Same here, the trust in relationships has gone too!
I never seen a balanced person in my rat, he was either off the wall angry or flying high on emotions.
I did love him but I could only stand so much of his inconsistency, lies and deception after awhile love dies a slow death.
I am not a door mat or a punching bag, and my patience ran out after his messing about, in and out of my life.
Just think I had members of my family die during this time, he was incapable of understanding anything.
And the rat did not know but my father told me not to go and see the rat, and his intuition was spot on.
And my father died after that, I never got to speak to him before he died !
I feel so bad for that

Why I remember that it was a dark time and it is my father's birthday today.
At the same time the rat was asking for money when I was burying my father and it was
a disgraceful thing to do, there was a separation after that for a long time.
So I also looked after and cared about these family members because there was no one else.
So I can relate to a woman committing suicide after recognizing the abuse.
When I look at my sons and think how blessed I am, the rat is so not worth it!