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Why do married Tunisian men have relationships with European women?

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Cita

Guest
The men .. er rats.. are good at their games AND the women probably watch too many romance movies lol
Nonsense... this is real life believe me!! this is organised "bezness" and /OR organised crime.. which made me do what I did and will continue my campaign.
 
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Ladygaga

Guest
Sorry but i dont think we should love ourselves more than anything else .... I think we should do what our heart tells us to do and if it goes Melons up take it on the chin .....people that are so into themselves that can not give love freely are sad people , as they say its better to have loved and lost ,


and that is from my own experience .. And i dont ever regret anything ( well only the w p )
 
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Cita

Guest
I think the rats definitely pick up on vulnerability and the women, in many cases, don't want to see the truth. Some of the "rats" are just opportunists at the beginning and then get egged on by "friends" and change. Others are not rats at all but the relationships just are not right (just as the European ones don't always work) and they still get tarred with the rat brush but the full blown rat is in it for the long term, doesn't care who s/he hurts and will do anything to get what s/he wants. Some are so glib and charming that even the most clued up woman can be taken in by their lies and if these woman are particularly vulnerable as well then......

I really believe that this site is invaluable for support and awareness and if one is forwarned one is forarmed. Not all Tunisian men are rats, not all the things that appear to be ratty behaviour are BUT if there are a number of things that start to come together then the alarm bells should be ringing, the rose coloured glasses should be stamped on and broken and ladies....RUN!!!!
I now believe and understand these men are proffesional 'con' men... organised crime for the most part which is ignored or engouraged by the hotel chains they work for, as I have said in another response stop blaming ourselves, these men are predators and I will do anything and everything without any fear or blame from anyone... we need to stop these crimes.
 
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Cita

Guest
Sorry but i dont think we should love ourselves more than anything else .... I think we should do what our heart tells us to do and if it goes Melons up take it on the chin .....people that are so into themselves that can not give love freely are sad people , as they say its better to have loved and lost ,


and that is from my own experience .. And i dont ever regret anything ( well only the w p )
Yes I agree totally...my motto better to have loved and lost.....but to have been in a fake love relationship... whole different story!!
 
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tunisblue

Guest
Many thanks for your interesting insight. Yes I agree it could be a combination of all of the above. I hope deep in my heart his wife knew nothing and would be shocked, but somehow now I have my doubts?? Good to hear this is not accepted in Tunisian culture...beginning to think it was.

Yes it's good I found out now, as hard as it is to accept.(f)
what could she do anyways? its not the same here as in the UK or States, the wife is a failure, a disgrace and used.. she would be made fun of and never get married again, men would not even look at her. and chances are she did not know, tunisian men spend 99 % of their time outside the house. there are cheating scum in every country and culture.
 

Tunisianbelle

'Don't call me Darling!' Mod
the wife is a failure, a disgrace and used.. she would be made fun of and never get married again, men would not even look at her.
That may certainly be true in some cases - but not everywhere. I know plenty of Tunisian women who are divorced and remarried. It is a much more common occurrence here now and most people do not even bat an eye when it happens.
 
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Cita

Guest
what could she do anyways? its not the same here as in the UK or States, the wife is a failure, a disgrace and used.. she would be made fun of and never get married again, men would not even look at her. and chances are she did not know, tunisian men spend 99 % of their time outside the house. there are cheating scum in every country and culture.
Thanks tunisblue...I know this now and am "almost" convinced she never knew anything and still doesn't as he goes about his bezness...which makes me all the more pleased the bastard lost his job at a "reputable" hotel. I have info he has another job now, although he is angry about losing his job (I wonder why) at the "reputable" hotel. I have been informed by him that there will be a "bad surprise" for me when I return to Tunisia!!?? whatever that means. Is that a threat?!:mad:
 
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Cita

Guest
That may certainly be true in some cases - but not everywhere. I know plenty of Tunisian women who are divorced and remarried. It is a much more common occurrence here now and most people do not even bat an eye when it happens.
Many thanks Tunisianbelle...but when you say "plenty" how many? the reason I ask is that my ex rat insisted that it was only a matter of time and money to divorce his wife (this was my belief all along), however as most of you know now I have since found out and revealed to all that he was all along living with her with 2 kids etc..... but seriously is this a fairly common occurence?
 

