living happily ever after. It was about the visa all along. Now the scales are off my eyes and his mask fell off and I realised just how naive I was. These guys will do whatever it takes to get what they want. My rat would have only qualified for Indefinite Leave to Remain in the U.K. after being married to me and residing in the UZk for at least 5 years. No doubt he would have been the loving, romantic and doting husband I had fallen in love with online...but only until he received his settlement visa...then he would leave me and return to Tunisia to start his actual life. Once bitten twice shy. I’m staying far away from Tunisian men now and definitely will be very weary about finding love online. x

I know the feeling, but why would he return to Tunisia after getting a visa? It’s very tiring thinking about the past things they said things you guys did they mess with your head! They do just think of their wants . So are you all together in UK ? Yes I do not want to talk to any man on line. But these Guys never give up . Hope you are ok but I know I have often wondered this!