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Why do I torture myself?

shygurl72

Major Ratslayer
Ok, so this isn't my first rodeo.... but here goes.... so I frequent a dating site mostly out of boredom but sometimes just to take out my aggravation out on men looking for polygamist relationships.... so this random guy pops up.... and he's my type....tall, very tall.... dark and attractive.... he's 40ish.... divorced.. with one child....we talk..he's an engineer working in Arab country.... he's got a nice job.... I searched him up on Facebook and nothing is hidden....he has lots of friends and they seem to have the utmost respect for him.....no women on his list of friends... also he pays to be on this dating website.... so he's not one of those that sends you the 3 letter message asking for your whatsapp lol.....so he is going home for vacation and he has asked me to come .... he is paying for the ticket and the accommodations.... he said he will pay for everything.....also I should say he's not said one sexual thing to me.... he tells me about his family.... he preps his meals and sends me pics....I asked him why not find someone in your own country but he says he has tried there and also where he is now but the only women he has encountered are looking for money or sex..... so ladies ....tell me what you think... be brutal I don't care.... I need to here it all....I like him....
 

SouthernGirl

Major Ratslayer
First, I thought it looked too good to be true, then the way he talks about women -in his country, they look only for money or sex.. yeah right- makes him sound like a misogynist. Is it realistic to think that all women in a country are bad? Only jerks make that kind of statements. Not a good sign. I’d drop him, @shygurl72.
 

shygurl72

Major Ratslayer
First, I thought it looked too good to be true, then the way he talks about women -in his country, they look only for money or sex.. yeah right- makes him sound like a misogynist. Is it realistic to think that all women in a country are bad? Only jerks make that kind of statements. Not a good sign. I’d drop him, @shygurl72.
I wonder if there are any decent men out there.... I think sometimes I'm in love with idea of being in love..... nothing seems real anymore.....
 

confuseddotcom

Major Ratslayer
Yeah what he said about women either wanting money or sex sounds like bs.... what guy isn’t going to turn that down. Sounds like projection and it also makes him sound cheap. Still, to me the main risk is travelling to see him and being at his mercy of something goes wrong. It’s good to have a plan B and your own emergency fund if it doesn’t work out. You don’t know him and he could be a jerk. There are good men out there but most men will try it on, you just need to get to a point where you can set boundaries
 

Butterflies

Major Ratslayer
Ok, so this isn't my first rodeo.... but here goes.... so I frequent a dating site mostly out of boredom but sometimes just to take out my aggravation out on men looking for polygamist relationships.... so this random guy pops up.... and he's my type....tall, very tall.... dark and attractive.... he's 40ish.... divorced.. with one child....we talk..he's an engineer working in Arab country.... he's got a nice job.... I searched him up on Facebook and nothing is hidden....he has lots of friends and they seem to have the utmost respect for him.....no women on his list of friends... also he pays to be on this dating website.... so he's not one of those that sends you the 3 letter message asking for your whatsapp lol.....so he is going home for vacation and he has asked me to come .... he is paying for the ticket and the accommodations.... he said he will pay for everything.....also I should say he's not said one sexual thing to me.... he tells me about his family.... he preps his meals and sends me pics....I asked him why not find someone in your own country but he says he has tried there and also where he is now but the only women he has encountered are looking for money or sex..... so ladies ....tell me what you think... be brutal I don't care.... I need to here it all....I like him....
He is in his 40ish divorced and has a child. Who was his wife a tunisian woman or a foreign lady? I assume he is tunisian? The bs of women want only money and sex we heard it all before. If he is such a catch(good job, good-looking) why is he single then I asume lots of women click on his dating profile ? Oh wait he doesn't want a women from his country or where he works because they want sex and money and not a relationship. I would be careful and ask more before you decide to meet him. When it looks to good to be true it probably is. The fact is a marriage or relationship is hard work it's not like in the movies and along the way sometimes you get hurt.
 