Tunisianbelle

'Don't call me Darling!' Mod
Many thanks Tunisianbelle...but when you say "plenty" how many? the reason I ask is that my ex rat insisted that it was only a matter of time and money to divorce his wife (this was my belief all along), however as most of you know now I have since found out and revealed to all that he was all along living with her with 2 kids etc..... but seriously is this a fairly common occurence?
I can name at least 13 cases off the top of my head. If I had to actually dig into peoples lives around here and question them, I'm sure I would be able to find more.

Any man that says he is just staying with the wife because of time and money is lying. End of. If a man wants to divorce his wife, he will find a way. A divorce isn't that expensive here either unless they were rich, are each using high priced lawyers, fighting over houses, cars, kids, maintenance, etc. My cleaning lady got a divorce from her husband and I believe it only cost her around 200TND.
 
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Cita

Guest
I can name at least 13 cases off the top of my head. If I had to actually dig into peoples lives around here and question them, I'm sure I would be able to find more.

Any man that says he is just staying with the wife because of time and money is lying. End of. If a man wants to divorce his wife, he will find a way. A divorce isn't that expensive here either unless they were rich, are each using high priced lawyers, fighting over houses, cars, kids, maintenance, etc. My cleaning lady got a divorce from her husband and I believe it only cost her around 200TND.
OMG ok ...just as I suspected...he quoted something like £3,000, which I never really believed but you have just confirmed all my suspicions, even though it is all over with him I still question myself and him sometimes ?!!! what a liar he is.
 

Tunisianbelle

'Don't call me Darling!' Mod
Tomorrow I'll ask my cleaning lady for sure how much the divorce cost and I'll let you know. I can tell you with certainty that my cleaning lady is not rich. She has 4 children, and pays for everything herself. She certainly would not have had the money to pay £3,000.
 
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Cita

Guest
Tomorrow I'll ask my cleaning lady for sure how much the divorce cost and I'll let you know. I can tell you with certainty that my cleaning lady is not rich. She has 4 children, and pays for everything herself. She certainly would not have had the money to pay £3,000.
Wow..this guy has always insisted he pays the 'estranged' wife and child ( of which I now know are 2 children) approx 170 dinars per month...waiting to afford the divorce!
 

Tunisianbelle

'Don't call me Darling!' Mod
Wow..this guy has always insisted he pays the 'estranged' wife and child ( of which I now know are 2 children) approx 170 dinars per month...waiting to afford the divorce!
He very well could be paying her support for the kids and herself in the amount of 170TND a month. The court basis the amount of support on how much he makes a month.

In the case of my cleaning lady, her ex didn't have a steady job. When he worked, he would make good money, but most of the time he spent it ALL on liquor and would drink through all the money in one sitting. She says he would get paid on a Friday, go directly to buy the alcohol (spending all his money) and sit in the house drinking until it was all gone. The court awarded her 50TND a month for each kid, plus herself for maintenance (total of 150TND a month). He has never paid her. Actually, he is in jail right now for stealing money from another women. He told that women to pay for his divorce, and he'll marry her. In actuality, he went to my cleaning lad telling her he had been working and look at the money he has to prove it, and asking her to go back with him. She refused. When the other lady found out, she pressed charges and that is why he is now in jail.
 
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Cita

Guest
He very well could be paying her support for the kids and herself in the amount of 170TND a month. The court basis the amount of support on how much he makes a month.

