Welcome to TLR

Trying my Best

Plymouthgirl

Inactive
Okay....I'm sorry but I have to say that not one person has been intolerant and yes I really appreciate the support you also give to the forum.

There is no need to 'stand your ground' as nobody has attacked you, not even once

It is your choice if you stay here but perhaps you too need to go back and read your threads to see the support, care and empathy you received we want you to stay but equally we can't force you to but if you do decide to leave, sad as it will be, we will still always be here for you.

We understand you are hurt and angry and yes I agree with @Butterflies that you have been lashing out and jumping on anything negative you can see rather than focusing on all the positive support you have received.

I am so sorry to hear about your parents - that must be so very hard for you.

We all have our stories, our sorrows, our hurt, pain, frustration and fear for the future and sorrow for the past BUT don't let it define you - channel it and please realise you are lashing out at the ones that genuinely are trying to support you and that care deeply about you.

MH x

Please show me where I have ‘lashed-out’, MH................
 

Butterflies

Major Ratslayer
Plymouthgirl each and almost everyone here at the forum are in one way or another affected by these rats. We are trying to support everybody who comes and asks for help. We all have lives outside the forum and I myself appreciate the time everybody here offers to help. And you do the same and respond when somebody needs help. We all understand how hard it is. Everybody has had experiences in life in the past, good or bad. We can only do so much here to offer help as it is all online. I do hope you stay at the forum as in my mind you need it now more then ever. You are hurt and not coping with your feelings due to the rat and not us who only offer you help. Can I ask you Plymouthgirl why you are angry at us? You can PM if you want I am here. Sending you strength and courage xxxx
 

Tigerpants

Major Ratslayer
Hi Plymouthgirl
Butterflies is totally right,I have to agree. We and you are all affected, that's why we are here.
Hate, shame, anger, grief, embarrassment,scorn,love,sadness for similar reasons totally more for some than others.
Some of us have been around the block and back so take all the support and advice you can get from the most highly qualified team.
Girl, I'm still raging that I was on a sure road to getting fleeced to the max both emotionally and financially and I'm not stupid at all.
Stay here and vent to the TLR team :thumbsup: x
 

Scottish Lassie

Major Ratslayer
Lets try to focus on your interests, what kind of things do you enjoy. Art, photography, do you belong to some religious group, perhaps volunteering at shelters, cooking, taking some workshop to keep mind busy in something that brings comfort.... just some ideas.
I think this is excellent advice @Wiser. I found myself writing poetry a lot and I wrote a letter to my rat and burned it. I’ve tried all sorts of “self help” advice. Fortunately I have told my best friend about everything that went on. He even friended her on FB and she, like me, was fooled into believing he was a nice person. Of course he unfriended her when everything ended. It is important to speak to someone...even if at times it is just to yourself. I used to do that to ease the stress and to minimise the chances of falling asleep at night and having seizures simply from dreaming about him. We have to keep our minds otherwise engaged so that our thoughts don’t return to our rat. Easier said than done...but the more we keep ourselves busy and not thinking of them, the more it becomes a habit. He doesn’t pay rent to stay in your head...so evict him. We’ve all had to work through that. We think we will never get over them and there are times when we are weak...but time is a great healer and you will reach the light at the end of the tunnel. Just keep moving forward and don’t look back. You can do it @Plymouthgirl. Sending love across from England. xxx
 

Plymouthgirl

Inactive
I think this is excellent advice @Wiser. I found myself writing poetry a lot and I wrote a letter to my rat and burned it. I’ve tried all sorts of “self help” advice. Fortunately I have told my best friend about everything that went on. He even friended her on FB and she, like me, was fooled into believing he was a nice person. Of course he unfriended her when everything ended. It is important to speak to someone...even if at times it is just to yourself. I used to do that to ease the stress and to minimise the chances of falling asleep at night and having seizures simply from dreaming about him. We have to keep our minds otherwise engaged so that our thoughts don’t return to our rat. Easier said than done...but the more we keep ourselves busy and not thinking of them, the more it becomes a habit. He doesn’t pay rent to stay in your head...so evict him. We’ve all had to work through that. We think we will never get over them and there are times when we are weak...but time is a great healer and you will reach the light at the end of the tunnel. Just keep moving forward and don’t look back. You can do it @Plymouthgirl. Sending love across from England. xxx

Thank you, dear Scottish Lassie for the good advice and words of comfort.............Much appreciated.............From England or Scotland, Scottish Lassie??!!
 

Plymouthgirl

Inactive
Plymouthgirl each and almost everyone here at the forum are in one way or another affected by these rats. We are trying to support everybody who comes and asks for help. We all have lives outside the forum and I myself appreciate the time everybody here offers to help. And you do the same and respond when somebody needs help. We all understand how hard it is. Everybody has had experiences in life in the past, good or bad. We can only do so much here to offer help as it is all online. I do hope you stay at the forum as in my mind you need it now more then ever. You are hurt and not coping with your feelings due to the rat and not us who only offer you help. Can I ask you Plymouthgirl why you are angry at us? You can PM if you want I am here. Sending you strength and courage xxxx

I am not angry with you or others on the site............I just want to deal with things in my own time and if, by chance, I open a new thread saying that I am struggling, I see nothing wrong in that.............I appreciate offers of help, and will accept them in my iwn time..............I don’t want to feel that I am being told that I am being offered help and not accepting it is all, Butterflies.................
 