Tinker-lulu

Major Ratslayer
Ok, so this isn't my first rodeo.... but here goes.... so I frequent a dating site mostly out of boredom but sometimes just to take out my aggravation out on men looking for polygamist relationships.... so this random guy pops up.... and he's my type....tall, very tall.... dark and attractive.... he's 40ish.... divorced.. with one child....we talk..he's an engineer working in Arab country.... he's got a nice job.... I searched him up on Facebook and nothing is hidden....he has lots of friends and they seem to have the utmost respect for him.....no women on his list of friends... also he pays to be on this dating website.... so he's not one of those that sends you the 3 letter message asking for your whatsapp lol.....so he is going home for vacation and he has asked me to come .... he is paying for the ticket and the accommodations.... he said he will pay for everything.....also I should say he's not said one sexual thing to me.... he tells me about his family.... he preps his meals and sends me pics....I asked him why not find someone in your own country but he says he has tried there and also where he is now but the only women he has encountered are looking for money or sex..... so ladies ....tell me what you think... be brutal I don't care.... I need to here it all....I like him....
It seems to me shygurl72 that he wants a foreign mistress, as far as possible from his country so he can keep it a secret!
So basically HE WANTS HIS CAKE AND EAT IT lol.
Are you prepared to be his secret “mistress”?
Maybe his secret “bank account “?
Marry men NEVER LEAVE THEIR WIVES!
This is a very Transparent case.
Be smarted than him and don’t let him treat you like a Puppet!!

One point I always remember..... “WHAT YOU ALLOW WILL CONTINUE “
 

Croydon girl

Major Ratslayer
Ok, so this isn't my first rodeo.... but here goes.... so I frequent a dating site mostly out of boredom but sometimes just to take out my aggravation out on men looking for polygamist relationships.... so this random guy pops up.... and he's my type....tall, very tall.... dark and attractive.... he's 40ish.... divorced.. with one child....we talk..he's an engineer working in Arab country.... he's got a nice job.... I searched him up on Facebook and nothing is hidden....he has lots of friends and they seem to have the utmost respect for him.....no women on his list of friends... also he pays to be on this dating website.... so he's not one of those that sends you the 3 letter message asking for your whatsapp lol.....so he is going home for vacation and he has asked me to come .... he is paying for the ticket and the accommodations.... he said he will pay for everything.....also I should say he's not said one sexual thing to me.... he tells me about his family.... he preps his meals and sends me pics....I asked him why not find someone in your own country but he says he has tried there and also where he is now but the only women he has encountered are looking for money or sex..... so ladies ....tell me what you think... be brutal I don't care.... I need to here it all....I like him....
You say he is working in an Arab country, what country is that? And what country is he from?
 

Sabrina

Major Ratslayer
Ok, so this isn't my first rodeo.... but here goes.... so I frequent a dating site mostly out of boredom but sometimes just to take out my aggravation out on men looking for polygamist relationships.... so this random guy pops up.... and he's my type....tall, very tall.... dark and attractive.... he's 40ish.... divorced.. with one child....we talk..he's an engineer working in Arab country.... he's got a nice job.... I searched him up on Facebook and nothing is hidden....he has lots of friends and they seem to have the utmost respect for him.....no women on his list of friends... also he pays to be on this dating website.... so he's not one of those that sends you the 3 letter message asking for your whatsapp lol.....so he is going home for vacation and he has asked me to come .... he is paying for the ticket and the accommodations.... he said he will pay for everything.....also I should say he's not said one sexual thing to me.... he tells me about his family.... he preps his meals and sends me pics....I asked him why not find someone in your own country but he says he has tried there and also where he is now but the only women he has encountered are looking for money or sex..... so ladies ....tell me what you think... be brutal I don't care.... I need to here it all....I like him....
NO WAY!!!! You fell for this kinda guy once only you had to foot the expense! This does just sound to good to be true and how long you been talking? And he’s already talking about you coming to visit???? It would be different if you were meeting in the same country for a drink ie: your country!!! Nah I think I would swipe the other way! You know guys hide what they don’t want you to see, BS
 

yougogirl75

Major Ratslayer
Ok, so this isn't my first rodeo.... but here goes.... so I frequent a dating site mostly out of boredom but sometimes just to take out my aggravation out on men looking for polygamist relationships.... so this random guy pops up.... and he's my type....tall, very tall.... dark and attractive.... he's 40ish.... divorced.. with one child....we talk..he's an engineer working in Arab country.... he's got a nice job.... I searched him up on Facebook and nothing is hidden....he has lots of friends and they seem to have the utmost respect for him.....no women on his list of friends... also he pays to be on this dating website.... so he's not one of those that sends you the 3 letter message asking for your whatsapp lol.....so he is going home for vacation and he has asked me to come .... he is paying for the ticket and the accommodations.... he said he will pay for everything.....also I should say he's not said one sexual thing to me.... he tells me about his family.... he preps his meals and sends me pics....I asked him why not find someone in your own country but he says he has tried there and also where he is now but the only women he has encountered are looking for money or sex..... so ladies ....tell me what you think... be brutal I don't care.... I need to here it all....I like him....
Seems to good to be true, and not what it seems.
If you want to find someone on a dating site, why not closer to where you live?
At least if it falls through you can control the situation.
Of course he says he will pay for everything he is not really going to tell you his real intentions
because that would give away his real intentions.
Why is this one an exception?
Of course he could have changed his profile and friends to make it look good before he messaged you.
It's the unknown and I care enough about you to say there something not quite right about this one.
You will never know, better to be safe than sorry
Just cut your ties with him, if he were all he says he is wouldn't he be able to find a woman where he is?
 