In the case of my cleaning lady, her ex didn't have a steady job. When he worked, he would make good money, but most of the time he spent it ALL on liquor and would drink through all the money in one sitting. She says he would get paid on a Friday, go directly to buy the alcohol (spending all his money) and sit in the house drinking until it was all gone. The court awarded her 50TND a month for each kid, plus herself for maintenance (total of 150TND a month). He has never paid her. Actually, he is in jail right now for stealing money from another women. He told that women to pay for his divorce, and he'll marry her. In actuality, he went to my cleaning lad telling her he had been working and look at the money he has to prove it, and asking her to go back with him. She refused. When the other lady found out, she pressed charges and that is why he is now in jail.
this sounds so,so familiar...he never asked but I think he was pushing for me ultimately to pay for the divorce, of which i could never afford anyways, most often his contact recently (and probably before) with me was him under the influence of alcohol! he has contacted me lately asking why did i make him lose his job at the Royal Kenz Hotel, (a very lucrative bezness for him now I understand) he has another job i know ..not so much contact with his "old" European friends I reckon, and still too many people protecting him..unfortunately he has contact details of some of my family outside the UK and has threatened me should I ever return to Tunisia, which he knows I will:O
 
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tunisblue

Guest
That may certainly be true in some cases - but not everywhere. I know plenty of Tunisian women who are divorced and remarried. It is a much more common occurrence here now and most people do not even bat an eye when it happens.
it is becoming more common, but divorce is still very hard on the woman, and if she has children? well her children are supposed to be her life anyways. the smaller the town the more you find this idea. in my hubbys city there are 3 big families and everyone is related somehow it seems. im not saying this is right, but it is just the way of things. and tunisia is one of, if not the, most progressive 'Islamic' Arab country. it just is how it is. there are exceptions to every rule of course :)
 

mezoo

The Decider
But what sort of people are they? don't they have any morality whatsoever or any conscience??... if this is the accepted in their culture.
worlwide issue. not just tunisia. your learning a life story here. we all do at one time or another. :coffee:
 

mezoo

The Decider
To my knowledge -This is a generally socially accepted attitude in third world countries even more so in black Africa:puke: I t must be so due to the fact that many of them feel there is economical injustice in the world and partly blame Westerners for this situations ,therefore, when given a chance they help themselves to their riches correcting the financial imbalance, I guess.:innocent:
unfortunately this is every culture. demonstrate one where it does not happen. accepted, hmmmmm, no more in any one than another.:coffee: prove otherwise please.
 

mezoo

The Decider
The world is a jungle Cita. Morality and values have been invented to control people because they would kill one another in hunt of sex, food and wealth. Tunisia is no exception. This happens all around the globe and there are even worse things than that. Cheer up! Things happen and will be happening if we want to stop them or not.:(
true....
 

mezoo

The Decider
I know plenty of Tunisian women who are divorced and remarried. It is a much more common occurrence here now and most people do not even bat an eye when it happens.
me too TB- much more common-in any arabic society these days-how about a woman who got divorced over 35 years ago??it was real tough in those days-anywhere on earth.
:coffee:
 

Etoyoc

Major Ratslayer
It depends on the region - but the divorce rate in Tunisia is about 20-30%, in some regions even higher. Most divorces are requested by the women and the most reasons are violence and alcohole.

Don't get fooled by "islamic country" - in other countries, like Saudi-Arabia, Kuwait or Dubai the divorce rates are not exactly lower. It is just that you hear less about it (which is also true eg. for marital violence).

I personally estimate that the percentage of divorces are lower than in western countries, but not by a magnitude - marital rape and violence numbers appear to be even higher.

:)
 

Tunisianbelle

'Don't call me Darling!' Mod
it is becoming more common, but divorce is still very hard on the woman, and if she has children? well her children are supposed to be her life anyways. the smaller the town the more you find this idea. in my hubbys city there are 3 big families and everyone is related somehow it seems. im not saying this is right, but it is just the way of things. and tunisia is one of, if not the, most progressive 'Islamic' Arab country. it just is how it is. there are exceptions to every rule of course :)
I can only speak from my experience and I know lots of women who have divorced and remarried. I even know some cases where it's the women who don't want the kids and they freely give them up to the father. Like Etoyoc said, the rate of divorce varies by region, but it is becoming just as prominent here as in other countries, just maybe not as openly talked about all around.

Marrying cousins is common here - it's thought that it would make life easier because you should already know a bit about the other, both families are more closely involved, and both bridge and groom come from the same social class. It used to be the same in many countries.
 