Butterflies

Major Ratslayer
I am not angry with you or others on the site............I just want to deal with things in my own time and if, by chance, I open a new thread saying that I am struggling, I see nothing wrong in that.............I appreciate offers of help, and will accept them in my iwn time..............I don’t want to feel that I am being told that I am being offered help and not accepting it is all, Butterflies.................
We all are trying to help and not saying you should do one way or another but sometimes it is frustrating we can only do so much here at the forum. It is heartbreaking to see another woman like you falling to a depression caused by these rats.
 

Plymouthgirl

Inactive
We all are trying to help and not saying you should do one way or another but sometimes it is frustrating we can only do so much here at the forum. It is heartbreaking to see another woman like you falling to a depression caused by these rats.

No need to be frustrated, Butterflies.............I wish to God that I’d never posted the thread now.............Everyone deals with things their own way, OK??
 

Butterflies

Major Ratslayer
No need to be frustrated, Butterflies.............I wish to God that I’d never posted the thread now.............Everyone deals with things their own way, OK??
I have no problem with the thread Plymouthgirl it is how you feel and you shouldn't ignore that as it is a normal reaction. It is true that everybody deals with problems or sadness in a different way. As we all are from different background and different country's there can be mistakes when answers are misunderstood due to another language. But our intentions are just to help and support you Plymouthgirl xx
 

MH007

Administrator
Staff member
No need to be frustrated, Butterflies.............I wish to God that I’d never posted the thread now.............Everyone deals with things their own way, OK??
We understand you are hurting but @Butterflies is doing her best to support you - please stop being so defensive and channel that anger towards your rat......not the ones trying to help you.

It is great that you can vent and it's healthy but please don't vent at the members supporting you.

If you want to vent at anyone then shout at me :thumbsup:

Hugs

MH x
 

Plymouthgirl

Inactive
I have no problem with the thread Plymouthgirl it is how you feel and you shouldn't ignore that as it is a normal reaction. It is true that everybody deals with problems or sadness in a different way. As we all are from different background and different country's there can be mistakes when answers are misunderstood due to another language. But our intentions are just to help and support you Plymouthgirl xx

But to be honest, Butterflies, I wasn’t asking whether you had a problem with the thread!!! It’s not all directed towards you, you see?? Or anyone in particular..............I am just stating my own thoughts...............As for the rest of what you say, OK, point taken................But again, you don’t really need to be the ‘spokesperson’ fior everyone, Butterflies..................Do you??
 

Butterflies

Major Ratslayer
But to be honest, Butterflies, I wasn’t asking whether you had a problem with the thread!!! It’s not all directed towards you, you see?? Or anyone in particular..............I am just stating my own thoughts...............As for the rest of what you say, OK, point taken................But again, you don’t really need to be the ‘spokesperson’ fior everyone, Butterflies..................Do you??
I don't feel that I am the "spokesperson"? Just trying to help that is all. I will leave it with that Plymouthgirl I wish you all the best xxx
 

MH007

Administrator
Staff member
But to be honest, Butterflies, I wasn’t asking whether you had a problem with the thread!!! It’s not all directed towards you, you see?? Or anyone in particular..............I am just stating my own thoughts...............As for the rest of what you say, OK, point taken................But again, you don’t really need to be the ‘spokesperson’ fior everyone, Butterflies..................Do you??
I might get lynched for this BUT enough is enough @Plymouthgirl - I have asked you to stop going for @Butterflies - we understand you are hurt but so is Butterflies and all the other ladies going out of their way to support you and show that you are not alone, that we are here for you.

@Butterflies wasn't being the 'spokesperson' at all - we can all speak for ourselves, what Butterflies was doing was trying to help you, trying to empathise with you, trying to be a friend to you and listening to you.

You are very much welcome here and I would hate for you to leave as we ALL want to support you but this defensive attack is unnecessary and extremely hurtful and much as you need protection and support so do the other members.

You do need help and I mean that in the nicest possible way as you seem to be on self destruct now - yes you need to do it in your own time and when you are ready but please listen to us, let us help you to help yourself.

Hugs

MH x
 

Wiser

Major Ratslayer
But to be honest, Butterflies, I wasn’t asking whether you had a problem with the thread!!! It’s not all directed towards you, you see?? Or anyone in particular..............I am just stating my own thoughts...............As for the rest of what you say, OK, point taken................But again, you don’t really need to be the ‘spokesperson’ fior everyone, Butterflies..................Do you??
Do you talk this way to the rat or only towards kind people?
 

Tinker-lulu

Major Ratslayer
Sometimes when I’m hurt I just want to hear what I want to hear... if you can understand what I mean, when ppl don’t say what I want to hear no matter how well meaning they are it’s not good enough, this is what feeling angry does for me however the reaction will differ from person to person.
 