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yougogirl75

Major Ratslayer
Ok, so this isn't my first rodeo.... but here goes.... so I frequent a dating site mostly out of boredom but sometimes just to take out my aggravation out on men looking for polygamist relationships.... so this random guy pops up.... and he's my type....tall, very tall.... dark and attractive.... he's 40ish.... divorced.. with one child....we talk..he's an engineer working in Arab country.... he's got a nice job.... I searched him up on Facebook and nothing is hidden....he has lots of friends and they seem to have the utmost respect for him.....no women on his list of friends... also he pays to be on this dating website.... so he's not one of those that sends you the 3 letter message asking for your whatsapp lol.....so he is going home for vacation and he has asked me to come .... he is paying for the ticket and the accommodations.... he said he will pay for everything.....also I should say he's not said one sexual thing to me.... he tells me about his family.... he preps his meals and sends me pics....I asked him why not find someone in your own country but he says he has tried there and also where he is now but the only women he has encountered are looking for money or sex..... so ladies ....tell me what you think... be brutal I don't care.... I need to here it all....I like him....
Another question and I am not judging you by any means.
You had stated that you go on a dating site out of boredom, and to just take your aggravation out on men looking for polygamist relationships.
Well who says this Arab knight in shining armor is not in a polygamist relationship?
Why aggravate these kind of men?
If the Arab knight in shining armor is genuine he will find a way to visit you!!
Anyone can say "I am an engineer in Gulf country" may turn out he is driving instructor or garbage man.
Sorry you said to be blunt.
Haven't you had enough from your prior relationship with a rat?
Just live your life and that is revenge enough for the rat you had!
 

shygurl72

Major Ratslayer
Thanks ladies, you all are so rjght..... last night I watched the video of the 81 year old woman with the 36 year old Egyptian toyboy from Egypt.... made me sad..... and the guy says he's an engineer too....a welding engineer lol like what the hell is that...oh well... the guy I'm speaking to says he has been busy trying take the best of his life...working hard and trying to make a better life for himself..... maybe he is married .... I hate polygamy and I would never agree to that kind of relationship.... He is leaving for Hajj on Sunday....he said he would send me pictures.... The crazy thing was I never visited these dating websites before I only did it to look for my rat..... he was such a bastard.... I always thought I would find him on there..... To answer some of your questions.... he is Egyptian...he has traveled to Europe for work...but he said his goal is to open buisness in his own country which is Egypt..... and his post on Facebook are all religious.... and there are post all the way back to 2016..... who knows.... his ex wife is Egyptian.... and he has asked me what certain things mean like lol.... I don't think he has alot of experience chatting online with women......but who knows.....anyway maybe I just needed someone to remind me that these men have no conscious.....so thanks ladies....
 

Aisha1

Major Ratslayer
Another question and I am not judging you by any means.
You had stated that you go on a dating site out of boredom, and to just take your aggravation out on men looking for polygamist relationships.
Well who says this Arab knight in shining armor is not in a polygamist relationship?
Why aggravate these kind of men?
If the Arab knight in shining armor is genuine he will find a way to visit you!!
Anyone can say "I am an engineer in Gulf country" may turn out he is driving instructor or garbage man.
Sorry you said to be blunt.
Haven't you had enough from your prior relationship with a rat?
Just live your life and that is revenge enough for the rat you had!
I’m assuming he is Tunisian, if so he has to be a professional of sort or business owner in order to get the visa to go work and live in Qatar. However still be careful, I know many many men working in Qatar, Dubai and Saudi, sending money home to their Tunisian wife.
 

shygurl72

Major Ratslayer
Another question and I am not judging you by any means.
You had stated that you go on a dating site out of boredom, and to just take your aggravation out on men looking for polygamist relationships.
Well who says this Arab knight in shining armor is not in a polygamist relationship?
Why aggravate these kind of men?
If the Arab knight in shining armor is genuine he will find a way to visit you!!
Anyone can say "I am an engineer in Gulf country" may turn out he is driving instructor or garbage man.
Sorry you said to be blunt.
Haven't you had enough from your prior relationship with a rat?
Just live your life and that is revenge enough for the rat you had!
You are right .... leave revenge in God's hands.... and I have seen him at work both on video chat and in pictures.... he is an engineer.... but maybe as the other ladies have said he could be married....... but I will let it go ....
 