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tunisblue

Guest
I can only speak from my experience and I know lots of women who have divorced and remarried. I even know some cases where it's the women who don't want the kids and they freely give them up to the father. Like Etoyoc said, the rate of divorce varies by region, but it is becoming just as prominent here as in other countries, just maybe not as openly talked about all around.

Marrying cousins is common here - it's thought that it would make life easier because you should already know a bit about the other, both families are more closely involved, and both bridge and groom come from the same social class. It used to be the same in many countries.
i think my husbands city is a bit more traditional than some, in fact ive been told this. its a shame here to even say no to a marriage after your mother, yes the brides mother, has said yes! every body knows you or about it. its a bit overwhelming. my hubby was raised for a long while in tunis and had a free thinking father, a less rigid one. but i still mantain that while tunisia is a progessive country, those old values and ideas are the main way of thinking. just from my experience. and i know tunis is more liberal thinking because my sil went to college there.
i guess i should be counting my blessings, after i hear of all the abuse. shameful and sad!
 
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tunisblue

Guest

me too TB- much more common-in any arabic society these days-how about a woman who got divorced over 35 years ago??it was real tough in those days-anywhere on earth.
:coffee:
my mother got divorced way back in the 70's-80's(not sure of year) the stigma was bad, but its true most people do not bat an eye now in the States!
 
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Caramel

Guest
I now believe and understand these men are proffesional 'con' men... organised crime for the most part which is ignored or engouraged by the hotel chains they work for, as I have said in another response stop blaming ourselves, these men are predators and I will do anything and everything without any fear or blame from anyone... we need to stop these crimes.
I agree with you 100%. What are you doing? Can I help?
 
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Caramel

Guest
Thanks tunisblue...I know this now and am "almost" convinced she never knew anything and still doesn't as he goes about his bezness...which makes me all the more pleased the bastard lost his job at a "reputable" hotel. I have info he has another job now, although he is angry about losing his job (I wonder why) at the "reputable" hotel. I have been informed by him that there will be a "bad surprise" for me when I return to Tunisia!!?? whatever that means. Is that a threat?!:mad:
I think you should write to the management of his new hotel and ask them to liaise with the one he lost his job from. Since he has the cheek to threaten you, you should hit back. He cant do jack! Just report his threats to the police when you get there and ensure you post your whereabouts in the foreign office's website.
 
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Caramel

Guest
Okay so everything is gone from my fake marriage to Fathi Nairi. He used me for a green card and money and had another younger girl the whole time. Because An American wife is only good for using. I only have the wedding dress left. Should I burn it or keep it to remind me never to get used again in my life. He can't wait to marry his next wife. I thought I was a smart women. I got so played I really feel like I can't not even hold my head up. I really died ad a person after he said to me I never loved you. I just need the Green card and money for my real wife. I will never forget falling to my knees and wishing I was dead at that moment in my life. How can someone play with a person love life. All for a green card and money. Really the hurt and pain is so unreal. I truly died and I will never be the same again. So very sad. I hope Fathi see's my face and me crying on the floor for the rest of his life. But people like that that plan to hurt and use someone has no fear of Allah and they only care about what is best for them.
Michelle, so sorry to hear about what happened to you. My fate was a lot worse by my ex Tunisian husband whom I had known for 10 years. Please dont blame yourself because you were not to know that he was just acting - like my mine was too! Try and see yourself for the beautifiul person you are and move on. If you cannot get closure on your love for this despicable excuse for a human being, do your best to get him discredited and removed from your country. He should not have the oppotunity on your hard work to get him his papers, to marry someone else to enjoy the fruits of your labour. Get even, and do all you can to get rid of him. I dont know what the system is in the US but in the UK there are ways. Perhaps one of our US members on here can advise you?Michelle from your photo you appear to be a very lovely lady, so stop feeling bad about yourself - you are beautiful on the inside as well as the outside. Believe me, he will suffer one day. God is not sleeping!

Please post your story and put his pictures in the Gallery here and name and shame him.
 
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