Butterflies

Major Ratslayer
Sometimes when I’m hurt I just want to hear what I want to hear... if you can understand what I mean, when ppl don’t say what I want to hear no matter how well meaning they are it’s not good enough, this is what feeling angry does for me however the reaction will differ from person to person.
I understand what you mean Tinker_lulu. It is the heartache that rules over your mind. We all react in a different way. There is no right or wrong in how to react. You have a connection to somebody or not. But the blame is on the rats who cause the damage to the woman. And there is the difference in languages on this site that doesn't make it easy sometimes to express yourself.
 

Tinker-lulu

Major Ratslayer
I understand what you mean Tinker_lulu. It is the heartache that rules over your mind. We all react in a different way. There is no right or wrong in how to react. You have a connection to somebody or not. But the blame is on the rats who cause the damage to the woman. And there is the difference in languages on this site that doesn't make it easy sometimes to express yourself.
@Butterflies indeed, tolerance and understanding are good tools to use when things get out of hand x ps: you responded well xxx
 
Plymouth I really do think your focusing your anger towards members and butterflies in particular
I can understand how frustrating it must be for you that members are trying to push you in one direction while at the moment you don't want too
But you must realise it's hard for members too to watch a person suffer without trying to nudge them in the right direction
You know as well as us you are not in a good place mentally
We are not trying to force but give you a nudge
 

Plymouthgirl

Inactive
Plymouth I really do think your focusing your anger towards members and butterflies in particular
I can understand how frustrating it must be for you that members are trying to push you in one direction while at the moment you don't want too
But you must realise it's hard for members too to watch a person suffer without trying to nudge them in the right direction
You know as well as us you are not in a good place mentally
We are not trying to force but give you a nudge

Appreciate that, GFTL...............
 

Plymouthgirl

Inactive
I might get lynched for this BUT enough is enough @Plymouthgirl - I have asked you to stop going for @Butterflies - we understand you are hurt but so is Butterflies and all the other ladies going out of their way to support you and show that you are not alone, that we are here for you.

@Butterflies wasn't being the 'spokesperson' at all - we can all speak for ourselves, what Butterflies was doing was trying to help you, trying to empathise with you, trying to be a friend to you and listening to you.

You are very much welcome here and I would hate for you to leave as we ALL want to support you but this defensive attack is unnecessary and extremely hurtful and much as you need protection and support so do the other members.

You do need help and I mean that in the nicest possible way as you seem to be on self destruct now - yes you need to do it in your own time and when you are ready but please listen to us, let us help you to help yourself.

Hugs

MH x

I appreciate ALL offers of help, MH.............But, I’m sorry, and I really don’t want to cause offence to anyone, but I don’t like what I see as being ‘patronised’, whether it’s meant that way or not..............Sorry, I can only go by my own instinct on such things............. I’ve no doubt that there was sincerity in what was said, but I want to feel comfortable when I read those comments, is all............
 

MH007

Administrator
Staff member
I appreciate ALL offers of help, MH.............But, I’m sorry, and I really don’t want to cause offence to anyone, but I don’t like what I see as being ‘patronised’, whether it’s meant that way or not..............Sorry, I can only go by my own instinct on such things............. I’ve no doubt that there was sincerity in what was said, but I want to feel comfortable when I read those comments, is all............
I'm far from patronising you but I wish you well and I am sorry that our comments were uncomfortable.

MH x
 

Plymouthgirl

Inactive
I'm far from patronising you but I wish you well and I am sorry that our comments were uncomfortable.

MH x

In case of doubt, especially to Tigerpants, I am not an aggressive person at all, quite the opposite, in fact.............I am in shock and traumatised, sleep-deprived, and feeling as far from my ‘normal self’ as is possible, but it doesn’t take away from my right to soeak my feelings.............I do thank you for your well-wishes and apology..............Much appreciated, MH..............
 

Starlight

Major Ratslayer
Keep in mind that many of us are still recovering from our rats as well. We are giving you all we have, even in the midst of our pain. While I am sorry you are feeling this way, it’s not fair to get defensive because we are all trying to get you the help you need. You asked for more and we are more than willing to help you, but each time we provide a solution, you have a rebuttal for that solution. Unfortunately, we cannot help you if you don’t take the necessary steps to help yourself. We all have to go through the 5 stages of grief of losing people we thought loved us in order to heal and some of us have not gone through all the stages ourselves, but we are trying. At the same time we are also trying to help you.

Based on your statements, you may need to seek professional help and it is beyond the scope of help we may be able to provide at this time. While we love to have you here, we will continue to support you as much as we can, but it may be time for you to consider talking to a professional. :)

Are you in any contact with the rat at all?
I think sometimes the anger rages when the rat continues to contact you and no matter what you do they still come back and find u
Its anger and rage with unhappiness that will satisfy the rats then hes done his days work .
So when he calls say im sorry im on my way out I have a date then hang up,that will enrage him but think what he did to you.
Its was money simple as nothing else sorry but that's the truth about these rats .
I went through hell too and the only way I got through it was with these wonderful women at tlr letting me rant and kick off steam ,thank you so much
But you have wounds cut deep let them heal and never open tne wounds again your war is over and your peace can now begin big hugs xxxxx
 
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