Aisha1

Major Ratslayer
I’m assuming he is Tunisian, if so he has to be a professional of sort or business owner in order to get the visa to go work and live in Qatar. However still be careful, I know many many men working in Qatar, Dubai and Saudi, sending money home to their Tunisian wife.
Sorry, not Tunisian… Egyptian. Same thing, they don’t just say “ I want to work in Middle East or Europe” and boom it’s done…. They need to have education, specific profession.
 

Aisha1

Major Ratslayer
He is making the pilgrimage to hajj I truly can’t imagine he has ill will towards you and he doesn’t need you financially. I’d just be worried about the already married issue. And even if he want more than one wife… it allowed in Islam, but the government should approve he can buy all wives equal goods( home, car, jewelry…) and the first wife must approve it.
 

shygurl72

Major Ratslayer
I’m assuming he is Tunisian, if so he has to be a professional of sort or business owner in order to get the visa to go work and live in Qatar. However still be careful, I know many many men working in Qatar, Dubai and Saudi, sending money home to their Tunisian wife.

Sorry, not Tunisian… Egyptian. Same thing, they don’t just say “ I want to work in Middle East or Europe” and boom it’s done…. They need to have education,

He is making the pilgrimage to hajj I truly can’t imagine he has ill will towards you and he doesn’t need you financially. I’d just be worried about the already married issue. And even if he want more than one wife… it allowed in Islam, but the government should approve he can buy all wives equal goods( home, car, jewelry…) and the first wife must approve it.
I thought about this to Aisha1.... we have talked about polygamy... he said he could have done this with his first wife but he chose to divorce instead.....and I thought to how can you go for Hajj and be lying to me.... but who knows.... if everything he says is true ....he is the diamond in the ruff.....
 

yougogirl75

Major Ratslayer
You are right .... leave revenge in God's hands.... and I have seen him at work both on video chat and in pictures.... he is an engineer.... but maybe as the other ladies have said he could be married....... but I will let it go ....
Yes, when the rats see you living your life and successful that is revenge enough!
Well so he is engineer, well I know of Egyptian men and they can be married to more than one woman.
I don't know but it seems like its too good to be true.
And they come off very sweet, wanting to look after you but trust me it would be so complicated.
 

shygurl72

Major Ratslayer
Yes, when the rats see you living your life and successful that is revenge enough!
Well so he is engineer, well I know of Egyptian men and they can be married to more than one woman.
I don't know but it seems like its too good to be true.
And they come off very sweet, wanting to look after you but trust me it would be so complicated.
Thanks for your advice....
 

yougogirl75

Major Ratslayer
I thought about this to Aisha1.... we have talked about polygamy... he said he could have done this with his first wife but he chose to divorce instead.....and I thought to how can you go for Hajj and be lying to me.... but who knows.... if everything he says is true ....he is the diamond in the ruff.....
If he is a diamond in the ruff as you say, wouldn't his family in Egypt already have women lined up for a chance to marry this exceptional man.
And he said women want money and sex?
I don't know but that to me is a red flag.
You are free to choose as you want in your life, just hope you give yourself a chance to know him and not get pressured into
marrying him.
 

SouthernGirl

Major Ratslayer
I wonder if there are any decent men out there.... I think sometimes I'm in love with idea of being in love..... nothing seems real anymore.....
All my single friends who were on dating sites said the same as you, Shygurl72 : that there aren’t many decent men out there. There are still some good men but this one, I doubt he is. He looks like just another player, cheater.. or maybe a scammer too. not good.

Did you say he asked you what “LOL” means? Are you kidding me? The guy is trying too hard to look so innocent. “Lol” is universal. Everyfreakinbody in the world knows what it means.

The fact he prepares his meals is not that impressive and doesn’t mean he’s a good man. Some jerks can cook. Could be also just what he says and it was in fact cooked by someone else or be from room service..
it’s not normal at his age and being in this line of work not to have any women acquaintances. friends in his FB list. Everyone at this age have contacts of both genders. Again, trying a bit too hard to look so good. In worst case, he should at least have female relatives in his list of friends.

But the biggest red flag was what he said about all the women he met online. Reminds me of the ones who say that all their exes are crazy. It’s never them the problem, always women. Be wary of a man who says despising things about women. I would not go visit this man, even if he pays (which still remains to be seen.) He may not pay and even if he did, I wouldn’t be comfortable. If he pays, he’ll think you’ll owe him when you’re there, that you should sleep with him etc.. Being in a strange country and alone with a stranger is not a safe situation. You’d be at his complete mercy if he turned to be a psycho (we never know)
Anyway, psycho, crazy or not, I think he’s all BS.
 
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Aisha1

Major Ratslayer
I thought about this to Aisha1.... we have talked about polygamy... he said he could have done this with his first wife but he chose to divorce instead.....and I thought to how can you go for Hajj and be lying to me.... but who knows.... if everything he says is true ....he is the diamond in the ruff.....
Ya know anything is possible when it comes to people, but someone that respects his religion to make pilgrimage shouldn’t lie, it’s a pillar of our religion… why lie and out that sin on your soul? But like I said… who knows people now a days.. just be smart and cautious, honestly sounds a little strange.
 

Aisha1

Major Ratslayer
If he is a diamond in the ruff as you say, wouldn't his family in Egypt already have women lined up for a chance to marry this exceptional man.
And he said women want money and sex?
I don't know but that to me is a red flag.
You are free to choose as you want in your life, just hope you give yourself a chance to know him and not get pressured into
marrying him.
Did you mention awhile back you started dating again and the man is Egyptian? If I’m remembering right maybe you have more insight on that region and customs. I know a handful of Egyptians, not enough to advise someone.
 

shygurl72

Major Ratslayer
"The fact he prepares his own meals is not impressive " oh friend that made me laugh.... I have seen him on video chat while he is working.... and this I'm sure he's not lying about .. I think what I fear is that he is just looking for a good time..... but what if we never trust anyone....then what ? I don't want to be alone the rest of my life because I made the mistake of trusting a rat..... one thing he says is that nothing in relationships has worked for him in the past but he must keep trying..... and I think the same thing for myself.... I must keep moving forward and I ask God everyday just to keep the right people in my life and to keep me on the straight and narrow.... I leave everything in Gods hands.... but I just try not to repeat my mistakes....
 

yougogirl75

Major Ratslayer
All my single friends who were on dating sites said the same as you, Shygurl72 : that there aren’t many men decent out there. There are still some good men but this one, I doubt he is. Have you talked on video? I say that because of « the engineer in Qatar” thing. Could it be a Nigerian scammer? They can have lots of friends (fake profiles too) on their profile.
Or if not a Nigerian scammer, he may just be a liar, player, cheater.,, As someone else says, he could have another job.. I’d quizz him on his job.

The fact he prepares his meals is not that impressive and doesn’t mean he’s a good man. Some jerks can cook. Could be also just what he says when it was cooked by someone else or from room service.. it’s not normal at his age and being in this line of work not to have any women acquaintances. friends in his FB list. Everyone at this age have contacts of both genders. What about female relatives. That sounds fake. The guy is trying too hard to look like he’s so good.
But the biggest red flag was what he said about all the women he met online. Reminds me of the ones who say that all their exes were crazy. It’s never them the problem, always women. Be wary of a man who says despising things about women. I would not go visit this man, even if he pays (which still remains to be seen . ) He may not pay and even if he did, I wouldn’t be comfortable. If he pays, he’ll think you’ll owe him when you’re there., that you should sleep with him etc.. He’s all BS I think
You made a good point about Facebook, he can also change the settings so certain comments or friends are not seen.
yes, female relatives should be there for sure and why wouldn't he want them there to see his new love interest.
Sounds like its all prefabricated by hey what do I know?
Yes, if the man pays he will expect something in return, this is just the way men are.
 

yougogirl75

Major Ratslayer
Did you mention awhile back you started dating again and the man is Egyptian? If I’m remembering right maybe you have more insight on that region and customs. I know a handful of Egyptians, not enough to advise someone.
Ok but this man is in my city, but I never dated him because I sensed he was a player.
I was going to date him but my rat sensors and intuition came in.
Well you know all the sweet words just nothing seemed right about him.
Yes I have been to Egypt enough to know about the region and customs.
Ok don't judge but I was married to an Egyptian man here a long time ago and he passed away from cancer at 46.
and yes I can advise someone that it is not easy to assimilate.
Egypt is quite conservative and again that is my point of view.
Now I am dating a Canadian man and its going very good now.
 

Aisha1

Major Ratslayer
Ok but this man is in my city, but I never dated him because I sensed he was a player.
I was going to date him but my rat sensors and intuition came in.
Well you know all the sweet words just nothing seemed right about him.
Yes I have been to Egypt enough to know about the region and customs.
Ok don't judge but I was married to an Egyptian man here a long time ago and he passed away from cancer at 46.
and yes I can advise someone that it is not easy to assimilate.
Egypt is quite conservative and again that is my point of view.
Now I am dating a Canadian man and its going very good now.
Hhh.. rat sensors. No judgement, as we have a saying, not one fingerprint is the same. So sorry to hear about your late husband.
 
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